Rule My Court

Friday – 090606
Penna: Lynna
Released: 300606
Mood: Quizzical

CATEGORY: LIFE, GOALS & HOPE

Not only women having difficulties in making big decisions, man are worst. Its scaring their ballz out actually. For many reasons that will make their future unseen, shattered, trashed, painstakingly costing them the whole life to some.

First of all they will think of themselves. Average or I could say most of them would just go ahead with their decision leaving the kids, wife and responsibilities behind and go ahead with new plans or on going lifestyle. Some would follow the rules of syariah where they are responsible for paying Mutaah, Hadanah, Assets & Liabilities that are shared in the marriage to be given fairly or most of them just get away from it somehow.

They are many cases of men who would just close their eyes on those matters and continue having good life with whatever they have ventured during the hard and good time together without even looking back or feeling guilty for taking it with them in the next life.

Some men who are family bonded will take longer time to decide or to leave it to the wife to decide. They would just follow. He would take his time to consider between his needs, her and the kids. He would be very much hurt if he is forced to do it should his women decided to follow a new person in her life be it with or without the children.

While we know most man are not able to manage kids along in their life but there are some who are family oriented would love to have them with in restructuring new life ahead. I would love to see this man who really knows how to lead his life accordingly throughout the wreckage of the marriage. He has his ballz rolling in his own court, managing and maintaining his emotions and rational thinking at the same time.

Some after having few scandals, after discussing or rather being counsel by appropriate department and family members, they suddenly remember yes they do love the other half, the children and the relations they have for many years ago. Even along the way they don’t feel the warmth of the love anymore but they think they should learn to live in the situation for as long as they can sacrificing their needs and wants plus the emotional failure.

In point of time they will just hang around, till the tension build up again, till they can feel the heat to crave for attention again, till the needs of wanting to be pampered like those courting years came back to them again. Some would just grab the opportunity to gallivant the time without being wasted by being smart. Wise men roll the ballz their way. Separating in between responsibilities, needs, wants, purpose and know the consequences that may come ahead.

Leaders will know how, when, what is he suppose to do. Not everymen will wait for the other half to decide. They will do the decision by thinking of what best for them, families and their future. This men have their courage, wit and carry their respect of being themselves as it is. But how many of them is around you.

I’ve seen many, been with many and they remain as good friend. They know best for their family, best for themselves, best for their future. They are successful making their own decision and take the consequences themselves. For this man who has great kind of leadership measure on their own I am glad to listen, to understand and to share their views and opinion.

Some does took what the other half would say or rather sulk or be in the meaningless marriage and again searching for the lost soul and get caught again in between the affairs and having another tornado in their so called set up life.

Why some man don’t speak their mind up just because of the sake having to live in a same roof just to make sure the children are safe to have mom and dad. Sad but it is true. Phenomenon that happens around us today.

It does happen before but then way back most of our parents nurture, cherish the love they had till now. Being adorable within the big family of theirs and making their grandchild proud of their roots. Can our generation today continues the traditions of our heritage before to love, to care to be passionate about life.

1209am

140606

Sacrifice

Penna: Lynna
Released: 300606
Mood: Calm

Cinta memang banyak mengundang airmata. Benar ia perlukan pengorbanan, kesabaran, keimanan yang kukuh dan kuat. Selama ini aku masih lagi akur pada ketetapan itu. Akur dengan segala yang ditentukan dan redha.

Seawal pagi aku telah diherdik oleh orang yang aku pernah hormati sebagai suami dan masih lagi aku hormati sebagai ayah kepada anak-anak ku tetapi sayangnya penghormatan itu baginya tidak perlu. Aku masih seperti dulu, tak mungkin aku menukar diriku. Penghormatan keatas diriku yang perlu aku teruskan sekarang dan hanya allah yang akan mengambil yang selebihnya. Mungkin aku terlalu penat untuk memberi keistimewaan itu untuknya.

Keserbasalahan abang tak terluah melalui perasaan ataupun kata-kata, tetapi kedengaran melalui dengus nafas, melalui kebisuan, melalui kepasrahannya memulangkan kepadaNYA untuk menentukan apa yang seterusnya. Simpatiku jatuh melaut luasnya tapi itu sajalah yang dapat ku lakukan selain berdoa demi kesejahteraannya, kebahgiaannya dan rezkinya.

Aku tidak boleh terlalu memikirkan keduniaan walau itu yang akan membuatkan aku lupa tentang soal hati. Aku terpaksa menghuraikan kedua-dua keindahan itu dalam caraku. Apabila hati dan mindaku berkecamuk, aku berzikir sehingga aku terlupa apakah yang kufikirkan dan apabila aku tenang semula aku kembali kepada teman-teman yang tidak lepas dari bertanya dan cuba menceriakan keadaan. Aku bersyukur atas rezeki, rahmat, limpah kurniaannya. Mungkin kerana aku tidak lupa mereka yang disekelilingku masih bersama mendoakanku. Terimakasih ya teman, Ya allah aku bersyukur.

