Suratan atau Kebetulan

Just updating and voicing while pouring something i cant pour visibly. Yes, i am feeling the heat of the action i take. Now im beginning to think more serious of the consequences. I want to pull over, let go, and just forget but deep in my heart not wanting me to let go. I have once unfinished it, i have gotten it back, would i let it go again.
Why would i want to let it go while i always wanted it to come back all this while? Why must i let myself down just wanting other people life to be perfect and beautiful. Why do i love to pleased while i sulk all the way through? Why do i smile while seeing others holding, embracing and kissing while i yearn for all those sickly to be in the same position as they are.
Few days ago "Suratan atau Kebetulan" was sang to me just next to my ears live with his beautiful life. "Sesuatu yang tak disangka, seringkali mendatangi kita". Yes, sometime i wasn't being fair to me or to him or to others around me. Merely because i just think of how to make them happy. Whats for me?
Now im going to ask, whether i can or not get it thats a different story and fall under next category. I want to have all that i yearn long ago, no matter how, which, when, where, what way i will try to get it. But do give me support and backup for me to prove that i deserve all those. Otherwise pleaaaaaase let me know or let me GO...

Suratan Atau Kebetulan
Sesuatu yang tak disangka
Seringkali mendatangi kita
Itukah suratan dalam kehidupan
Atau hanya satu kebetulan

Kita asyik membicarakan
Persoalan hidup dan pilihan
Sedang kejujuran semakin berkurang
Masih tiada bertemu jawapan

Walau kita dihadapkan
Dengan berbagai pilihan
Mengapa sering terjadi
Pilihan tak menepati
Hingga amat menakutkan
Menghadapi masa depan
Seolah telah terhapus
Sebuah kehidupan yang kudus

Pertemuan sekali ini
Bagi diriku amat bererti
Tetapi ku bimbang untuk menyatakan
Bimbangkan berulang kesilapan

Ill add on more when time permits meantime here goes...
This piece is for you...

No matter how much you think I am contradicting but as much as i know i have comeback to a place where i want to be pamphered and love by you the way you did last time. And as much as i know i want it to happen in reality not just in my dreams and fantasy.

Love may make me a fool but i am not a devil who would push and angel who would love to pick n guide me along the way of life journey....