Glad that people notice the eagerness, greediness and selfishness in them. I always agree and note that in me. As human we cant run away from that feelings. The needs in us sometimes put away our sensibility and the building of the needs and wanting kills the good sense of ownself.
I noted everytime i say things about this people would say i hear from one side not both. Wise person will not take a side feedback but all. Not one, not two but surroundings too. I smile i like that thought. I love to observe people, i like to ask question, i like to know their favourite colours, their eating habits, their way of thinking, their hobbies, their handwriting, their way of eating.
All of those will give you what a person are actually. Having to work with socio science area, doing survey on attitude and behaviours, reading and be with them successful and medium rank and also from lower rank of people do me wonders. Of how to appreciate the life that I am having now.
Being happy to work, to eat well, to love all those around me and also being able to nurture as a mother, friends, employee and etc. I thank god for all i have today.
With that observation, surveys, questions and answer, I have had good spread of well balance example on why are things created on their own ways. Not many will interprate it right. It takes time for one to understand the importantance to understand one situation or incidence happened.
I dont have to explain all here, as all the important values are kept only for my own observation, use and future reference. All i can do is just give more of my time and effort to say this to me "if those things are meant for you, it will be for you" . And i always believe in having faith that god is fair n knows best why he give you what you are having now.
You may have lots of money but are lack of attention and love, you may have lots of love but you may not have millions of dollars. If the opportunity is there but u dont work hard u will not get anything out of it at all. So reader dont just assume you have known it all, dont just assume you have read all because the hidden write ups in your life is never unfold if you are not addressing it yourself.
Semuga ramadhan memberi hidayah dan keberkatan.
To Know ME is to love me. To Love ME is to get into ME. A way to go into ME??? You got to find out... The colours of me is my LIFE. Life is Beautiful only when you find the Rainbow...How to Colour ME? Paint ME beautifully...........
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
Aku atau Dia....
The facts that we are the same.
Yang mungkin membezakan itu cuma karektor, attitude and behaviour. My classmate call me out of nowhere with a tales story of a man. About him marrying 22 years old girl. About meeting her in 5 months and be able to buy her a house, giving her business, expensive watches, handbags, outfits etc. With my calm tone i told her to be patience and seek for HIS blessings and mercy for guidance and help.He cant leave his fellow asking without an answer and help her in her difficulties.
I have known her for over 20 years. She was my classmate, my collegemate, and my clubbing mate during our teen age. We live nearby, we date together, we share our stories, we share our plate and lots of other things too. I know him, I know her 1st boyfriend, i know her previous boyfriend and i know who she married too. Since she got married she become introvert. I hear from her once a while, i call her for rumah terbuka and some other occassion. I met her only once a while since then.
A month ago she traced me back and leave me an email that makes me curious about her life now. Since then she turned to me whenever she needs a friend to talk to. We become like the old teenage friend but this time being an advisor and lending an ear whenever she needs me.
It happens around me all the time. If it is not my friend it is your friend or her friend friend's. Its too common. In her case I cant detect the lack of attention, love and passion like its always told by those men. He gets all he needs from a wife, a woman, a mother and also from a lover. Man are just greedy at times, selfish when they can only see one side of the world. And I am the listener the observer taking all the inputs and download it in my box of heart computing and compiling it for the next chapter of life.I can just wish and make sure she will be better and be more patience of the obstacles. This is only one part. While other people face the worse like the case of Jurin.
Three of my daughters celebrate her birthdays few days ago and i am suppose to plan for break fasting outside one of this days. Sunday we are going to visit Rumah anak Yatim in Klang to share their experience with them.
Yang mungkin membezakan itu cuma karektor, attitude and behaviour. My classmate call me out of nowhere with a tales story of a man. About him marrying 22 years old girl. About meeting her in 5 months and be able to buy her a house, giving her business, expensive watches, handbags, outfits etc. With my calm tone i told her to be patience and seek for HIS blessings and mercy for guidance and help.He cant leave his fellow asking without an answer and help her in her difficulties.
I have known her for over 20 years. She was my classmate, my collegemate, and my clubbing mate during our teen age. We live nearby, we date together, we share our stories, we share our plate and lots of other things too. I know him, I know her 1st boyfriend, i know her previous boyfriend and i know who she married too. Since she got married she become introvert. I hear from her once a while, i call her for rumah terbuka and some other occassion. I met her only once a while since then.
