Jetsetter Lover

Im trying to understand the meaning. Im trying to get why is it so. Getting to know more need more time. Slowly im beginning to understand or i may be wrong… here is it

In the love of my passion to travel, read and music, now i have more exposure to go more places. I travel almost every month. Until some people ask me, where do i work, what do i do that can allow me to travel so much. Not so much for me but for some who knows my condition will be very curious on how do i manage my kids and the travel arrangement esp on the budget.

I smile... and i am making the same question to me. How did i manage in between the tightness, why do i need to go, when is the best time, where should i go, who do i go with, what do i find at certain place. All this question has got pros and cons. Especially a person like me. Huge Q&A needs to be solved. Thank god i do manage so far. I have been compressing the urge, the needs of getting away from my nest when i was still married, when my kids are still small and now it all falls in just nice for me to have some breath out of my current place.

It doesnt have to be faraway, it doesnt have to be expensive, it has to be with the right person, right company, right purpose and right budget at current situation. How???? God always answer that for me as faith is always there with him whenever i had question and needs to fulfill. He is my best problem solver to any problem i have. HE is my best friend. As long as i believe HE will be there for me yes indeed HE proved me alright.

And that confirm everytime i plan my time to get away. HE take care of my family, my finance and also my wellbeing. THANK GOD FOR I HAVE YOU.

It goes along with the kind of music i love. It has to be with strong instrument rythm and tempo to make me liking certain song. Sax, piano and violin always leave me deep emotions when its played. I can drift my mind far and away.

I dont mind any song as long as it has strong elements of the instrument along. Yeah i can enjoy Gun N Roses, Beethoven, Pop Rock, Ballad, anything.

During younger years i like novels so much, n later more to family kind of stuff but now more on information that treasured along the depth of knowledge gathered. Fond of languages but no chance to learn except some chinese along the teens years.

Jettsetting my life now to something simple and easy has made me let loose lots of heaving things that used to be think and ponder. Perhaps it is because my kids are bit independence in doing most of the things they want and i gave them choice to do of course with guidance. I know its not easy to handle kids nowadays but if i hold them to tight i am scared they will find a way to get it done in another way.

Jetsetter lover??? Am i ??? Can i get a definition here or anywhere. Pls do anyone help me. Surely i cant do it when im attached. Now i began to wonder, is that a reason why i never think to get attached seriously to anyone even there is chance which come by.

Whenever someone is serious i become panic, whenever someone is ready I realize I have not. Would my partner let me explore the things i wanted to, would he let me go just anywhere i wanted to go, would he trust me that i am capable of doing it at my own pace the way i wanted it to be.

My dad thought me the sense of independency since i was small. Left alone without knowing nuts about certain things n i have to find out my own how to manage and solve it. At first i feel very bad, hurt and sad about it. I become temperamental, sulky and rebellious but then years after years of gathering the hard times, i began to earn the sweetness of being independent, being patience to find ways, being warm to ask, being friendly to be able to get help. And all those pays in giving me confidence in life to embark the difficulties

Nothing seems to be impossible if i give myself time to sit down and open my mind wider to Q&A, pro and cons to everything that needs to do. Sunshine would appear with a broad smile.

Well life is sweet. The more i find out about all this, the more i love myself and for those who would love to share life with me would you be able to have this passion along with me or let me venture it once awhile on my own. Would you not be jealous for the love i have for nature in a great way of exploring it??

I wish in 3 years time i would be able to find someone i could walk with to the beach n enjoy the sounds of current composing the melodious rhythm life drama, feel the breeze slapping my face as i scroll along the white sands, feel the earth opening the horizon to a great sunrise or sunset hand in hand reading what kind of music my heart playing while i envelope myself with the love of nature gives me.

Letting the nature to love me would give me great sense of joy to embark new life again and again.

