My Personality

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people.
You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together.
Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly.
People crave your praise and complements.

You Are 70% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?
But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

Your Blogging Type is Unique and Avant Garde

You're a bit ... unusual. And so is your blog.
You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head.
Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent.
You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content.

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent.
Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art.

You would make an excellent:

Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor
Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer
Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer
Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor

The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

Your Seduction Style: Prized Object

The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get.
You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them.
The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase.

You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away.
You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance.
Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't!

You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors.
Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor.
You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for.

You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

What Your Sleeping Position Says You are calm and rational.
You are also giving and kind - a great friend.
You are easy going and trusting.
However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games.

Your Heart Is Purple

For you, love is about establishing and developing a deep connection.
If it's true love, it brings you more wisdom and inner strength.

Your flirting style: Sincere

Your lucky first date: An afternoon at a tea house

Your dream lover: Is both thoughtful and expressive

What you bring to relationships: Understanding

Your Eyes Should Be Violet

Your eyes reflect: Mystery and allure

What's hidden behind your eyes: A quiet passion

Your Love Element Is Earth

In love, you have consistency and integrity.
For you, love is all about staying grounded and centered.

You attract others with your zest for life and experiences.
Your flirting style is defined by setting the scene, creating a unique moment in time.

Steady progress and stability are the cornerstones of your love life.
You may take things too slowly, but you never put your heart at risk.

You connect best with: Fire

Avoid: Wood

You and another Earth element: need each other too much to build a good foundation

Brain Pattern

Your Brain's Pattern You have a tempered, reasonable way of thinking.
You tend to take every new idea in, and meld it with your world view.
For you, everything is always changing. Each moment is different.
Your thinking process tends to be very natural - with no beginnings or endings.


Your Personality Is Artisan (SP)

You are both grounded and flexible. You adapt well to new situations.
You are playful and free spirited - but you are also dependable and never flaky.

You don't do well in conservative, stuffy situations.
It's probably very hard for you to keep a normal job or stay in school.

You are always up for fun and adventure. Most people are too boring for you.
You take risks and bend the rules. And if things don't work out, you chock it up to life experience.

In love, you tend to take things quickly - but you have a huge problem with commitment.

At work, you need to make your own rules. You're best suited to be an entrepreneur.

With others, you are animated and physical. You prefer doing something with friends to just hanging out.

As far as your looks go, you tend to be buff and in good shape. Your spend more time on your body than your clothes.

On weekends, you need to keep active. From cooking up a storm to running a 5K, you wear yourself out.

Family Ties

The long holiday has brought me to PD where all the memories residing beside the beach. The sunset, the swimming pool, the greens, the breeze, the environment is embracing me in the natural way. How my nights was filled with laughter with all the colleagues and bos who loved to sit down and chat till the wee hours. Before I lay down on my pillow I make each and everyone coffee and wave them goodnight.

From my room I can hear the sound of music that the wave brought to my ears with the soft melody and heartily Im lost in my own lusty desire to be back to nature. My fantasy begins on the sandy white beach and the natures calling me into the water showering me with the love from all around. I feel good and peace.

From PD I drive down to Melaka taking the old kampong way where the beach is on my right. I cant let the wind just goes off like that. I wind down the window so that the breeze can still slap over my skin and give me the fresh feeling. My smile never fade from my lips and the kids was enjoying their outing.

I had a good rest and sleep the first night I was in Melaka town. Dot has got his plan that night and he cant come. I don’t mind either. I took the kids down to Mahkota Parade to get some stuffs. Again as soon as I hit the pillow I slept soundly without even think I should be going for a walk on the Jonkers Street.

I attended a relative wedding where I find more and more of my relatives. They hug me, kiss me awww hahahhah im flattered.

Im not a kid anymore, but the meeting was good and im glad im well welcomed. I head home and mom hop in with us and asked for stimboat food in Pantai Kundor. I never realized Melaka has got a lot more to offer beside Klebang beach, Perigi Hang Tuah, Tanjung Bidara, numbers of mosque and etc. I just love the beach, the scenery. Why did I fall in love with nature and not man. Can nature lie to me? Can nature really puts me off about life. After eating they followed me back to my room and they bathe and solat. Later then we parade over to Mahkota Parade and check out lots of thing. We had a drink after and lepak in my room while kids play UNO and we join in.

