Do or Not to Do IT

Category: Bitching

Released: 160806
Mood: OK

I have this thoughts in the back of my mind everytime I went out with my girl friend.

Women indeed love to shop, splashing herself with nice parfum, walking tall with branded shoes, stylishly holding expensive handbags, winking behind gorgeous tinted sunglasses, swaying left and right with her glittering outfit.

Yes indeed, she looks so cool, outrageous and beautiful. Behind all those there is someone who has to pay for all she wears. Its either she wore for him or for potential victims who are not stingy to pay.

Im not talking specifically about single women but generally all. Wife, mistress, girlfriends, sisters, moms anybody namely women. But for those who spend it with her own money excuse me for being obnoxious here.

Her statement to me was (a wife to a man of course) "if i dont spend his money, who do you think he will spend it off". She was speaking with her jealousy over a woman who is trying to fish her husband despite her being 10% times more good looking than that particular girl.

It was always a women who was the one to spend the hard earn money of a man. Namely father, husband, boyfriend, brother or etc. But for a jerk of course not he will take rather than give. For this kind of bastards then you know what you should do.

She was trying to approach me and wooing me to people which was to me is just another passing time hallucination. Anyway just smiling I went along so that I wont be pestered all the time with my own barriers and limitation.

Has been always giving example to another fren whom always on the go everynite meeting, clubbing and having jolly good time spending and having fun doesn’t really excite me.

At the end of the day I had to ask her again “put yourself in the husband’s wife, would you like your husband money to be spent on other people?”. I know with this question, I always make my frenz throw me out for a while and later when it comes to sense they came back like nothing happen.

Who doesn’t like to spend, who doesn’t want to have all the luxuries in life. At least if one work on it hard or smart and use it for the right purpose I’m sure every one doesn’t have to cry over the situation of using nor being used.

Again the question is always back to you. You want to do it, then go for it.

Dia...

Apa juga yang terjadi, itulah adalah pilihanku. Masih menyimpan ingatan padanya biarpun berbelas tahun lamanya aku cuba melupakan kisah yang pernah terjadi dalam lipatan hidupku.

Bagaimana aku mengenalinya? Dari teman-temanku juga. Watak, cara, gaya dan kebisuannya. Hanya dari ekor pandanganku aku menelusuri dirinya. Jazz, YSL bau yang tidak terlupakan olehku. Mungkin dipakai jua oleh orang lain tapi amat sinonim dengan dirinya.

Ketika tangan sasanya merangkul pinggangku, menarikku dekat dalam rangkulannya dari belakang. Satu perasaan yang tidak dapat kugambarkan dalam tulisan maupun luahan. Bau yang menyatu dengan dirinya. Dengan elusan jejarinya menari ketanganku memberiku satu perasaan yang tidak pernah kuberitahu walau padanya sekalipun.

Kini aku hanya mampu mengimbau kembali saat itu. Disaat alunan musik bergema, disaat teman bergelak ketawa, disaat pemuda pemudi rancak tenggelam dengan irama. Aku dibawa jauh dalam ilusi didalam pelukan tangan sasa yang hingga kini kurindu. Hanya itu yang dapat kulakukan kini.

Dia tidak lagi memanggilku dengan nama sayang, dia tidak lagi mengusik, dia tidak lagi memanggilku ‘bucuk’. Kala ini airmataku gugur merinduinya. Aku tahu aku tak mungkin mengapai awan tetapi aku masih ingin melawan arus, mengapai pelangi. Namun pelangi hilang setelah mentari bersinar penuh menyinari kehidupannya yang penuh dengan gelak tawa anak-anak dan tersayang.

Sedang aku tersasar sendiri, sepi melayan perasaan yang tak karuan. Kau… yang dulu kedinginan, tak lagi keseorangan, kau… datang dalam hidupku menyalakan harapan baru, sungguh aku terharu dengan pengorbanan mu, rela terbakar demi sebuah cinta. Kau lilin cintaku, memberi nafas baru didalam dunia hatiku yang kegelapan….

Tersungkur dalam dakapan rindu dan terus menjalin awan agar ia terus ceria menyinari semua yang memerlukannya

Scent of Understanding

Released: 140506
Mood: Calm

Not that I have lost the passion to write but time is too limited and as soon as I reached home theres another figure waiting for my attention besides freinds who need to be attended to.

Weeks past so fast without leaving any moment without doing nothing. A drive down to Mahkota Hotel, Melaka for the Maggi Roadshow was good. I wasn't feeling that good when I left KL hence that makes me taking the offer to go, otherwise I stay put beside my body condition and tiredness not allowing anyform of travelling. But then I'm happy I took the risk of going and be with people around me besides having her for the Maggi project.

While she give her speech I made a walk to Mahkota Parade as usual trying to amuse me with the people around and things surround me are so happening upbeat. While walking tried calling an acquaintance whom I'd love to see since I guess quite long too since my last visit which i cant remember at all now. Darn!!!

While sipping my hot chocolate and having my doughnut, I kept thinking what are the next move that should be taken. Mom called while I was drifting with an ideas and suggestion. It wasnt my real mother though but at least I can talk to her and pour my heart out.

With that advice, I'm keeping everything just like I had 15 years ago and let it roam with the time and let him decide. Patience is all I need beside giving my full attention to my kids and also current situation that need to be addressed and taken care of.

Not regreting of what happen but taking it with all my open heart and mind. It may be a blessing in disguise besides giving him the time, space and chance to look at what he is planning and doing.