A month ago she traced me back and leave me an email that makes me curious about her life now. Since then she turned to me whenever she needs a friend to talk to. We become like the old teenage friend but this time being an advisor and lending an ear whenever she needs me.
It happens around me all the time. If it is not my friend it is your friend or her friend friend's. Its too common. In her case I cant detect the lack of attention, love and passion like its always told by those men. He gets all he needs from a wife, a woman, a mother and also from a lover. Man are just greedy at times, selfish when they can only see one side of the world. And I am the listener the observer taking all the inputs and download it in my box of heart computing and compiling it for the next chapter of life.I can just wish and make sure she will be better and be more patience of the obstacles. This is only one part. While other people face the worse like the case of Jurin.
Three of my daughters celebrate her birthdays few days ago and i am suppose to plan for break fasting outside one of this days. Sunday we are going to visit Rumah anak Yatim in Klang to share their experience with them.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Expressive
When my expressiveness was responded by silentness I reacted and become angry. I was sad. In the corner of my eyes formed a tiny bit of tears that falling the more i talk about it. I will not save it anymore in my heart. I was having problem talking to myself as to whether expressing what i feel or not.
But i take my inner suggestion to say out and still im sad about it. His silentness hurts me more. So i was sad for the whole day
But i take my inner suggestion to say out and still im sad about it. His silentness hurts me more. So i was sad for the whole day
Friday, June 15, 2007
Woman, Mother, Lady, Lover
From a friend email
A woman is often measured by the things she can't control. She is measured by the way her body curves or doesn't curve, by where she is flat, or round or straight. She is measured by 36 - 24- 36 & inches & ages & nos, by all the outside things that don't ever add up to who she is in the inside.
And so if a woman is to be measured, let her be measured by the things she can control, by who she is and who she is trying to become. Because every woman knows, measurements are only statistics. And statistics LIE!
A woman is often measured by the things she can't control. She is measured by the way her body curves or doesn't curve, by where she is flat, or round or straight. She is measured by 36 - 24- 36 & inches & ages & nos, by all the outside things that don't ever add up to who she is in the inside.
And so if a woman is to be measured, let her be measured by the things she can control, by who she is and who she is trying to become. Because every woman knows, measurements are only statistics. And statistics LIE!
Friday, May 25, 2007
Achievement
Achievement Lama tak bercakap tentang diri....terasa rindu pula untuk menulis...
On my children side that something I love to pen down.
Shira has been released from her sport camp 2 weeks ago. Achieving one gold medal for 4x100 and bronze for 4x200 representing for WP in MSSM held from 9 -12th May. In conjunction with her birthday that was the biggest prize for her beside being 3 years in a row holding best athletes title in S.R.J.KC. Lai Meng.
And the biggest even will be end of this month for her third time Khatam Quran. There will be a small ceromony held to celebrate the event. She and her older sister will be having the same occassion on 2nd June and hopefully the twins will follow by end of this year. God willing.
My father in law passed away last Saturday at 5.45pm pm leaving 7 childrens, 26 grand childrens and 6 great grand childrens. His extensive big families really brings the joy in his life and throughout his journey on board. He was left alone by dear wife 10 years ago keeping himself surviving and having the fond memories of her in his chest and mind.
The last I saw him was about a month ago before I left to Bandung. I was lucky to have met him and still remember who am I when I last visited him. Semuga rohnya dirahmati dan ditempatkan disisi mereka yang beriman dan taqwa. Amin.
On the otherside this morning upon entering his car, his eyes lingered from top to toe, touching my skirt, gazing and looking again and again. Complimenting the attire I'm wearing today. That was not just that. The strange acting was from yesterday when I asked him many time what is it in his mind. Running away from questions was his specialities and jumping to next topics one to another. Out of sudden while driving he hugged me and that was really a surprise. And there after he sealed his mouth not talking anymore till I tickled him with killer questions. Today I think that I can summed up some of the stories into line after his court case. That will jeorpadise his time, his planning and next vision. The only thing he says before putting down the phone just now "please pray for me". God hears you and everyone.
So have faith....
On my children side that something I love to pen down.