Keluh kesahmu abang kedengaran walau tak kesampaian padaku. Aku tahu gejolak hatimu, tapi apa dayaku. Hidup harus kita teruskan. Jangan menyerah kalah pada keadaan yang mendesak. Itu cuma sebahagian percubaan dunia untuk penyampaian hikmah ke akhirah. Sabarlah dan jangan berhenti berdoa.

SG in memories

Penna: Lynna

Released: 280606

Mood: Great Encounter

Currently Listening: Tak Tahu (Adam AF3)

The sweet memories while I was in SG now kept beautifully in the box of mind with a smile. Thanks to R, Iz, Y, E, Mr Wonderful, NT and the rest of the people there.

I had a great time with a great warmth and hospitality by those people around. For those I did not met yet, I’m sorry I’m running out of time actually, but I have been promising myself that I will come again (Y *wink wink* safe yea with you ;-))

The familiar place no longer the same since i left it 22 years ago and even for a short visit last year. This time it is more with a feel, sensation and gratification. It was all arranged by her without letting me to speak for my own. She gets the ticket for me, paid it and send it to home and not willing to take when I want to pay her back. My first day was arranged to be out for dinner with some friends who are waiting since last week. Thousand apologies to them and thank you so much. Dinner was good with lots of question and answer about food and places. Nasib baik tak choke. Poor E…

It was the enjoyable dinner we have and loads of laughter. Prawns are so yummylicious. I don’t really enjoy seafood but then it was damn sweet and I have to admit I really love it and that’s why I took more than two (unusual for me).

My second day started when I was left alone in the room with a programme set to meet someone I know few years ago but never had chance to meet yet. I was thrilled and at the same time looking forward to it. Before that, I was hit by an emotion by someone who I am thankful not to be associate with by being “madu“ to her (thank god). My take is “rupa yang cantik, belum pasti mencantikkan budi pekerti manusia yang tidak mengenal diri ataupun penciptanya”.

I walk out the door after talking to my kids who was crying asking when im coming back. Chessss… I miss them yeah but then I wipe my tears with full of hope and expectations I walk out of the door with motivational quote “today is a new day and would be better than yesterday”.

I was thinking to walk around by the river of Clark Quay while waiting for him. From the balcony the scene was beautiful. It was raining early in the morning and later the sun start shining and beaming brightly. My heart blooms happily for no reason. As I pass by the front door I heard “Hi farmie!” I turn right to the voice and saw him there smiling and mine become wider, hand shaken and start walking to the direction ahead.

While talking and walking, I then stop him to ask where were we heading to. I had to alert my consciousness, people around me, especially R who thought I would be wandering around alone or with Y.

I was taken to Esplanade where Merlion is. My luck is not there, the lion is being cage for renovation and preservation purpose I was told. Then I was taken to a shopping complex to get the parfum that I wanted badly since last night. My eyes nearly pop’s out where there’s so many that I want to bring home. He was saying “nak mandi minyak wangi ke?” I smiled… with my lips sealed.

Lunch took place and I was taken for a glass cable car ride to Sentosa Island. The breeze, the green ocean, the green scenery, the beach, the ride on the 4D Cinema to add the effect of the thrilling feeling on the cable car he said. I fell in love with Sentosa Island immediately. Despite the heat, the wind that slap my face, the tide that steal my attention, the feeling uphill, the company that matter most. It was warmth, comfortable and it wasn’t like it was the first time I am beside him, I feel like knowing him ages already. I was served like a queen. It was an enjoyable outing which ended with dinner in Arab Street where lots of fabric and handycraft things could be found .

Time to part as I reach my hotel lobby. We shake hand, warm gesture exchanged and out of nowhere I did something out of mind. Anyway, less than an hour 3 messages came. I’m glad and thankful that I did open my mind for the meeting, the idea of coming to SG and being open to relationship after few bitterness.

Third day in SG while standing on the balcony overlooking Sommerset, Clark Quay river and the tall building with the sun shining glaringly, I feel good about yesterday, now and perhaps tomorrow if I may have it again. I have fulfilled one of the needs to get out of the same familiar space, den, zone and faces. The raging needs to be with the company of friends that welcome warmth friendship and relations was fulfilled too.

To Y, E, NT and Mr Wonderful J thank you so much for making my stay and holiday such a great one. I promise I visit you guys again and this time not to forget Elle.

My next trip is going to be India and with that I am getting ready to meet peoples at the other end.