They left me after midnite and we hit the sack soon after. I had a chance to trim my hair and walahhhh I had a new hairstyle. I called dot and left Melaka slowly enjoying the green scenery.

All and all I enjoy my outing very much. I am feed with love and passion. Im blessed with all his mercy. Thank you god, I love you always for giving me all the love and passion to love everyone around me my way.

Date released: 281205 (12.30am)
Mood: soothe and calm

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Tuesday, 27 Dec 2005

Mood: Artistic

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence

You are naturally athletic and coordinated, good at making your mind and body work together. Sports are fun and easy for you, especially those requiring good hand - eye coordination. There's also a good chance you're a great dancer, or good at expressing yourself through body language. You learn best by doing, and you feel like you've always got to be moving (even if it's just your hands). You would make a good athlete, physical education teaches, dancer, actor, firefighter, or artisan. Your Blog Should Be Red Your blog is full of intensity and passion. You are very opinionated - and people love or hate you for it. You have the potential to be both a famous and infamous blogger. Your Blogging Type is Artistic and Passionate You see your blog as the ultimate personal expression - and work hard to make it great. One moment you may be working on a new dramatic design for your blog... And the next, you're passionately writing about your pet causes. Your blog is very important - and you're careful about who you share it with.

Raunchy Farmie @ Lynn

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Raunchy farmie@Lynn
Current mood: accomplished

Up to date this is my site, that has been giving me full of steam and excitement when I can blurbs, rant and rambles just about anything comes to mind.

When I talk to friend, or people I have to be careful and aware that I might hurt their feelings directly or indirectly. But by writing I don’t have to. You feel it hurt you, leave this space and reside to your den or hop on to another space that favours or care more of your feelings.

I want to be able to express. Time to time I was reminded to be sensitive about feelings around me. Dear friends sorry, perhaps they are time and place but I want to speak out my mind, my heart out here. Leave my space if its hurt you. This is reality, we don’t listen to things that hardly favours to us. We listen those only perfectly on our side.

Nobody can change that except ourselves. Ive been there, done that and now when it is not favouring to me, I listen first, then weigh and measure, then think and do some reflection and take some objective from there or later sometime.

So far I have been successful doing it. Thankful to poker, arip, konat, rom, tee, sam, widi, arif, exit, aniz, leen, dot and etc. To my confidante, I like to say my personal thanks to you for everything is clear now and easy. Ill pray, may god grant you all your wish, wealth and fortune. May luck be with you next. To dearest girlfriends, Leen, Zana, Aniz, Mellissa, Tee, Rom, Marie, Asha, Yan, Tini and the rest thank you for all of you are good reader.

This thing started for Rizuani when he first ask me whether I have myspace account. Known as Kedai RM2 who has bring me into this and then it wide spread by chatting or word of mouth. Good and bad point by having this has make me learn a lot.

To know more friend from near and far. Being far it feels like so close, being close once and now not anymore. Many don’t like my frankness and being truthful. Many thinks I talk about em, many do talk behind. I realized many things and yet I choose to keep it and remain silent unless im asked or being confront. Call me devil, sinner, biatch or whatever for the truth are behind you.

Some says I am like a philosopher when I used tricky statement and make things easier by how I see things my way. Some says I beat around the bush. But hey, I never want you to think the way I think. You find your way of getting things clear your way. Life is circling around, it comes and goes like waves.

I want to simplify what I have gone thru to make it less headache and enjoy bit of it while I can. No one can bring the joy to you except you yourselves.

Signing off from here soon to give all of you the happiness to the fullest. To some people who might think telling tales are my breed and bread, perhaps you should rethink again who came to whom when you needed some ideas of confrontation.

I like to ask you right on to your face rather than hiding behind your bushy shit of lies. And for some reason I still hold the truth only for the best of me, you and them. So that he, her, them will be happy to taste what god has granted. So now im residing to my own den and path for the colours i've choose are far more beautiful than i did last.

