Back to my office work since 22 July right after raya.  There was so many things going on when i was out of corporate life. i found beautiful life journey in between family, friends, new acquaintance n almost everyone.

Everything was renewed.  I feel fresh, joyous, happy and lots of love sipping back although i found hicups spinning my absolutely happy days.  i dnt hv much complaints although i hv thin pocket.  i managed to smile almost every now n then, manage to cook a lot, share good things w many people.  Yes, im excited almost everyday.

SEEKER OR FAKER

Both names is synonim I guess.  Two character who seeks attention and credibility on other people credit.

I & MacBook

Believe me or not, i have always been wanting to have few things in my life including this toy of mine.  Mashaallah i am truly blessed with this achievement but nah im not satisfied until im settling this soon really soon.

Thanks to Allah to this achievement and yes HE answered our prayer on the right time not when we ask for it there and then.

Beautuful life with awesome blessing indeed:)  Yes, I just want to pen down a bit of the feels i have upon achieving what other people could have years agoooo!!!

REALITY VS DREAM

 

People keep telling us women/ ladies to keep quiet on anything you don't like happening in your family, marriage, community, surroundings because it may shame you, or your own community even your close members in the vicinity.

How long can keep things that way.  How can you be defending on your patience to keep that reality from being exposed?  Just because we don't want the dirty laundry be carried all over the place and making the others being ignite in the story?

I do have that kind of situation.  I am still keeping it at bay and keep asking how long should I keep it away.  Its easy to just spit it off but isn't easy to sweep it under the carpet every time I itched to lay it in the open.  

Certain time it made me laugh watching them telling the tales again and again without hearing the OTHER story but yeah i don't have a choice but just laugh at it and find my own way to keep the itchy bitsy story from being told.

Well let me call back all the writing skill again and perhaps one day it will be pen down and will be a material to read on about reality check in life.

Right now let it just be the starting point for me to have draft line to write again.

#realityvsdreams

Raunchy Diary reality

2020 Roller Coaster

2019 stroll slowly in pace with every elements passing by.  The rise, the mishap, the hype, the thrill, the unlock mystery, untold story magnifies everything in life with blessing, learnings and the capasity of knowledge.  I am thankful, grateful and blessed with everything under the moon and sun.

The greatest creator plans has always been the best.  Too many thing in disguise unfold many good learnings for the whole 50 years roller coaster.  I take that as bonus and big jackpot.

The truth, the lies, deceit, infidelity, the joker, the fakes, the lioness, the loner, the tik toker, the tales teller, many more gave me good vibes  and laughter.  I learn to embrace family more closer and hold on the philopsophy of less is more.  Let that be understandable by me only so that it wasnt be messed by outsiders.  Keep that close to mind and soul now.  

Hear out, just listen, keep the comments and lets the tales tells.  Time has told and unfold so many things I need to know.  I am happy to encapsulate in closer, tighter and tie it up.  Let me just smile at it, love it and nurture it.

What ever i learned,  while i walk through it, I make me understand that is life.  That 's the thing i can let go and let it blown away.  I hold nothing to myself.  Not even love because I had gave it back to the planner.  Countless night spent just to figure out why and I am smiling at the end of the junction for the finale was good.  Far better than i expected.

Why was i expecting in the first place, while i know all is just temporary.  Now i see more rainbow colours than anything else.  I refuse to listen to unnecessary.  If i think its a responsibility of me to carry, i'll consider having thoughtful mind of it.  Finding the cause and consequences before i clear it out with solution.

Manage to clear 80% of debts while i was out of job since 2014.  I cleared 80% uncoloured vibes.  Snap off the negative aura.  Deleted many plastic surgeries list but kept many good memories of that.

Treasured so many tons of laugher and still moment which will be carried till my death bed.  I am more happier to be kidnapped and chauffeured to anywhere they like to take me. My 2 cents opinion only asked while necessary.  I no longer kept the unwanted stories.

Unless im triggered to dooms their day I shall be keeping that laid 7 meter depth buried.  Trust me, Im capable to dig it just as g00d as i laid it.  

#love

#live

#laugh

#ahappybirdjustneedairwaternature

Reminiscing the memories..

Wednesday,
27th November 2019

Wednesday nite market used to be our dating place.  Went there just to stroll the nite watching people and talks.  There i notice him with his wife parking the motorbike.  I smile in my thoughts of all the day he appeared here today. 