MencintaiMU

Penna:Lynna
Released: 20606
Mood: Hurt
Currently listening: Mencintai Mu = Kris Dayanti

Category:Pouring...

Salahkah aku kerana mencintaimu? Salahkah aku bertanya? Jika benar, maafkan aku...

Like a cloud fading away, following the wheezing sound of wind
Like the dusk emerging to the darkness of the night
The hurt i have enclosed when we made our way last time
The pain that i took upon when i look for you
The joy that i embrace when i share your laughter
The love that i feel when you tap you lips on to mine
The warmth that i felt when you come closer and hold me

Jika aku yang bersalah menyebabkan jiwa dan fikiran mu buntu maafkan aku. Aku hanya akan hadir sebagai bayang yang menemankan jika ada mentari atau jika ada cahaya yang menerangi. Namun dalam kegelapan tetaplah aku akan sendiri disini.

Maafkan aku kerana mencintaimu. Kau biarkan aku, tapi kau jerat hatiku kehatimu dan aku tak bisa melakukan apa-apa selain dari mengingati, merindui, menginginimu....


Mencintaimu: KRiss Dayanti
Mencintaimu...
Seumur hidupku
Selamanya...
Setia menanti
Walau di hati saja...
Seluruh hidupku
Selamanya...
Kau tetap milikku

Reff:
Hanya satu yang tak mungkin kembali
Hanya satu yang tak pernah terjadi
Segalanya...
Teramat berarti di hatiku
Selamanya...

Mencintaimu...
Seumur hidupku
Selamanya...
Kau tetap milikku
12.25pm

cINTA - Melly feat Kris Dayanti

http://youtube.com/watch?v=uO69eanB9MU

Retaliation, Rebellation Or Objection!!

Penna: Lynna
Released: 190606
Mood: Unknown

Category: Blogging

Was out last friday nite for teh tarik after hell of mouth argument with my boss. Freaking out of my patience at last i spit out whatever i have kept for 6 years being in that damn company. Why am i stil here still thats the big question? As usual i was home composed not letting anyone knows what the feel i have and serving everyone dinner after a hard day was just on the tips of the hand.

Knowing thats what my kids wants from me, i spare that short but quality time just to feed them with my own hand and see the smile makes me cool down. Not much then later R call and asking me to organise with the other friend of mine. If her husband is here i really rather have myself on my own without adding her into the picture.

She was trying hard to entertain, and rather selling me to a male friend to make him liking me, instead my feelings towards the ideas sucks. I hated that. I know what i want, the direction and what i am getting from my male encounter. I just want to be friend to him, not being someone who can get a supporter mentally or financially like what she thought i could be.
Yes, he was nice as friend, enjoyable company, fun, full of laughter, serious when he is suppose tobe. But it doesn't means thatshe can mix and match me with who ever she likes. Afterall he was my fren connection. While Syed being quiet, he is more aggressive on us.

But thats about all. When her hb call and she was caught in the situation and was telling all the bad things infront of my friend i was really taken aback and tell her to stop. That is when she slap me again on the situation that i was not being understandable and snapping me in front of my friend. I almost break down, if only the car was with me, i would just walk away and not coming back.

Poker, konat and pam was on the next table. They were having so much fun and laughter. I made and excuse to the bathroom and then move on to their table and share bit of their fun.

Life is so unpredictable. That was what i take on Friday for so much reason being a staff, friend to a best friend and to others. But at the end of the day i was blame again!

Saturday, 170606
Lai Meng School - Report card collection

Was so dissapointed by my daughter results. I really sulk and was quiet. Later i lock myself and write him sms. Out of three long message i only get "kesian abg". It was later when after 3 trial of dialing not answered and he called back. Just dont want to miss a day saying "i love you" i said and later telling me he was not well. Again i fall back for the feeling of having sympathy and wanting to be given the same attention.

I shouldn't be! later when i told myself. Crying until i was asleep when i hear the phone call from T that she is on the way picking me up. I wake up clearing my tears, hug my kids, and off i went to work again now with a wedding planner. After 3 hours "pelamin", arch and the main table is set beautifully. Dinner in Kg Baru and home. Was so tired with all the emotional attack, after showering i still cant get myself to sleep.

Widi call to ask for teh tarik, without hesitation i said yes. 10pm we were at Shira in ampang and later we were at Bora Ombak. As i was sitting down, i heard "sexynya nak kemana ni". I was like huh, "tshirt and jeans was just the normalities right" i said. Hmmm and then my parfum was the next comments. I challenge Denk of the definition sexy and teruja. I was just laughing and answer them the way it should be without being said anything else. We move on to Bora merely because we need some music while talking. We were bored later when it was close they asked me to go for snooker. Sorry guys, thats not my bread and i excuse myself from them only to know later Brewball is closed. Still my eyes cant shut for the day despite the tiredness and the pain of anger of my daughter had caused.

