Thursday, January 18, 2007

Ikhlas


Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Blogging

18 Jan 2007
6.07pm

Definisi berbeza-beza dari setiap orang. Cara perlakuan, penerimaan dan penyampaian tidak sama. Dihati nawaitu ada tapi apabila dilaksanakan ia kadangkala tidak sampai ketahap yang dikatakan ikhlas.

Apakah ikhlas itu? Dimanakah terletaknya keikhlasan? Bagaimanakah caranya ikhlas itu dilaksanakan? Tidak dinafikan ianya sukar untuk ditentukan dan bagaimana ia dinilaikan.

Mendalami ilmu ikhlas bermakna mencabar kewibawaan diri, iman, taqwa dan minda. Namun jika benar ia datang dari hati yang luhur ianya pasti dilaksanakan. Dan hanya DIA yang dapat mentafsirkan keikhlasan sesuatu perbuatan, niat ataupun keinginan.

Bagaimana mencabar diri dengan ikhlas? Seperti menghulur tangan kanan dan menyorok tangan kiri. Memberi tetapi tak mengaku ianya dari kamu. Sukar untuk dipercayai masih ada insan yang melakukan ini semua tetapi sewajarnya kita tak tahu kerana hanya yang benar-benar ikhlas tidak akan menampakkan diri maupun menyebut apa yang dilakukan, diperbuat hanya untuk mendapatkan keredhaan.

Jelas dimata apa yang terpampang dikehidupan sekarang ini, keikhlasan semakin pupus. Mungkin dari cara penulisan ini anda juga bisa menilai. Tetapi bagiku dari sinilah aku belajar sambil mengingatkan diri kembali dari apa yang sepatutnya kulakukan.

Yang baik dari dia, yang buruk dari kita.
Nawaitu adalah milik kita, penghakiman adalah miliknya.
Wallahuallambissawab....

Rindu yang terlarang

8 Jan 2007

Menahan diri dari ditakluki ??? Tidak berjaya... Menakluki??? Belum cuba...
Semakin kupendam rindu yang terlarang semakin tidak mungkin. Ingin aku katakan padanya ada yang memerlukan kerana itu aku harus mendapatkan tapi tidak mungkin ia terluah.

Harus bagaimanakah aku. Teman sesuatu yang kau lakukan amat sukar untuk diterima akal dan minda tetapi itu yang aku maukan.

Tersungkam aku dalam keinginan yang tak sampai...

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Boundaries in Relationship

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


Current mood: awake

Released: 090107
Mood: fine

I.'ve been meaning to write about serious topics since i come back to work but nothing come to place and mind go bonkers when there is so many things comes popping.

Early in the morning I was startled by a caller in myspace list who doesn't really knows my name and called for farm. Fine, it was me who picks up but it was not fine when I am given such surprise and was not give a respect in terms of setting or starting a frienship. Yes i called him from the office not wanting to give him my handphone number, and the purpose of calling just wanting to say hi and obliged to his invitation of being a friend. Connection or rather networking I should say and that makes me dialling his number. Upon that he called me hoping that I will give my number and my name to continue or prolong the relations.

A set of boundaries was created in mylife to look after my interest in any circumstances. Be it in relationship, frenship, networking or rather personal wise. Why? Knowing what I want, where am heading, what to expect and so on makes me not to reveal some info at the very early stage of relation.

Yeah the opening is there but time is always the measure of my relationship with anyone. Why because I dont want to cross a border of my own needs and want. Some people dont agree with me but I couldn't agree to what I dont want and not relevant to me.

Too bad if they cant wait they have to move on. Back to him, in order knowing a person I do a background check nowadays. No longer touching the acceptance button immediately. I want to know more where would I be, when I let it happen and where its leading. I restricted everything now only on friendship not more nor less. Im in a third stage of rebuilding my life and I dont want to ruin everything that I've done almost 5 years ago.

Tough and hard as steel I am now although mellowing with some emotions but sticking to the principal would do good to me insyaallah. I just need one thing this year as new year resolution. I want to be able to have trust and confidence in man again should I can and I should be able to convince myself. Otherwise the stability will make me comfortable of the status, position and be blessed of what I have now for me and my kids.

It is all shown clearly by end of 2006. The action and reaction of what I have left 5 years ago with him which is not working and not convincing enough to make me able to respect and adore him still as a man who live with me for 10 years building a life as family. The answer is no no to him, I can be friend but to be back ermmmm.....

Love which left as quote only can't build strong relation and now stagnant according to current situation. KIV, Naz said! No, it was not strong encouragement for me. Enforcement and working on the situation will do better for me to convinced that you are worth to be walking the path together but then again its in HIS hand. Im thankfull for that. Blessed that I can see it earlier before I go further indepths in my emotions. I shall leave till the right moment comes. No it never kills my love for him. It still grow but I cant live with love only.

D has been consistently showing and proving despite of the rollercoaster life tantrum spells but he is still standing strong beside me, holding my hand but that I dont know for how long. Best man wins and I guess I have the answer as for now.

Nope, its never enough and its hard pleasing me of all Ive gone through. I know its hard for em' to pace with my tune. Its all in their hand to prove my hypothesis is wrong and my analysis has to be revised. Im only human. The boundaries set within me to protect what I want and need. Im enjoying what I have now. To understand, to feel, to launch, to tickle, to linger, to crawl, to rant etc. It can go on and on and it will never end. But I love what I have, love whom loving me so much, admire some who has courage to set and go, salute who has courage to knock my door for an opening. All in all I am blessed to have you around me to set the colour of my life.



Trying to put and play with the colours accordingly to suit current situation.



Sipping sweetness of the taste being patience and passionate about whatever consequences I have to take.



And perhaps or rather lastly to find the pair that suits the colours, situation and the bloody emotional me.




I love you all.

Farmie.
10.46am