Sign by:
Lynn @ raunchy farmie

P/S: Beej i forgot you came last minute and retreat without saying anything but hey u still there fresh in my mind. Dizz keep on Sengaying... I love your smile, it blooms and crack me whenever I saw it. Heart lies, Instinct Never and so i stick to it. Thanks again for coming to my page... Adioss

Released:221205 (12.24pm)
Mood: Joyful
Posted: 162
Comments: 224
Views: 5734
Kudos: 27

Apakah salah untuk jatuh cinta?

Salahkah untuk jatuh cinta?

Satu soalan dipetik dari akhbar harian metro bertarikh 22 Dec 05.

Tidak salah jatuh cinta demikian adanya adat manusia, tetapi yang tidak baiknya memadu asmara di tempat awam. Tempat dimana anak-anak dan keluarga beriadah. Dimana kesalahan dapat diletakkan?

Ibu bapa atau diri sendiri?


Released: 221205 (1148am)
Mood: Bouncy

Dame un beso para siempre

Tiada siapa sebenarnya yang dapat menyelami hati seorang ibu selain anak perempuannya sendiri yang suatu waktu akan menjadi ibu juga sekiranya diperkenankan oleh tuhan.

Apa yang dipotretkan diluaranku adalah sesuatu yang amat gagah kuat dan tabah tapi pada hakikatnya, meruntun dan hancur berkecai. Satu demi satu dugaan datang mencabar kewibawaan dan juga ketaqwaan maupun iman.

Jika diturutkan hati mau saja ku lari jauh dari sini dan jauh dari sekeliling yang menghantuiku.

Mereka tidak akan tahu bagaimana rasanya seorang ibu tunggal yang harus bermati-matian mempertahankan ombak dan badai yang datang melanda kehidupan sehari-hari.

Mereka hanya akan nampak luarannya saja. Potret indah yang ku lukis memang pandai memain peranan tetapi kejiwaan ku tidak dapat menipu setiap pelusuk lukisan hati yang ku coret. Aku tidak ingin meminta lagi, tidak ingin mengharap lagi. Aku hanya ingin memenuhi kehendak alam agar mereka sampai kesatu destinasi.

Mungkin aku selalu lupa padaNYA, mungkin aku selalu khilaf padaNYA tapi jalan yang kau tunjukkan ku satu-satunya yang ku turuti. Aku tidak mau pada mereka yang datang hanya untuk mengahwini kerana tuntutan nafsu.

Aku tidak mahu mereka yang datang padaku hanya untuk menolongku. Aku tidak mahu mereka yang datang hanya kerana ingin meluah perasaan. Aku bisa menjadi segalanya yang kau maukan tetapi untuk menjadi apa yang aku mau adalah tidak mungkin. Mungkin tuhan belum lagi ingin memberi maka aku pasrah.

Memori pergilah menjauh dariku, jangan kau datang lagi. Mereka semua mengusik perasaan dan ingatan walhal aku sebenarnya menjauhinya. Hanya segelintir teman saja yang mampu mendengar atau membaca ini, walaupun teman baikku sendiri tidak akan mengetahui coretan ini.

Aku perhatikan apabila aku berkata tentang kebenaran, tentang kebaikan dirinya sendiri, tentang nilai dirinya sendiri dia cepat-cepat mau meletakkan telefon. Dia mahu aku bersetuju apabila dia mengatakan ingin menghantar anaknya pada bekas suaminya hanya untuk memenuhi tuntutan suami sekarang.

Mungkin aku salah kerana memikirkan ia pada caraku dan fikiranku tapi kupasti jika yang ini dituruti kemudian nanti anak kedua dan ketiga pula yang akan disingkirkan. Akhirnya jika dah tak punya apa lagi untuk disingkirkan, apakah dirinya sendiri pula mau dileraikan.

Mungkin takdirku hanya mendengar dan untuk itu aku akan terus mengunci mulutku lagi untuk kesekian kalinya. Aku hanya ingin menilai diriku apakah yang telah kulakukan untuk ibu ayah, adik-adik, anak-anak dan saudara maraku adakah merupakan terbaik bagi mereka dan diriku. Atau benarkah ada yang tidak mau aku gembira seperti yang lainnya. Aku menyerahkan diriku sepenuhnya untukmu tuhan. Kerana hanya padamu untukku meminta dan berserah.