Shira has been released from her sport camp 2 weeks ago. Achieving one gold medal for 4x100 and bronze for 4x200 representing for WP in MSSM held from 9 -12th May. In conjunction with her birthday that was the biggest prize for her beside being 3 years in a row holding best athletes title in S.R.J.KC. Lai Meng.
And the biggest even will be end of this month for her third time Khatam Quran. There will be a small ceromony held to celebrate the event. She and her older sister will be having the same occassion on 2nd June and hopefully the twins will follow by end of this year. God willing.
My father in law passed away last Saturday at 5.45pm pm leaving 7 childrens, 26 grand childrens and 6 great grand childrens. His extensive big families really brings the joy in his life and throughout his journey on board. He was left alone by dear wife 10 years ago keeping himself surviving and having the fond memories of her in his chest and mind.
The last I saw him was about a month ago before I left to Bandung. I was lucky to have met him and still remember who am I when I last visited him. Semuga rohnya dirahmati dan ditempatkan disisi mereka yang beriman dan taqwa. Amin.
On the otherside this morning upon entering his car, his eyes lingered from top to toe, touching my skirt, gazing and looking again and again. Complimenting the attire I'm wearing today. That was not just that. The strange acting was from yesterday when I asked him many time what is it in his mind. Running away from questions was his specialities and jumping to next topics one to another. Out of sudden while driving he hugged me and that was really a surprise. And there after he sealed his mouth not talking anymore till I tickled him with killer questions. Today I think that I can summed up some of the stories into line after his court case. That will jeorpadise his time, his planning and next vision. The only thing he says before putting down the phone just now "please pray for me". God hears you and everyone.
So have faith....
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Eternity
Priority is always yourself. Dont put anyone first except HIM the one who thinks of you all the time. Waiting for you to praise HIM, seek solace in HIM, find peace in HIM.
Never explain, who ever can understand you will take you as it is
"Dont deny your own needs and wants.
The only one who able to love and understand what you want is ONLY YOU"
"You choose to decide the best for you, be it yesterday, now or tomorrow.
Best choice leading the wiser you"
"We often make wrong judgement over people we love.
Let them love you more than you love them"
"Emotions leads to failure"
"Time wait for no one, enjoy life as it is, be thankful because what ever you've tasted makes you eager to have more"
Never explain, who ever can understand you will take you as it is
"Dont deny your own needs and wants.
The only one who able to love and understand what you want is ONLY YOU"
"You choose to decide the best for you, be it yesterday, now or tomorrow.
Best choice leading the wiser you"
"We often make wrong judgement over people we love.
Let them love you more than you love them"
"Emotions leads to failure"
"Time wait for no one, enjoy life as it is, be thankful because what ever you've tasted makes you eager to have more"
Friday, May 18, 2007
Ibu
ketika ibu saya berkunjung, ibu mengajak saya
untuk shopping bersamanya kerana dia
menginginkan sepasang kurung yg baru. Saya
sebenarnya tidak suka pergi membeli belah
bersama dengan orang lain, dan saya bukanlah
orang yang sabar, tetapi walaupun demikian
kami pergi juga ke pusat membeli belah tersebut.
Kami mengunjungi setiap butik yang
menyediakan pakaian wanita, dan ibu saya
mencuba sehelai demi sehelai pakaian dan
mengembalikan semuanya. Seiring hari yang
berlalu, saya mulai penat dan kelihatan jelas
riak2 kecewa di wajah ibu.
Akhirnya pada butik terakhir yang kami
kunjungi,
ibu saya mencuba satu baju kurung yang
cantik .
Dan kerana ketidaksabaran saya, maka untuk
kali ini saya ikut masuk dan berdiri bersama ibu
saya dalam fitting room, saya melihat bagaimana ibu
mencuba pakaian tersebut, dan dengan susah
mencuba untuk mengenakannya. Ternyata
tangan-tangannya sudah mulai dilumpuhkan oleh
penyakit radang sendi dan sebab itu dia tidak dapat
melakukannya, seketika ketidaksabaran saya
digantikan oleh suatu rasa kasihan yang dalam
kepadanya. Saya berbalik pergi dan cuba
menyembunyikan air mata yang keluar tanpa
saya sedari. Setelah saya mendapatkan ketenangan
lagi, saya kembali masuk ke fitting room untuk
membantu ibu mengenakan pakaiannya.