I stroll down the walkway trying to invite my appetite by scrutinizing the food one by one.   In the middle of the way he pass by me.  I smiled and he was smiling wider wanted to say more after i said hi.  I did not stop when he does because his wife was behind him. 

No, i will not let that happen if she is around.  I will not stir a womens jealousy although he thinks its alright for her just for a small chat.

I walk until im satisfied that nothing entice me, i turn my way back to the beginning where he was leading me by few steps.  My mind immediately told me to stop to buy and i am hoping he is long gone by then.

I was wrong when i am realized now im only a step behind his wife.  Without much time wasted i walk fast and left her behind.

My mind was disturbed always by his smile.  And I notice aged does catched his handsome face.  Plenty of dark spots visibly seen upon his wide smile.  He can be failing enticing me with that.  Until now i can still picture his smile.

Oh well that is the reason this blog reopen, rewrite and refreshed again.  Hope i have more to write soon

The ranting farmie
22.55pm
271119

Looking Back

I found this while cleaning ...

My mistake was to allow people come near me

First of all what tales are u talking about???  I dont write to pleased YOU or Him!!!  Lying or not it is not in your HAND!!!  Do I need to tell you reasons WHY I WRITE???? By the way who are YOU?????

You leave him or not its not my problem.  My simple phrase WAS "if he meant for you he will be there for you!!!" you got problem translating that????
Was i a problem to YOU??? and if it is WHY??? I cant see that i am going after him at all after my last meeting with him without your knowledge.  I can see that you are being inferior and insecure!!! WHY??? if he is meant for you WHY afraid of losing him?? Is he running away or he has another person that u failed to find out.  POOR you!!! 

His side eh??? He can say anything of course!! What makes he can lie to HER, he can lie to me, he cant lie to YOU????

He was just doing a bit of humanity while he still have it so what i did was just to pay back and I didn’t know that’s a problem to you. I failed to see that it’s a problem to him when he brush the hair away to look at my face and tell me to smile. Im sure if he can help me, he can help people as far as north, south to help other gals. For I know helping ppl has no barrier nor limit if he really meant to help.  I heard more of that, so it hurts me NOTHING at all!! Does it hurt u for him to help another woman??? Oh duh poor soul!!! You are scared for nothing!!!!

Was i hunting for him??? That’s up to him to answer.  I can only smile. For you and him to hold the true reason as per your and his understanding.  

Nobody stop you frm pursuing him so theres a problem with your statement. If it was not me there will be other girl.  Time will come when he too get fed up with you if he can have junction after 12 years of marriage why not after having you. 

He can say anything to her, you, me and any other gals, but it is a problem to me??? NO excuse me!!!!  He has his every right to be with who he love to be and who he loved right now.  Congratulations!!!  I adore because you have courage and wits to be a second person.

Lang Tengah need not an explanation either to you or him.  You dont need to know the real reason.  To be closed to him no need to be infront of you.  You wont know what he is doing 24 hours a day be it having good time with her or anyone else?  It was way before you know him.  Too bad you heard it too late.  Too bad he has to lie to you to be with other gals too.  Too bad he will still continue with that attitude to pleased you.
 
You got CHEATED before marrying him that even worst and feel sorry for you.  But ill pray for your happiness for he told me he wants to devote himself into you n HER.  So! happy sharing my dear gal. And i believe what he says for he is very honest and sincere perhaps towards you and both if he don’t have any other intention.   I don’t hold any grudge on you or him so take your chance and i just hope you don’t have to share with another other gal beside her.  Im happy for what i discover and thanks to you for being bold to email me hehehehe.

I wish you all the best in the path of your choice.  May god bless you with many child and happiness ahead,  should you be happy and not scared of being left alone  or have to find out what he does behind you.

And I guess to be a good wife is to look after his wealth, asset, dark secrets, health and also to keep your bedroom story lock only with you and him.

I pray to god he will treat you and her fairly so both of you will be in 2 kingdom of one leadership.  And that’s answer my polygamy question when he answer that questions.  I believe he meant well and I believe/ hope he will do what he told me.  So my friend “Have faith” for the truth enclosed in your prayer. 

If you think that’s the best for u then stay strong, fight all the battle.  It was never a war in life but human created it in due to achieve what they want.  Anyway suit you best to your need.

As for him I leave it to him on what he wants to say against me or on me.  For the statement he said is only for my VIEWING & HEARING only.  Should there be any provocation on this matter again I don’t hesitate to be another brutal honest again.

Good luck and all the best for your love and happiness.

It has been a long time since i last update.  No i have not lost my passion to write, it just because i have not been swimming into my deep thoughts.