Aku rindu pada belaian sayang. Ibu, ayah dimanakah dikau. Semalam aku bermimpi lagi, abah membelai kepalaku. Menitis airmataku mengenangkannya. Seumur hidupku berapa kalikah aku mendapat belaian seperti itu sedangkan seumur hidupku dibesarkan dalam keganasan dan kekasaran. Salahkah aku menuntut sedikit kasih sayang. Dan apabila simanis senyum meleret dan empunya sorot mata itu meletakkan tangannya ke atas kepalaku membelai dan memujuk dengan kata sabar aku lebur dalam kasih yang bukan kepalang gembira. Tapi hadirnya hanya seketika kerana aku tidak mungkin mengambil milik orang lain. Insyaallah...

Date released: 211205 (12.43am)
Currently listening: Para seimpare
Mood : Melancholic

Which one of the below is U??

Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work.
They are called "Spec Taters".

Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work.
They are called "Comment Taters".

Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands.
They are called "Dick Taters".

Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or
too cold, too sour or too sweet.
They are called "Agie Taters".

There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help.
They are called "Hezzie Taters".

Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not.
They are called "Immy Taters".

Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real
sunshine into the lives of others.
They are called "Sweet Po Taters".

If you know any "Sweet Po Taters", send this to them!!

Tickling Hand

When the hand dancing starting from my feet coming right up to my thighs touching all my nerve and sense. It makes my lower part limp and enjoying the touch. Slowly it comes up to my waist and taking me off more from the ground.

The hands lingers longer to make sure the pace was rhythmically to keep up with the healing sensation. It goes round and round up to my back keeping with the melody which takes my reality to my fantasy land. It takes a while for the hands to tickle my back and coming right up to my neck and with that all my goose bumps stands and leaving me in agony.

The hands are very clever getting my arms to open up and stretching my chest muscles to goes numb. Next the hand marveled slowly and nestled near my torso and playfully circling my stomach.

She is very clever twirling and circling my nerve and sense back in pace after so long time had not gone for the massage. She knows just where to touch, just where to make all the veins and blood rush in place.

With a nice gesture she rambles about her daughter and her career. She was kindly telling me about her experience having her kidney stone treated by one of the client which happen to be a doctor. She advised me to get some turmeric blended with water and drink it every morning to treat my period imbalance cycle.

So much of jamu taken since I had my first child, and what ever she said was just another additional drink I need to take beside present mixture. I would rather have honey n lime tho. I’ll surely need to get those stuff soon.

But the effect after the massage is so good. Im feeling fresh and my eyes are very sleepy now. So folks don’t get cheated by whatever you read just now. It was just your hallucination but the massage was really good and old time midwife with full of recipe awet muda.

Date released : 201205 (12.17am)
Mood: Relax

Old Dayz

Old Dayz

Suddenly i feel the urge to call long lost friend when i sorted out boss name cards for database update purpose. Suddenly his name pops up and deliberately my hand punching the number and it get connected just as soon as i hear the tone next his voice was on the other hand.
We talk and talk and talk and i decided to get another friend number from him and asked for it. I called Nazli next and he was surprice with excitement upon telling him who am i. He has six kids now and he was saying "if you are mine i think we are going to have more". I gulped my saliva upon hearing that. Anyway he sounded so excited and we exchange numbers and agree to meet to catch old time sake.
From him i gotten Abg Jaf number and found out he have 3 kids just about my angels age and has been single again since 2 years ago. He is laughing and as jovial as i known him before.
Im going to set a date for us to sit down and have a good laugh about what happen to us 15 years ago and exchange stories happens now. Would they be still the same who is always protecting me and cares for me when i know once upon a time i was running from one to another end to meet them without each of them knowing. All this thoughts and memories makes me smiling the whole day.
Would i be still the same "manja" me. I dont know the thoughts sent shivers to all my nerve. I can still remember their faces and their smile. I was once pampered by them. Would it be the same still? To me all of them are like brothers to me and that’s why none was chosen to be beside me because they were so nice.

They are amongst the glamourous gang in HEART, FACES and PICCADILY once upon a time.

Yes I want to meet them again, want to be part of their successful time now and know their families and kids. It would be nice for new year closing. I am alive again and kicking as usual.

Date released: 201205 (19.11pm)
Mood : Like Twinkling Stars Above

Love
Current mood: amused

A Nice Article about Love
As I look at the meaning of love deeply now i have love all around me, staying around or be it flying all over me, everywhere in me, everywhere in the universe....