Pakaian ini begitu indah, dan ibu membelinya.
Shopping kami telah berakhir, tetapi kejadian
tersebut terukir dan tidak dapat dilupakan dari
ingatan . Sepanjang sisa hari itu, fikiran saya
tetap saja kembali pada saat berada di dalam
fitting room tersebut dan terbayang tangan ibu
saya yang sedang berusaha mengenakan
pakaiannya. Kedua tangan yang penuh dengan
kasih, yang pernah menyuapi, memandikan
saya, memakaikan baju, membelai dan memeluk
saya, dan terlebih dari semuanya, berdoa untuk saya,
sekarang tangan itu telah menyentuh hati saya
dengan cara yang paling berbekas dalam hati
saya. Kemudian pada malam harinya saya
pergi ke kamar ibu saya mengambil tangannya,
lantas menciumnya ... dan yang membuatnya terkejut,
saya memberitahunya bahwa bagi saya kedua
tangan tersebut adalah tangan yang paling
indah di dunia ini. Saya sangat bersyukur bahwa
Tuhan telah membuat saya dapat melihat dengan
sejelasnya, betapa bernilai dan berrharganya
kasih sayang yang penuh pengorbanan dari
seorang ibu.
Saya hanya dapat berdoa bahwa suatu hari
kelak tangan saya dan hati saya akan memiliki
keindahannya tersendiri. Dunia ini memiliki
banyak keajaiban, segala ciptaan Tuhan yang
begitu agung, tetapi tak satu pun yang dapat
menandingi keindahan tangan Ibu...
untuk shopping bersamanya kerana dia
menginginkan sepasang kurung yg baru. Saya
sebenarnya tidak suka pergi membeli belah
bersama dengan orang lain, dan saya bukanlah
orang yang sabar, tetapi walaupun demikian
kami pergi juga ke pusat membeli belah tersebut.
Kami mengunjungi setiap butik yang
menyediakan pakaian wanita, dan ibu saya
mencuba sehelai demi sehelai pakaian dan
mengembalikan semuanya. Seiring hari yang
berlalu, saya mulai penat dan kelihatan jelas
riak2 kecewa di wajah ibu.
Akhirnya pada butik terakhir yang kami
kunjungi,
ibu saya mencuba satu baju kurung yang
cantik .
Dan kerana ketidaksabaran saya, maka untuk
kali ini saya ikut masuk dan berdiri bersama ibu
saya dalam fitting room, saya melihat bagaimana ibu
mencuba pakaian tersebut, dan dengan susah
mencuba untuk mengenakannya. Ternyata
tangan-tangannya sudah mulai dilumpuhkan oleh
penyakit radang sendi dan sebab itu dia tidak dapat
melakukannya, seketika ketidaksabaran saya
digantikan oleh suatu rasa kasihan yang dalam
kepadanya. Saya berbalik pergi dan cuba
menyembunyikan air mata yang keluar tanpa
saya sedari. Setelah saya mendapatkan ketenangan
lagi, saya kembali masuk ke fitting room untuk
membantu ibu mengenakan pakaiannya.
Pakaian ini begitu indah, dan ibu membelinya.
Shopping kami telah berakhir, tetapi kejadian
tersebut terukir dan tidak dapat dilupakan dari
ingatan . Sepanjang sisa hari itu, fikiran saya
tetap saja kembali pada saat berada di dalam
fitting room tersebut dan terbayang tangan ibu
saya yang sedang berusaha mengenakan
pakaiannya. Kedua tangan yang penuh dengan
kasih, yang pernah menyuapi, memandikan
saya, memakaikan baju, membelai dan memeluk
saya, dan terlebih dari semuanya, berdoa untuk saya,
sekarang tangan itu telah menyentuh hati saya
dengan cara yang paling berbekas dalam hati
saya. Kemudian pada malam harinya saya
pergi ke kamar ibu saya mengambil tangannya,
lantas menciumnya ... dan yang membuatnya terkejut,
saya memberitahunya bahwa bagi saya kedua
tangan tersebut adalah tangan yang paling
indah di dunia ini. Saya sangat bersyukur bahwa
Tuhan telah membuat saya dapat melihat dengan
sejelasnya, betapa bernilai dan berrharganya
kasih sayang yang penuh pengorbanan dari
seorang ibu.