Sunday, 180606
Very early R called for morning walk which i ignored. I wake up making nasi lemak for my kids and have him in mind. After serving i go back to my room thinking again. What should be next. Tried calling same thing 3 times no answer i give up and later he call me back asking why did i not pick up. I did not bring the phone. I was out meeting R to take the thumbdrive. Why did i always put aside my feelings while people always take me for an advantage?

5pm i was there thinking whether i should just pass over to him and go for that wont make him feel guilty to his family. Yes, i thought of that again my manner dont allow me to hurt his feelings that way. I drove down to the park while my first intention was to be in Jusco, Klang. It was just not my week, i was telling myself. While he enjoy the food my sensitive feelings came back after sharing with him the discussion with my daughter teacher in school yesterday. Everything was poured with my tears dripping. He stop eating and put it off and told me past, is past. Easy said than done but yeah i know life goes on. Im will not sharing my tears again with you abang. If i can always remember that and make my tears swallowed deep in me, i shall do that again.

Pain are not to be shared but laughter yes. I will remember this always. I was actually craving for the warm hug, like i hear that earlier "cry when im around, so that i can hug you" was i purposely crying that day. I was trying hard not to cry infront of anyone, and i am successful but that day. One day has passed i have not released all of it yet. My tears is still full in my heart, wet, gloomy and shady.

Perhaps Yus was right, while other people take it and pour and divert it into something else like having fun, retaliate, rebel and being objective but i dont. Part of me wanted to get out of there but part of me still remember i am a girl who was taught with religion, adat, and i was granted a brain to choose between good and bad. Let me just stay as i am, too kind to hurt, too good to retaliate. perhaps i should think of the stage 3 option and also changing lane procedure. But when i launch that would i be able the same person as i am 38 years ago or i will be someone new with sinful attachement.

TEXT THAT I LIKE TO KEEP …

Be it who I am, what I am, where I am, I just want to STRESS it again that I do what I believe it is right for me not for anyone. If they cross my path and the path doesn’t suit them, please go ahead where the next path is so much better to offer you. What ever life that ive gone through was the life that I choose. With my own principal, dignity, price and pride. One can only say, but one don’t go through what I went through, and I don’t go through what you’ve gone through. Those what I like to pick in a day, ill pick just to have what I feel best for you. And the rare gems will be discovered as and when I need it with HIS blessing of course.

If you want to comments about my life, please do but don’t change me the facts that you can’t for when I come into your life, I will not change anything because when I like you, it means what I discover. Change means wont do good for me nor for you for I can find in another person who suit best in individu’s.

A comment from my old chatter who tried to take me out in a private place which i turn down.

And you have to stop the philosophical dribble...other people know and have lived life's lessons as well...just be straight with what you want and say it. Don't beat around the bush and leave nebulous statements. You know what some of the chatters think of you....some of them write to make comments on some people on they...and they've said that your messages are so depressing...they don't want to be reminded that they are alone as well...they are having fun, you are not. And i'm not saying this to get into your pants. I'm not interested in what you don't want to give...and that goes with anybody.

AGAIN>>>>>what you say and how you say it...will put off people who may be sincerely interested in you

You are too sensitive....you really have to look very hard at yourself and be honest with yourself...understand your limitations, communicate with honesty and integrity. My words are not harsh, they painfully straight.

more to ur personality. Ur boobs and long legs comes 2nd. Ur dress contribute not much....cos no matter what u wear, ur boobs always becomes an attention. Then comes with on how you carry urself....

Friend: cobaaaaaannnnn

Friend: u ketawa pasal u sengsara sembunyikan kepedehan

Friend: u r one of those type play hard to get or

Friend: learned ur lesson after what had happened to u

_________________________________________________________

Was i being hard to myself. Was i creating a split personality. I was hurt, yes, the fact the the acknowledgement i had from people was not the way i wanted it to be. I dont want to be addressed as sex symbol for my appearance, i wasnt like to be taken advantage for the fact i like to help whenever i can. Testament is always there for me... thank god, im blessed.............

15.53pm

Personality Traits

Penna: Lynna
Released: 140606:17.13pm
Mood: Curious

Every indivuduals are granted with own beauty. Be it in the image, look, way of talking, walking, smiling, eyeing, looking etc. How does personality affects looks, how does look affect personality and what they wear affect them and comes in a personality traits.

Why people associates personality when it comes to carrying oneself to the public. Warm, vivid, precious, cold, pleasant, calm and etc. Human are created with so many character and size. How they use all those to form their credibility of being a person lies in them.