http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpvA3R9UwWw
I have third parfum from him last round. People said they wont be lingering long with you if he gave u parfum.
Thinking of what had happen to me previously i am thinking again, it doesnt take long for him to leave me if he find i am not suitable for him. But he is still around me. Still, to date.
It scare me to think deeper. I feel safe, secure, comfortable and so full of loved when i am with him the only thing that make me uncomfortable is his working mode has always carried him away n i am feeling being a punching bag.
It hurts, yes not once, not twice but few times already but still I am here n he is there.
"I will be there for a very long time for you..." he repeat that again.
Not once but few times when we fight??? Is it a fight??? No it is not a fight. I am not sure what it is.
Yes right now u are not famous yet, right now they arent any girls residing in ur mind, lingering in ur soul, hopping in ur eyes. But when the times comes, who i am to you.
"One day i will be very pious"...
"what stoping you now?"... i contest that question
"because i cant marry you"...
I heard that, or do i hear it wrongly. I never asked further and hoping i hear it wrongly.
There is many issue arise there. His mother, his age, his destiny, his life... i doubt he will waste his beautiful life for a mother like me. I challenge that idea, but i am not challenging god if it was written for me. I was just scared... thats what im feeling. Dont want to be carried away.
"We never shared our dreams", ive been reminded. Hence i should know and always remember, i am there for a Reason, may be on Season for a Lifetime. And with that i cant question anything which is not belonging to me. It will come n go just like the rest, who claimed the same.
I have feel the hurt, i have feel the pain and im allowing it again so is that the changes i wanted in life???
aku ini Wanita Biasa
Bisa Sakit Luka Karena Cinta
Dingin Sepi Kerap Menyapa
Air Mata Jatuh Lukisan Raga
Kadang ku Kuat Setegar Karang
Kadang ku Rapuh
Lemah Liar Merana
Chorus1
Maafkan Aku Bila Hasratku Keliru
Sulut Gairah Jiwamuku Yang
Dosakan Cinta Kekasih
Maafkan Aku Bila Hasratku Keliru
Sulut Gairah Jiwamuku Yang Dosakan Cinta
Kekasih Hatiku Kekasih Hatiku
Maafkan Akuaku Wanita Biasa
Dingin Sepi Kerap Menyapa
Air Mata Jatuh Lukisan Raga
Kadang ku Kuat Setegar Karang
Kadang ku Rapuh Lemah Liar Merana
Chorus2
Maafkan Aku Bila Hasratku Keliru
Sulut Gairah Jiwamuku Yang Dosakan
Cinta Kekasih
Maafkan Aku Bila Hasratku Keliru
Sulut Gairah Jiwamuku
Yang Dosakan Cinta Kekasih
Hatiku Maafkan Aku
To Know ME is to love me. To Love ME is to get into ME. A way to go into ME??? You got to find out... The colours of me is my LIFE. Life is Beautiful only when you find the Rainbow...How to Colour ME? Paint ME beautifully...........
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Keliru
It is indeed difficult to to be in one relation. Trying hard to understand a charactor, passion, do & don'ts, likes and dislikes, anger, sadness, hatred etc. My stomach churn everytime i tried to go deep into understanding whats not in me but the other party as in a partner.
But i am trying everyday learning the best way of how do i do it without hurting his feelings nor trigger anything of his unliking.
Why do i have a crinnging pain inside. I am not angry yes i am sad. So yes i wans't angry but yes i am sad. It hurts me. Im feeling the pain, bcos i dont know what i did that he is so angry.
He is tight in his timing and schedule but its me who feeling the heat and being pressed of his tense situation n pressure.
I understand and asked was it the time WITH ME making him feeling he is out of his way, and boundaries. Was I AM the sole reason for making him into that situation. I shouldnt ask, i shouldnt question. I make time for it, for him, for me to explore the togetherness and if thats pressing him and i am the cause why did he actually agree when i said im coming.
Damn no more question.
Dear page...
I am only letting out what i feel since last nite. Was it my fault to cause time to stop when he is with me. What do i do actually. God help me. I am in love but i am managing hard to be so patience with the situation.
Am i not understanding enough. If i do, let me go... so you will be free at no cost
To love is to let go, let all the pain hurts just me.
Let it be, i dont want to be a reason for anyone failure. I have enough in life, if thats makes him happy then i will let him happy.