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were
sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with
some water and held it before me, and said this:
"You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."

This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to
close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.

This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try
to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling
out of your hand, love will retrieve from you .

For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are
people you love, allow them to be free beings.

Give and don't expect.
Advise, but don't order.
Ask, but never demand.

It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly
practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must
sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an
unconditional caring.

Passing thought...

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take;
but by the moments that take our breath away.....

An so it goes to him, you, families, friends and who ever love me be it secretly or have said it amazingly to me...Thank you yes i love you but on my own way dear....

To Raja Mazlan the proposal is decent enough somehow i think to marry just because of certain things wont work for me. Meantime just pray allah will open my thoughts of remarrying again...

Beneathe the Twinkling Stars

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Beneath the Twinkling Stars Current mood: cheerful When your arm wrapped around me When your breath tickling my ears When you whisper my name When your skin touching mine The sky seems to smile The moons is gleaming The stars is beaming high The half open eyes Heavily sounded breath While the hands is running slowly Trailing the curve langorously The tickling sensation The burning desire The off beat passion The luring desire High on the cloud nine Mumbling over you Taking me from the ground To the uncontrol the destiny To Simply Heavenly Me

REPOSTING - GIRLS OUTING

Girls Outing - Reposting
Current mood: Dont Smirk but Smile for YOur Smile is Shared by A

Hey readers im REPOSTING THIS n THIS TIME WIth pICTUREs

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Girls Days Outing
Current mood: happy

Waiting for Tinkle’s call what time is she picking me for the day event. Mah has promise to treat us to Genting today for a get away. They arrive about 9.45am and introduce me to Ros a friend from Kota Bharu.

(the 3rd longest in the world and the fastest)

We reach Genting Skyway about 11 plus not really looking at the clock, we bought ticket for the cable ride. As usual I’m covering the feelings of fear of being high on the sky. Was hesitate to follow at first but since all of them wanted to have the feel I join in. Phewww off we go and I started making a jokes throughout the ride. It was a good experience tho and we laugh throughout the journey looking at Tinkle face and her quietness that was really not her style. All and all it was an excellence experience. 3^rd longest in Asia and the fasted Skyway in the world.
(takut punya pasal asik tengok kaki je beside the high up we go the cloudy it become)

Anyway all of us feel good as soon as we touch ground and starting off to the theme park ticket counter ready to go in for the fear factor event. Ros was wearing skirt when she realized that she is going to miss all the fun later when we starting our merry go round swing. I wasn’t much into all those but since I am there I took the opportunity. We were feeling giddy when we touch down and starting to stride for next fun.

Ros decided to buy a pants and doesn’t want to miss all the fun we are having. And next was a space shot ride. Since I have had that ride before I opt not to take part and Ros join in. Hehehe I watched them queuing and laughed at their white pale face when they touched down. I was laughing the hell out loud when they said they tried to put down their but on the seat. I can still imagine their reaction when the Space Shot goes down.

Next ride was the roller coaster, more of yelling and shouting and laughing and giggling out of our mind. It was the most thrilling and fun ride of all. And next was the superman flying experience ride. I was not ready to this but since it is catered for four in one ride, I join in. My god I am really out of mind shouting and yelling and all the times close my eyes and just feel how the machine swing us up and down, left to right, and back to front. The best joke is that when looking at the picture taken during the ride. Scary face, shock stricken and pale as white.

Adventure continues with Sg Rejang ride where all of us was then wet by the water splashing and we realize we haven’t eaten lunch. After lunch all of us was tired and then decided to go back. The cloud was heavier than we came, almost 3 ¼ of the journey was covered by clouds. I was making jokes all the way down to make all of us comfortable. We were the noisiest amongst the 8 passengers.

They decided to stop by my house for solat and freshen up. And off for karaoke next when we decided not to go dinner yet. Bungkel and Denk join us later. We have fun and shared the day mercifully.

There was few boyfriends who asked why aren’t they asked to join for the trip. I think the Girls Days Outing is fun sometimes just for ourselves.

(this was taken earlier)

Anyway it was fun. To Rose thanks for contributing those lovely picture. And to the two lovely ladies this piece are for you. To have you around is so wonderful and fun. Will go and venture something more exciting than this yea. Lets go for next trip next year should i be ok with my health condition.