Saya hanya dapat berdoa bahwa suatu hari
kelak tangan saya dan hati saya akan memiliki
keindahannya tersendiri. Dunia ini memiliki
banyak keajaiban, segala ciptaan Tuhan yang
begitu agung, tetapi tak satu pun yang dapat
menandingi keindahan tangan Ibu...
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Akhirnya....
Jawapan itu belum pasti. Hanya waktu yang bakal menentukan. Tetapi gambaran seluruhnya telah ku dapati. Keputusan akhir bukan ditangan ku.
Yang bakal menentukan itu semua adalah dia juga. Aku harus kuat menangani segalanya. Dia yang menggenggam bara itu maka ia akan menjadikannya abu.
Aku hanya perlu menyampaikannya kesana. Masa yang diperlukan, masalah yang menentukan.
Yang bakal menentukan itu semua adalah dia juga. Aku harus kuat menangani segalanya. Dia yang menggenggam bara itu maka ia akan menjadikannya abu.
Aku hanya perlu menyampaikannya kesana. Masa yang diperlukan, masalah yang menentukan.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Moods
Im in a very critical mode. Fragile, vulnerable, temperamental!!!!!!!!!!. Im having hard time with myself, relations and career.
But Im still holdin to my faith and patience is my key. Deep breathing helps me a lot. But im scared i could loose my temper like and explosive volcano.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I am for who I am
Mostly people that I know or even admirers, stalkers usually look for me for the appeal that I have. They always associates me with sex, imagination, wild fantasies and ideas.
Raunchy, wild, agressive, are so opposite of me. Farmgirl always associated with that tag on. How does that comes to mind, im not sure.
All those are an immediate turn off to befriend with them. To me they are not sincere. They are there for me for a mission.
Sometime i wonder whats wrong with the way i dressed up. I know somehow i have all the features that all woman wants. Not that i dont like it but sometime i thinks its too bold on me where it fall perfectly in place . I thank HIM for all that i have.
For the personality i have, I dont have to wait for long to make friends. Pushing away my shyness once upon a time developed in me and transformed myself into a whole new person. One question will lead to another and a smile will turn to laughter. Was that wrong?.
Insecure? I do feel it sometimes. For it will make me feel i will be in trouble at anytime. But then it has helps me a lot by changing to be a friendly person and getting helps and also associates immediately and fast. I have many acquiantance, friends, family become closer and it warmth the situation all the time.
It doesnt fit to many people around. Especially on women itself. I care less about the details talks about people. I hate places which is so doomed and gloomy, slow, hazy and etc. I like fast, bubbly, colourful and wonderful.
Was I wrong in changing to be a whole new person with an image and personality liked by mostly male encounters only?
*sigh.......*
5.23pm
Raunchy, wild, agressive, are so opposite of me. Farmgirl always associated with that tag on. How does that comes to mind, im not sure.
All those are an immediate turn off to befriend with them. To me they are not sincere. They are there for me for a mission.
Sometime i wonder whats wrong with the way i dressed up. I know somehow i have all the features that all woman wants. Not that i dont like it but sometime i thinks its too bold on me where it fall perfectly in place . I thank HIM for all that i have.
For the personality i have, I dont have to wait for long to make friends. Pushing away my shyness once upon a time developed in me and transformed myself into a whole new person. One question will lead to another and a smile will turn to laughter. Was that wrong?.
Insecure? I do feel it sometimes. For it will make me feel i will be in trouble at anytime. But then it has helps me a lot by changing to be a friendly person and getting helps and also associates immediately and fast. I have many acquiantance, friends, family become closer and it warmth the situation all the time.
It doesnt fit to many people around. Especially on women itself. I care less about the details talks about people. I hate places which is so doomed and gloomy, slow, hazy and etc. I like fast, bubbly, colourful and wonderful.
Was I wrong in changing to be a whole new person with an image and personality liked by mostly male encounters only?
*sigh.......*
5.23pm
Between Needs and Wants
Learning process takes daily experience. Although its hard to swallow but biting and chewing it slowly would definitely do good and fast learning experience of taking how life is. The ups and down helps a lot to manage the feelings and emotional part as for being tough, hard or soft and moving on.
Im at the end of the junction. Its either/ or. Neither or nor.
I can choose to have freinds, family and my life.
Or
Husband, family and marriage life.