May all of us are still intact in his guidance and my pray and dreams will come true at the end of the day.

Looking forward for tomorrow never fail to spark a smile...

Thank you mak.

Untukmu berada kekallah di hatiku. Tak terbetik dihatiku ini ingin menukar ganti. Utuhlah kau disitu sehingga waktu menentukan....

Aku tetap rindu padamu...

Suratan yang Ditentukan Kini.....

Released: 100806
Mood: Shaky

Category : Pouring

Menipulah aku jika dikatakan aku tak terasa dan tak ambil hati sikitpun atas reaksi yang diberikan padaku. Bagaimana aku menerimanya? Aku sendiri tak tahu dalam lembut ada kasar dalam diam ada marah dalam ketawa ada tanggisan yang tak terucap yang tersekat dikerongkong tanpa dapat diluahkan.

Aku melarikan diri dari anak-anak kerana tak sanggup menjawab soalan tanpa jawapan. Jawapan yang tiada padaku menyebabkan aku sendu sendiri, tak mengerti apa yang perlu ku lakukan. Menyibukkan diri dengan kerja dan juga teman yang mungkin perasan.

Seminggu yang lepas aku di tegur T, dengan perubahan diriku. Namun aku menafikannya. Dikala aku begini selalunya aku melarikan diri dari teman. Aku tak mahu teman tahu yang aku dirundung kesedihan. Tidurku dikunjungi satu wajah yang selalu ingin kubuang jauh dari hati kerana hubungan terlarang ini menyakit kan aku, dia dan ramai lagi.

Dari menyakiti hatinya, dia dan semua yang dekat dengannya aku jadi begini. Aku rasa bersalah dan tertekan. Dengan sikapnya yang melarikan diri dari panggilan, sms dan itu nyata bagiku yang dia mahukan dirinya semula untuk isteri anak dan familinya.

Maka aku pasrah dan redha dalam ketentuan MU demi masa depan dia dan familinya. Aku rela menjadi penanti sepi semula. Aku rela menelan airmata dari menyebabkan ramai yang menanggis.

Hati mana yang tak terhiris, luka dan sedih. Namun itu lah ketentuan "Suratan atau Kebetulan"

Maafkanlah diriku kerana menyayangi dirimu...

CATWOMAN

CATEGORY: DREAMS AND SUPERNATURAL

After watching this movie I was so thrilled to write about this blog. Of how I feel towards it screenplay and associating it to me. It really drive me crazy and there is kind of different feeling when I relates it to me. It started from here something like dreams and supernatural psycho impact rushing to adrenaline.

“Come on lick me baby! Make me feel different. Away from the norms, away from kindness, away from softkind of feelings. Make me sleeky, wittier, sleazy and wicker. Im ready to roam in the heat and squirm in the ice.”

Next I feel ditch by the way she sway her ass, by the way she walk confidently, by the way her tounge lashing, by the way her eyes lurking, by the way her voice growl, god I feel she is so sexy, bitchy and notty.

She has a rival. One and only. And we can see the difference. Like heaven and earth. But she don’t care for she knows who she is, what she wants.

Im wishing someday I would have part of her courage to turn wild, witty and courages enough to explore myself, life and the world. Can’t wait to change farmgirl to be CATWOMAN. Meoowwww………

Brighter

Released: 040806
Mood: Kicking
Listening to: Jiwa Gelora

CATEGORY: BLOGGING

My little pretty corner was spacious and cool. I got to do my own things, choose what i want, and few other things that need to be done for the new place. Now im located in one of the prestige commercial building.

The new office look so cozy , warm and welcoming outside and very cool inside with the office layout. It has two feelings as you enter the reception and the waiting area. The conference room was handsomely furnish with two sofa's and big conference table with a warm inviting colour.

Pantry are located just outside the confreence room for serving purpose when we have Focus Group Discussion. Client observation room are painted with red and black and white tiles. Now that it has sofa and a cofee table for them to have debriefing before and after the group.

There is four rooms at the back for the Senior Executie, Operation Manager, Freelance Associates and MD's. The Associate Director room was located just behind the reception area.

MD and I had a discussion yesterday about my appraisal and improvement that was noted by both parties. Addressing areas which need to be improved and amending the weakness and praising improvement made since back then.

I was so busy working 7 days a week for the past 2 week and hoping this week would be my last 7 days week job. I got what I want and Im searching for a better tomorow. Thank you GOD for blessing me in any way. Alhamdullillah....

Awaited Birth

Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

Mood: Puzzled!!!

Released: 020806

Strange but true!!!

She came to me three days ago saying her great grandmother want to take her away but she refused and the refusal makes her acted strangely by not talking to mom for that particular three days. Yesterday morning she wake up and prompted mom of her blood stain. She was rushed to hospital when mom said "its time for labor"

Normal check-up was made and every test was done. Every one was shocked when the doctor burst a statement ...

"You are not pregnant!!! There is no baby, theres no sound of heart beat, there is nothing in your womb. Its clean!!!"

She was devastated, hurt, sad and she feel pain urging to her veins, stomach, feelings!!! She was quiet, consoling herself. Everyone around was so frantic asking all sorts of questions and sometime unthinkable but that was the facts. It is the first in my family.

Later I heard from her father "kami dari keturunan Puteri Saadong". So then one story after another and I make my own slow move with so many thoughts in mind relating to the dreams and also the reason why she came to me three days ago.

"Hanya ALLAH yang mengetahui HAQnya dan hanya DIA yang menentukan apa yang ingin di berikanNYA"

11.09am