Released: 22^nd November 05
Currently listening: Traxx FM
Mood: Happy

REPOSTING - Who am I

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

WHO AM I? Current mood: Happy to get Connected To ME I was having very good conversation today with few people. From a lovely ladies to the handsome guys. I could say an achievement of a day to know me. Listening, sharing and understanding people always amused me. There are many characteristic and colours of people. From there I feel great deal of views im seing today. Why do I listen to people? Why do I see people? What do I gather from what I hear? What do I get from the picture I saw in the people? Where does the story goes next? Where would the people go after and image is portrayed? When do they need to take the action after the stories are told and they are being listened? When the people are portrayed and pictured as someone when are they going to be structured as who are they? Who are those people listen to the story poured by them? Who are the people who are responsible to the image portrayed? This 5w’s is a good way to know me. These entire question is very confusing when we look at it at once glance. But it is the best way of knowing you. Know the characteristic in you. Know the strengths in you. Know the weaknesses in you. How do you carry yourself as a person? How do you know yourself in terms of which character do you have? Are we an interesting person to be with? Are we strong enough? Are we good enough to attract people to be in our circle? Are we ok if we are left out alone? Knowing yourself is not hard. Simple question by asking yourself what do you want, who are you, where are you heading, when do you need to act, why do we you need to do what you are doing now is a simple thing to address yourselves of all question. I may not be good in translating this but since I’ve practicing asking myself and challenge me to be who I am. I’m getting myself out. I know I have been using my emotions to think before and I am not going to repeat the same thing again. We are granted a brain to use over every single things happening to our daily life. I am so determined of what I want now. Will not consider turning back to the path that I have left. Challenging Lina to be in reality and forming farm as example in the beginning has been a very good move. I’m glad I have three important person who is able to bring me out. In my search since 2001 till now. Well I can say it is not long but to some people it is very long to get something out of the shell which is enveloping me for 30 over years. Damn that was long according to them. What takes me too long to realize the beauty of being individual, the beauty of being ME, the beauty of being Lina or Lynn. That three person is Aznin Ghazali who has been challenging me daily without fail with one simple question asked. “Is it wrong to be single”. His next question “What is wrong with you? What are you lacking? Is that single thing are going to make you less than a person? So what if you are single, you managed your kids well, you are not tagged with emotional issues, you are not being possessed like you used to, you are not being used financially by him, and so and so”… Only then I opened up one by one question to get the answer to get over with and get it done here and there. First thing I do managed my financial over the divorce case. 2ndly foresee my path of next 5 years. During that time my twins was just in kindergarden. Was having idea to send them to the same school as her sister in Lai Meng but unfortunately my financial was not stabil at that time. I opted to send them to normal school and encourage time to time to be as good as their sister. If I know I will, im sure they can do. Then I become focused with my work. Trying to keep what ever emotions far away from work. I become stubborn, sharp, fast, multitask and what ever boss need me to do. My time of being weak was over and I’m getting over with my sadness and inferiority. I’m challenging time to get the real me out. I’m beating my curiosity by asking a lot of question and taking the power of “if”. What “if” I do this and it doesn’t work, what “if” I do that and it work but not 100%. I’m becoming stronger and more of courage since I did that. I take the control of me, myself and I. I say yes when I want to and I say no when I need to. Next person who always listen and give advice accordingly was Zulkifli Zain. Countless time I was being emotional driving middle of nowhere, being stupid just to let out my tears, anger and sorrow. Before going home to my kids where I don’t want them to see the weak part of me. It throw out to him, I tell the scenario. “Logically it should not be the way you are doing farm”. Trying to soothe me and calm me. “Go home, you belongs to your lovely kids, not the evil roadside of nowhere”. I think, I get my head crashed, cracking the root of the problems. Damn… He was right. “Go home Lina, this is not the way you doing it. Get over it. Go home take your shower, be with him, your creator, your source of mercy. Ask from him for guidance” says inner me… At times he caught me crying, he will wipe the tears with all the jokes and fun tales… I should be thankful, in a way without me looking, someone found me out of nowhere and listen