I have focused on my children, my life and the progress has been taking in place.  I am just confused about myself.  About certain things turns out but i had never have a chance to think it over.

I just passed it out n carry on on life.  The colourful paint i draw had taken place just the way i wanted but i am just lost in me.  In search of my soul i found my creator but yet i am still had the emptiness.

Had not someone love me dearly?  Yes but did i love just the way he is?  I dont know.  I have not thought about it.  Why?  Because i dont know.  I have HIM and i will care less about him who have shown me his love, his passion, his feelings.

To me it is not as enough as i wanted...  Its  a strange feeling because my focus is more on HIM.  I have not find the lights just as yet.  Or have i allow him to ... no, no i think i was just feeling insecure and think he is not serious enough.

Till then it stays just the way it is now.

Drive my passion, it will lead to desire, purely it come from the soul.

24 June 15
1.23am

Loner

Some people ask me whether am i not lonely?  After kids turns to be young lady, college student and the babies is now grown up teens...

I do but there's plenty of ways how to be optimist all the time.  Making myself bz with work, meeting old friends, make new acquaintance.  Most importantly making use of all the source HE gave me in many form.

Some times I was hit by the emotion but lonely?  No I can't find those when I hardly have enough time to think of myself.  Occupying almost all the time does give me wonderful feelings being a loner.

You want time to be with me just ask,  you need company for tea or coffee?  I am on! Juggling my time at my best?  That's my forte... I even have time to being thankful and blessed to forgive those who wrong me and say  my prayer before I enter my dreams.

Life should be used at best!

#areyoulonesometonight:)

And The Journey Goes On....

Despite the hiccups, the mishap, the hurdles plenty of beautiful picture was planted along the way of hideous.

I am learning more and more life values, colours, valueable experience by mixing around with community, corporates, elite and my take is all of us has our own picture and story unfold.

The untold was far more tricky and i choose not to meddle with it in between.  Having met the elite people unfold some mystery that told so many beauty.

Now im looking forward to let HIM arrange what is already written for me.  Yes im ready to embark new chapter in life.

Those with Iman, love his own brotherhood, his nation would be the perfect match but as we all know nobody is perfect and the written will then be unfold once i found the knot.

If he comes sooner he will then be mine or else anybody who has that criteria will have an opportunity to know me and love me.

ALLAH HAFIZ.  May he grant me the chance to be in Mekah this year with my mother.

Ins Shaa Allah

Amalan sebelum tidur

Ulangan dan peringatan di mlm mulia. EMPAT HAL SEBELUM TIDUR

Rasulullah berpesan kepada siti Aisyah ra.

“ Ya, Aisyah! Jangan engkau tidur sebelum melakukan empat perkara yaitu :

1. Sebelum khatam al-Quran
2. Sebelum menjadikan para nabi bersyafaat untukmu di hari kiamat
3. Sebelum para muslimin meridhai engkau
4. Sebelum engkau melaksanakan haji dan umrah “

Bertanya siti Aisyah :
“Ya Rasulullah ! bagaimana aku dapat melaksanakan empat perkara seketika? “

Rasul tersenyum dan bersabda :

1. “Jika engkau akan tidur , membacalah surat al –Ikhlas tiga kali
Seakan-akan engkau telah meng-khatamkan Al-Quran

” Bismillaahirrohmaan irrohiim,
‘Qulhuallaahu ahad’ Allaahushshamad’ lam yalid walam yuulad’ walam yakul lahuu kufuwan ahad’ ( 3x ) “

2. "Membacalah shalawat untukku dan untuk para nabi sebelum aku" maka kami semua akan memberimu syafaat di hari kiamat “

“ Bismillaahirrahmaan irrahiim, Allaahumma shallii ‘alaa Muhammad wa’alaa aalii Muhammad ( 3x ) “

3. “Beristighfarlah” untuk para mukminin maka mereka akan meridhai engkau

“ Astaghfirullaahal adziim aladzii laa ilaaha illaa huwal hayyul qoyyuum wa atuubu ilaih ( 3x )

4. Dan perbanyaklah “bertasbih, bertahmid , bertahlil dan bertakbir” maka seakan-akan engkau telah melaksanakan ibadah haji dan umrah

“ Bismillaahirrahmaan irrahiim, Subhanallaahi Walhamdulillaahi walaailaaha illallaahu allaahu akbar ( 3x )

Sampaikanlah kepada orang lain,
maka ini akan menjadi Shadaqah Jariah pada setiap orang yang anda kirimkan pesan ini, dan apabila kemudian dia mengamalkannya, maka kamu juga akan ikut mendapat pahalanya sampai hari kiamat.... آمِيّنْ..