Big decision needs lot of sacrificing.
Torn!!!
Was I not happy without someone beside me at night? Was I lonely not to share someone in my bed? Was I not feeling good to splash all the good things in life to my children except for fatherly love. I have frens to love me, family to support me, children to hug me, acquantaince to keep me going, career to make me alive and I even got him, admirers, stalkers, lovers, ex'es...
Sigh....
Im at the end of the junction. Its either/ or. Neither or nor.
I can choose to have freinds, family and my life.
Or
Husband, family and marriage life.
Big decision needs lot of sacrificing.
Torn!!!
Was I not happy without someone beside me at night? Was I lonely not to share someone in my bed? Was I not feeling good to splash all the good things in life to my children except for fatherly love. I have frens to love me, family to support me, children to hug me, acquantaince to keep me going, career to make me alive and I even got him, admirers, stalkers, lovers, ex'es...
Sigh....
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Resume of a Lover
Application for approval/ shorlisting:
| Capabilities |
| 1. Cook |
| 2. Make babies |
| 3. Working |
| 4. Socialise |
| 5. Communicate |
Sense of... |
| 6. Honesty |
| 7. Sincerity |
| 8. Humourous |
| 9. Responsibility |
| 10. Confidence |
| 11. Independent |
| 12. Loving |
| 13. Friendliness |
| 14. Respect |
| 15. Logic |
| 16. Maturity |
| 17. Commitment |
| 18. Warmth |
| 19. Happy go Lucky |
| Options…. |
| 20. Passionate |
Hope this meet your expectation and would love to show you my competence
Monday, March 19, 2007
Private Dance
19 March 2007
The rythm, the melody swayz herbody left and right. Following the tempo and music to her ease. The mixture of the instruments blends in her magical move. Enticing her from within making the move flowing like a wind.
It has to blend in together with her emotions, her feel, her right situation and her timing. Well developed into her lyrics and blasted outright to everyone surrounding her. Its either they just look, they claps together or even hold on to her waist to fit in the rythm together.
The tempo which fails to trail every inch of her slender body will slowly left giving more rooms to whom can take her hand in the new melody. Fast, slow, tango, salsa, mambo, limbo, rock, soul, jazzy anything that catch her glittering eyes and her soul and crack a smile on her lips.
3.07pm
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Ikhlas
thoughtful 18 Jan 2007
6.07pm
Definisi berbeza-beza dari setiap orang. Cara perlakuan, penerimaan dan penyampaian tidak sama. Dihati nawaitu ada tapi apabila dilaksanakan ia kadangkala tidak sampai ketahap yang dikatakan ikhlas.
Apakah ikhlas itu? Dimanakah terletaknya keikhlasan? Bagaimanakah caranya ikhlas itu dilaksanakan? Tidak dinafikan ianya sukar untuk ditentukan dan bagaimana ia dinilaikan.
Mendalami ilmu ikhlas bermakna mencabar kewibawaan diri, iman, taqwa dan minda. Namun jika benar ia datang dari hati yang luhur ianya pasti dilaksanakan. Dan hanya DIA yang dapat mentafsirkan keikhlasan sesuatu perbuatan, niat ataupun keinginan.
Bagaimana mencabar diri dengan ikhlas? Seperti menghulur tangan kanan dan menyorok tangan kiri. Memberi tetapi tak mengaku ianya dari kamu. Sukar untuk dipercayai masih ada insan yang melakukan ini semua tetapi sewajarnya kita tak tahu kerana hanya yang benar-benar ikhlas tidak akan menampakkan diri maupun menyebut apa yang dilakukan, diperbuat hanya untuk mendapatkan keredhaan.
Jelas dimata apa yang terpampang dikehidupan sekarang ini, keikhlasan semakin pupus. Mungkin dari cara penulisan ini anda juga bisa menilai. Tetapi bagiku dari sinilah aku belajar sambil mengingatkan diri kembali dari apa yang sepatutnya kulakukan.
Yang baik dari dia, yang buruk dari kita.
Nawaitu adalah milik kita, penghakiman adalah miliknya.
Wallahuallambissawab....
Rindu yang terlarang
8 Jan 2007
Menahan diri dari ditakluki ??? Tidak berjaya... Menakluki??? Belum cuba...