deeply to the soul. Letting go the emotional issue was not easy nor difficult. It is all in the brain. Emotion is an art, logic is science, form of doing it is ‘think’. And so we were given the art and science as a guide to win the our emotions and being logic in everything we does. “See you learn new things everyday now. Aren’t you proud now of yourself now lina?” inner me asking… I cant shove that aside while actually and the fact is yes I am looking at it perfectly one after another… Third person finally who is really challenging my nerve to get out of being me was Halimi Abdullah. He sat down with me one day sometime in April in Starbuck KLCC about an issue of accepting third person sharing my love one in my life. The next message from him was “good for you farm, I hope everything goes well”. And so it goes one. I only come to him if I want to challenge my courage. To him it wasn’t difficult. He just need to explain while I sat there listen carefully or be it only in sms. We don’t meet often, once in the blue moon over few session of karaoke or coffee with group of people. At those time he doesn’t know I had him (ex bf) still. I goes out or sms him just to get some ideas and will power. He will put it in simple way and words to make me understand situation. During those moment where I was in a junction to make my decision whether to continue or to get out of love life, he was there to just giving simple thoughts and reminder again of how worth a person is to be in my life if it is only creating problem after another. When I achieve the answer and solution, I took the chance to travel out of country just to be with myself. Just to challenge my needs and wants and the courage of letting go. I was not feeling guilty to be with someone else. I was not feeling guilty of seeing another person. I was not feeling guilty to lie to Zahar why did I have to go out of town during the day I suppose to meet him with Roslinah. Zahar you anticipate me wrongly dear. You will never know what am I going to do next to you or to my life. You are full of love of someone who spitted to your face and your parents once ago. But its a good sign of me to get rid of him and there I was throwing myself to someone I tried to understand long ago. Of why he came to me, why did he take the offer of going out with me and why did I say yes to travel just with him. The experience itself thought me a lot of reality about him and me. Next week after my get away. I mailed Halimi to help me again getting my belongings at Bukit Chedang. He was very much helpful and challenge me to do it in within 15 minutes. The minute I open the house I saw her face and my heart is confirming what Halimi is saying was right. He is not worth to be with. The only thing I didn’t take was the memory which will killed him softly. For all the help Aznin, Zulkifli and Halimi is doing, I thanked all of them deeply from my heart for bringing the real me out to reality. I love you guys for being you, for challenging me in reality. So chatworld wasn't actually a place for us to hide if you know what you are doing. Finally the shadow is emerging and they are not bad people there actually if you know who you hang out with. Well again i take my own sweet time, if you can take my pace of racing do join me otherwise, its always your choice... I manage to do a lot of things nowadays. The only thing I have not overcome is fear of water. I was about very close to it when my Project Aware trip has to be called off due to the emergency I have at home. I was called immediately to come back by my brother thinking that I was still in KL. I did satisfy them and I am being faraway from home now. But im very close to my angels more than anything else. One day I will be there to beat the fear of being in the water and know the other world of nature. I will be, that is my promise. To all of you girlfriend who hear me in and out. You are there but most of time listen instead of challenged me. I want a challenge to be part in the mysterious life. The journey has begun and I anticipate mercy one after another… My next visit was to be near to HIS house and finding the NUR in me…. Permudahkan hidupku dan murahkan rezekiku ya allah, aku ingin menemuimu secepat mungkin…syukur atas kasihmu, syukur atas rezekimu, syukur atas nikmatmu…Amin ya rabbal alamin… 1246am 28th September 05 Listening to: Listen to your Heart (Roxette) Mood: Happy to get Connected To ME 8:36 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	town's thief	Kind words Farm, Mlady. I'm nvr good at saying thank you...but thank you. I would like to take this oportunity to thnks God, my mom, my dad, myspace, each and everyone of my angels - all 10 of them...hehe..mcm menang emmy la plak..but Farm thank you...( kalo zulkifli zain yg u sebut tu, I la that is...kalo bukan, just consider I ni saja nak perasan jap.. ). But your real strength is actually within...we are just supporting players in your life. If u think you have achieved something, the credit is all yours...cya. Posted by town's thief on Thursday, September 29, 2005 at 5:38 AM []

Halimi

To be named in full, I'm honoured... To be accepted just for being brutally honest, I'm glad... Posted by Halimi on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 at 9:55 AM