Paint ME colour

Paint me colourful not just with your colours but all the colours that you can mix and matched.  Dont change my colour today coz it may spoil the mood of the owner.

Why just you leave it be.  You come to me becos u like me and not becoz i make u to like me.

When the journey goes on

When everything become monotonous n less exciting I began to search for something different again.  Is it true I am being hard headed refusing to listen.  I hate people to control me. I hate people nagging me what to do...

Yes today not just today 1thefool tried talking through to me in his hardway, n now Dani is telling me to reformat everything from my FB account to the rest of my life concentrating in focusing to my wbusiness.  I was listening but i wasnt enjoying.

Moulding me would be good?  Or perhaps he was being fair enough  teaching me n being me I only willing to listen to the fun part.  Damn how do i get this straight

Learning, Digesting and Reflecting

I was experimenting a different lane when someone from Facebook approach me into a relationship and wanted to make me up into  what i had been ignoring.

Man come and go as they wanted.  Particularly i was only looking into what my children needs and not mine at all.  Now after having my own time talking to HIM, he had shown me some path, some ways, some reasoning why i should be accepting a person into my life.

Yes, I have been with Wonderful for so long but too long to made me thinking is he really into my life or i was just thinking abt it alone. Since i ever ask in my prayer HE send me few men.  Not single men but marrieds...

I am not sure why but i am giving a way.  Why?  I am sure HE has reason why he sent me this 3 guys ir rn my life for a purpose.  Let them show me or prove me that they were sent by HIM for a good reason.

I have been rejecting one for coming and ask me things bluntly.  I wanted to smile, laugh at it but i understand everyone has their own uniqueness.

And someone who has been wooing for long time has a chance to date me for Iftar yesterday.  It was sweet, romantic place for a right moment.  But again what was he wanted from me.  Silentness enveloping the evening perhaps he was hoping for me to understand it all.  Perhaps i do and i am just ignoring.  He can be so gentle, so romantic, so everything that i want but he is still a married man.  Although i wanted to have everything under the moon and the stars from him but i am yet to open up my mouth coz he is a married man. Even i know he is capable but i dnt think he wants it becos what he wants is not what i want.

And the other one thinks I was quiet becos i already have someone.  True i have Wonderful in my heart, but im not sure he wanted me to b his Princess.  In my situation i am needing someone to lift up my burden in many ways.  But i cant find a way how to say it out. Instead i listen to people what to say.


Dear blog, i wanted to say more but let me have some digestion to the situation and pen it down as and when.  Let me judge my situation and let me pour out soon.

I love you ALLAH simple bcos u hear me....

1228am

My Beautiful Precious Moment

PRECIOUS MOMENT
Current mood: contemplative

While sitting in the car in the midst of the legendary town called Tg Bidara. I can still listen to the sound of waves coming to the shore.  With the breeze of wind whispering the sound of nature..

I lay back while watching the current and let the wind plays with my hair,  I drift my mind away taking me to away that soothe and calming my heart from worries and problems..

Sometimes its nice to remember good things happens to us way back when we are young, teens, adults, recently, yesterday and probably just happens..

While we could leave the past unwanted and keep those sweet in the box of our memory..

Where all the lovely words, nice quotes, good humor and jokes can be shared amongst friends, family, love ones and probably your kids or spouse..

The glistening looks of the sea, with waves waving coming n leaving.  The crystal sands sparkling and gleaming as the sun shining.  As far as my eyes can reach the horizon and take my mind away further from current situation..

As I close my eyes, an image appear.  An image of situation that sparks my heart with sense of belonging and loving.

As I set my lips on the head.  I could feel the love is flowing.  Down to the forehead while now he has already close his eyes to feel it.  Now to both eyes where he can visual me.  And the lips is now set on both cheek going towards the nose.  Tipping on the tip of it and slowly taking it down to the chin.  By then im looking at the face that I wish to showered with all the tiny kisses all over.  The temptation to maneuver the soft wet lips is now planted slowly to meet the surface. 

Lightly it landed on his.  Slowly letting the taste of it lingering on top of mine.  While the tongue now aching to taste the surface and slowly parting the other for a response.  Slowly it opens up and let loose to the feel.  By this moment im lifted to a level where I cant describe who am I, where I am, what I am and when can I stop.  Nerve is sensing, and tense is building sending all the feels to my whole body.  Its raging with fire, intensifying feelings that I cant remember when was last time..