My hiatus moment

After holiday trip i rush myself to pack my bag again for my laproscopy and dd&c procedure in melaka. 3 nites i was alone by myself. Did a lot of thinking detaching myself n out side world. I learn about my surrounding n frens around me. Who are genuine, who are sincere, who claimed to be but not up to, who thinks they know but failed to be as expected. Am i expecting? I have long ago drop my passion to understand, to let go a feeling to love a man. But it came back recently. But it didnt come wholely like expected to be. Unsure of his feelings towards me sometime makes me reserve some for myself. He cant have the full trust and i cnt force him. I want it to come naturally within him. And when he ask me to go away for a while it makes me ask if you really need someone do you need to break loose or you nèed as longest string to let it go and when the elasticity goes the string will pull it back to you. I dnt have the answer, all i knw if it was meant for me it will be back safely unconditionally. And so with that i let it loose and unsure should i grow ìt, cherish, nourish, nuture it or let it perish. I let it be there lingering in my thoughts, mind and soul. Because it helps to keep me going. I have loving enough, i just want to be loved. If you cnt give it i wont force you. Yes i am very low now. Nothing seems to boost anything in me. You were around and used to contribute to my happiness but now i no longer do.
Let it be as i am a survivor, who will survive either with tears or laughter. I am going to take the challenge and invent the adventure of my life path. I forgive all... And i am praying everyone will succeed in their endeavour.

Authentication of you

Everyone has its on trait. Weakness n strength

A night in Semanggi

This time Jakarta was explored in different areas. Golden Boutique Melawai are where we stayed. Nice building structure as i could say of an old leftover colonial building and placed in a wrong area in Blok M surrounding. The place is packed an full of people. But it has added to my valuable experience. I took my fren to the very popular mid income to low income shoppers heaven in Mangga Dua and also Tanah Abang. This time nothing much was shopped as i was in tight budget.
I have have other personal experience in accomplishing a mission that was asked by a friend. An another experience is to traveo to Jakarta alone in a different airbus was totally new experience itself.
Thirdly i was seated to a young man who at first minding own bussines but at last writing his number at at my food buka puasa pack. Its just adding my travel experience of knowing people while we are in d air above the grounds. It just took a courage of a person to open a mouth to make friends.
I was taking a few rides to a different new places time but had not managed all. We spent lots of time in Taman Anggerik the big and high class shopping complex almost a day touring.
Nou much on shopping but inventing, exploring and experiencing. Perhaps the next round i will manouvere the experience of the night life as claimed by the new friend as heaven of food and entertainment. My curiousity build up in knowing what was it all about.
The whole new experience end up on the fourth day when this time i experienced the tensed of having mornin massive jam. I was almost give up, sulky and stressed but alhamdullillah god answer my silent prayer. I manage to board my plane but with lots of errors here and there. All in all it was a success and whole new experienced gathered. :-D:-*6th Sept 09

Letting Go

Im going to let go some of the feelings for him.
I know i like him very much... i developed the love slowly within my passion, within the years knowing, within the unwanted feelings towards men.
i have pushed all the feelings and emotion far away. Although i am longing for being loved, pampered and cared for...
All for the reasons that i dont want to be hurt again. They wanted to love but they hate to commit, they wanted to care but they avoid to take responsible. For all that matters i take it they are not serious.
When i take someone hands to be hold, lips to be kissed, body to be embraced, i took it seriously with all my heart.
All i have is only pain when i know im able to love, to give, to affect but i cant expect anything in return and i let it go, far far away in the sky, across the border, the mountains, the clouds...
Take me away with you, blow the kiss all over and let them feel the love im blowing to all those who earn my affection...
I shall love myself more than anyone else...

Sometimes Word Just Aint Enough

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMwZcuHbch0

Secured Moment

I was called for the second interview for a challenging love scene. hahahaha NO it was not... it was more of conversation, communication and lots of action which desire no words... It was just felt and so many question and answers gathers.

I was happy, sad, angry and it was mixed upon through out the whole situation. I hand the write ups... I study the action, the reason, the story, analyse and i know its not going to be any sooner or later it is just about going with a flow.

The journey was beautiful with greens, scenery, discovery, long walks, deep thinking, relaxing mind and soul. Uncomparable with colourful Vietnam nor Medan. Its a soothing one, no rush, stress. Lots of smile painted... Yeah the colour was beautiful.

My heart was lighter this time after i came back. Yes i know i am hoping but nothing much bcos i know its not going to be a bed of roses anyway and with that i came home feeling so much enlighten.

Now my aim is to correct what have i not given myself so far. A chance, love, desire and destiny...I will try...

Dear god help me through. Although im wrong please walk with me thru ....