Semakin kupendam rindu yang terlarang semakin tidak mungkin. Ingin aku katakan padanya ada yang memerlukan kerana itu aku harus mendapatkan tapi tidak mungkin ia terluah.
Harus bagaimanakah aku. Teman sesuatu yang kau lakukan amat sukar untuk diterima akal dan minda tetapi itu yang aku maukan.
Tersungkam aku dalam keinginan yang tak sampai...
Menahan diri dari ditakluki ??? Tidak berjaya... Menakluki??? Belum cuba...
Semakin kupendam rindu yang terlarang semakin tidak mungkin. Ingin aku katakan padanya ada yang memerlukan kerana itu aku harus mendapatkan tapi tidak mungkin ia terluah.
Harus bagaimanakah aku. Teman sesuatu yang kau lakukan amat sukar untuk diterima akal dan minda tetapi itu yang aku maukan.
Tersungkam aku dalam keinginan yang tak sampai...
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Boundaries in Relationship
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
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Released: 090107 Mood: fine I.'ve been meaning to write about serious topics since i come back to work but nothing come to place and mind go bonkers when there is so many things comes popping. Early in the morning I was startled by a caller in myspace list who doesn't really knows my name and called for farm. Fine, it was me who picks up but it was not fine when I am given such surprise and was not give a respect in terms of setting or starting a frienship. Yes i called him from the office not wanting to give him my handphone number, and the purpose of calling just wanting to say hi and obliged to his invitation of being a friend. Connection or rather networking I should say and that makes me dialling his number. Upon that he called me hoping that I will give my number and my name to continue or prolong the relations. A set of boundaries was created in mylife to look after my interest in any circumstances. Be it in relationship, frenship, networking or rather personal wise. Why? Knowing what I want, where am heading, what to expect and so on makes me not to reveal some info at the very early stage of relation. Yeah the opening is there but time is always the measure of my relationship with anyone. Why because I dont want to cross a border of my own needs and want. Some people dont agree with me but I couldn't agree to what I dont want and not relevant to me. Too bad if they cant wait they have to move on. Back to him, in order knowing a person I do a background check nowadays. No longer touching the acceptance button immediately. I want to know more where would I be, when I let it happen and where its leading. I restricted everything now only on friendship not more nor less. Im in a third stage of rebuilding my life and I dont want to ruin everything that I've done almost 5 years ago. Tough and hard as steel I am now although mellowing with some emotions but sticking to the principal would do good to me insyaallah. I just need one thing this year as new year resolution. I want to be able to have trust and confidence in man again should I can and I should be able to convince myself. Otherwise the stability will make me comfortable of the status, position and be blessed of what I have now for me and my kids. It is all shown clearly by end of 2006. The action and reaction of what I have left 5 years ago with him which is not working and not convincing enough to make me able to respect and adore him still as a man who live with me for 10 years building a life as family. The answer is no no to him, I can be friend but to be back ermmmm..... Love which left as quote only can't build strong relation and now stagnant according to current situation. KIV, Naz said! No, it was not strong encouragement for me. Enforcement and working on the situation will do better for me to convinced that you are worth to be walking the path together but then again its in HIS hand. Im thankfull for that. Blessed that I can see it earlier before I go further indepths in my emotions. I shall leave till the right moment comes. No it never kills my love for him. It still grow but I cant live with love only. D has been consistently showing and proving despite of the rollercoaster life tantrum spells but he is still standing strong beside me, holding my hand but that I dont know for how long. Best man wins and I guess I have the answer as for now. Nope, its never enough and its hard pleasing me of all Ive gone through. I know its hard for em' to pace with my tune. Its all in their hand to prove my hypothesis is wrong and my analysis has to be revised. Im only human. The boundaries set within me to protect what I want and need. Im enjoying what I have now. To understand, to feel, to launch, to tickle, to linger, to crawl, to rant etc. It can go on and on and it will never end. But I love what I have, love whom loving me so much, admire some who has courage to set and go, salute who has courage to knock my door for an opening. All in all I am blessed to have you around me to set the colour of my life.  Trying to put and play with the colours accordingly to suit current situation.  Sipping sweetness of the taste being patience and passionate about whatever consequences I have to take.  And perhaps or rather lastly to find the pair that suits the colours, situation and the bloody emotional me.  I love you all. Farmie. 10.46am |
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