The lips and tongue is still doing the fighting, the tasting and luring the nerve to be sent all over and burning with wilderness desire..

While the hand trailing behind me and tickling.  The lips stops for a while to catch a glimpse on the look of yours.. theres a smile… A sweet smile that I always amused to see…

While heart is pumping faster, the hot feelings is rushed to my cheek and make it rosy…and the seductive eyes never failed to send the next message of raging needs..

And the lips meet again while the hand roaming and leisurely teasing all over.  Theres is so many sensitive parts hits when all my fighting hands become weaker and slower and at last laid back touching you in return to approve the action…

Slowly I give in where my tensed body become soft letting all the touch and the lips to taste..

While im growling the fingers is crawling, my mind is pacing, will I let this moment continue or stop..

It never stops just on my lips it goes on to my neck where all my reality gone and fantasies replaced immediately when its trailed down the nape of my neck and the back of my head.. while the hand is playing with my hair and all my goose bumps stands to tell me that im flying high now…

No, I don’t want you to stop neither letting you to go.. I want to feel you if even for the very last moment.  Even if i didn’t come for this but since you’ve touch the button and trigger all the sense and nerve.. Do take me higher.  Far from reality, further in my fantasy and reach my heaven and lay me there slowly with the intensity…

I can feel your slow and careful thrusting which was pain in the beginning and better as it goes.. A thrust after thrust which is felt all over not wanting it to stop and heightened as you were coming..

It stop and the eyes is staring deep with meaning.. A minute of passion past.. Another moment of gazing vast… A look was not just a look but taking it again in a slow pace one after another and asking for something in return.. The racing pace taking to the final destination and takes me in and goes limp on you.. but to my surprise no it was not final but yes another race is taking place after.  Yes I was shocked but I give in again with a quizzical look that fades off when it takes place...

Laying off on it where all the nerve are very sensitive now..

That was the best moment of my life where all the passion and desire meets the heavenly destination.. I could feel the heat, the beating heart pumping, the rosy cheek blushing, the weakened knee aching..

I could still remember the soft moans, the heart beating, the sweet sweat felt and the hot blood rushing…

All I can say to you..

I am lost in the act of love, in my own lusty fire, my own mystifying desire…No one can be there since the day you made it… 

If I want to feel it again I will then take my fantasies to the beach and let the nature take me off from the ground back to the heavenly earth made by you in my fantasy land…

Lets being passionate again

My emotions is edgy these days.  I wasn't able to handle feelings to specifically being loved by a  man. Undeniably I was being lonely at times especially having teens kids who find time on their own are more precious than finding time to be with me.

Besides  serving my customers, finding new acquaintances and new business partner, I cant lie that I am lonely.  My soul is searching for something.  I prayed for someone to come and god given me the chance but unfortunately again i was tested.

Sigh.... i wanted someone but not owned by somebody.  I wanted loved but not shared by someone else.  I have to ask again n again but i failed to know the reason.  I leave it on.

I challenged my fear and meet him one day.  I can tell that if i want the relationship i can make it happen but then just to make me feel satisfied digging some infos was im good at.  I was stuck on the verge again.  To accept or not to accept.

I was enjoying everything until i know the truth.  Heated arguments follows.  And my flaws emerged.  I cant just pretend being someone pretty n beautiful but yet to be bold to know the truth. Hate to admit yes i do like him, wanted him very much.  Oh yeah i do, but....

God please take some of my worries away and please grant me the wish i wanted.  Let me be loved, let me be happy, let me be cuddled, let me be safe in the hands of a man called lover.  With the right path and ways of course with your blessings.

Yes i want it. Prove me im wrong this time.

New Me Again???

Looks like I have gotten myself back after years of being in the bzness managing life.  Can't deny my passion of writing life play.

Routes after routes, path after path the journey has been beautiful yet interesting not to forget some mishaps here and there.

After a month being freelancer and full time Mary Kay Beauty Consultants I have painted the road colourful with so many acquaintances, new thrilling strategy and promoting.

I cant deny the hicups, the sadness and the cloud nine feelings.  All are accepted in the name of god for giving me beautiful countless testament for me to be grateful and blessed with.

Thanks  Allah for your guidance and love.  I will never giving up asking you for more love and guide.

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TQ ALLAH

Indeed its hard to share feelings. But im sure god has better reason why its happen.

Thank you allah.

Although i am very sad today but i am blessed.

Thank you allah.