Commitment

Current mood: chipper
Category: Blogging

Release:131106
Mood: Chirrpy

I need a peacefull mind and thoughts when it comes to life commitment. Its not an easy task to perform nor to understand what commitment is. I was asked many time for my commitment in partnering issue. Most of the time I ignore it because time has never arise and I always have doubts for that.

It worries me a lot shall I not able to deliver or theres so high expectation over me. I am just a normal human being who seem to make mistakes there and then. Even most of the time I avoid it but no I am not able to anymore.

There is a space in me needed attention to be addressed. I was avoiding my needs and want in terms of partnership because I think I won't be able to deliver and accept the hicups should there be again. I know it is wrong to think that way but I cant help it.

Things that happen infront of me are so clear and does not make me comfortable with it. My current situation soothe me in my comfy zone but people keep on came knocking and giving. Taking is one thing but to be asked to be considered and reasonably can fit into my space and zone within my kids, families and frens are rare. So I have to give it a thought.

One or twice trying to avoid it but it lingers round and round. With the constant pace and the way of showing it, I cant be denying and resisting it. I'm trying hard to pleased me and never let anyone do it.

But I guess its about time I want to be pleased. Sensing its coming and having it felt over me was the whole new experience whereby this time I dont have to do much. I show off my uneasiness, my anger, my temper, my jovial part, my moodiness and everything without having problems but to accept the pampering, the mannering and so forth. It tasted good but I always reminded myself. He is on heels over me now, wait till the feel is gone or wait till well... assumption, assumption, assumption he said...

Well if the assumption is going to make me thind million times before commiting, I love to do that then. First of all when I commit myself to consider and have that thought shared, it took few weeks for him to adapt it and come back to me with a statement "give me sometime to resolve this problems". Whereby beforehand I challenged him with so many questions and consequences and conquest him on certain situation which needs tough answers to be addressed.

"The answer is yes, easy and it can be tackled... so long you give me your commitment" he said...
All those said are bullshit!!! Testing me are you??? U'll end up freaking out.

After that I just take what comes. Testing me with so many surprise and he was surprised when whatever he presented was then turnaround by me. He manage it well. Infact he has his way. Somehow he pass some test and fail some but then again it is fair to say that he is trying to prove me that relationship is worth to think again.

As for now I will keep eyeing on certain things that I need to and make sure I have the precaution measure 'ON' everytime. Enjoying his company while I have R to refer and other friends to juggle with was a good experience. Meantime, he and me deserve a chance to try. And if it is not working, at least, I'd try and have the experience and fond memories of it to treasure for being his friend, lover and female companion.

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