Dear heart,
Dont be sad as you know you can never be secured when you are in a relationship.
So please be tough as always and let him capture his success, let him be on top of the world as you will smile to see him smiling up there because you are not the source of his success nor a failure.
So dear heart, calm down at peace please. Dont be sad as sadness is never part of your dreams.
Smile, for your smile are only seen with whom who loves to share it with you...
To you mr1thefool, i am sorry for causing a trouble. I know you will be fine, successful and hope all your wishes will come thru.
Take care and may your future be in ur hand soon.
I love you....
But i am trying everyday learning the best way of how do i do it without hurting his feelings nor trigger anything of his unliking.
Why do i have a crinnging pain inside. I am not angry yes i am sad. So yes i wans't angry but yes i am sad. It hurts me. Im feeling the pain, bcos i dont know what i did that he is so angry.
He is tight in his timing and schedule but its me who feeling the heat and being pressed of his tense situation n pressure.
I understand and asked was it the time WITH ME making him feeling he is out of his way, and boundaries. Was I AM the sole reason for making him into that situation. I shouldnt ask, i shouldnt question. I make time for it, for him, for me to explore the togetherness and if thats pressing him and i am the cause why did he actually agree when i said im coming.
Damn no more question.
Dear page...
I am only letting out what i feel since last nite. Was it my fault to cause time to stop when he is with me. What do i do actually. God help me. I am in love but i am managing hard to be so patience with the situation.
Am i not understanding enough. If i do, let me go... so you will be free at no cost
To love is to let go, let all the pain hurts just me.
Let it be, i dont want to be a reason for anyone failure. I have enough in life, if thats makes him happy then i will let him happy.
Dear heart,
Dont be sad as you know you can never be secured when you are in a relationship.
So please be tough as always and let him capture his success, let him be on top of the world as you will smile to see him smiling up there because you are not the source of his success nor a failure.
So dear heart, calm down at peace please. Dont be sad as sadness is never part of your dreams.
Smile, for your smile are only seen with whom who loves to share it with you...
To you mr1thefool, i am sorry for causing a trouble. I know you will be fine, successful and hope all your wishes will come thru.
Take care and may your future be in ur hand soon.
I love you....
Friday, October 16, 2009
Jetsetter Lover
Im trying to understand the meaning. Im trying to get why is it so. Getting to know more need more time. Slowly im beginning to understand or i may be wrong… here is it
In the love of my passion to travel, read and music, now i have more exposure to go more places. I travel almost every month. Until some people ask me, where do i work, what do i do that can allow me to travel so much. Not so much for me but for some who knows my condition will be very curious on how do i manage my kids and the travel arrangement esp on the budget.
I smile... and i am making the same question to me. How did i manage in between the tightness, why do i need to go, when is the best time, where should i go, who do i go with, what do i find at certain place. All this question has got pros and cons. Especially a person like me. Huge Q&A needs to be solved. Thank god i do manage so far. I have been compressing the urge, the needs of getting away from my nest when i was still married, when my kids are still small and now it all falls in just nice for me to have some breath out of my current place.
It doesnt have to be faraway, it doesnt have to be expensive, it has to be with the right person, right company, right purpose and right budget at current situation. How???? God always answer that for me as faith is always there with him whenever i had question and needs to fulfill. He is my best problem solver to any problem i have. HE is my best friend. As long as i believe HE will be there for me yes indeed HE proved me alright.
And that confirm everytime i plan my time to get away. HE take care of my family, my finance and also my wellbeing. THANK GOD FOR I HAVE YOU.
It goes along with the kind of music i love. It has to be with strong instrument rythm and tempo to make me liking certain song. Sax, piano and violin always leave me deep emotions when its played. I can drift my mind far and away.
I dont mind any song as long as it has strong elements of the instrument along. Yeah i can enjoy Gun N Roses, Beethoven, Pop Rock, Ballad, anything.
During younger years i like novels so much, n later more to family kind of stuff but now more on information that treasured along the depth of knowledge gathered. Fond of languages but no chance to learn except some chinese along the teens years.
Jettsetting my life now to something simple and easy has made me let loose lots of heaving things that used to be think and ponder. Perhaps it is because my kids are bit independence in doing most of the things they want and i gave them choice to do of course with guidance. I know its not easy to handle kids nowadays but if i hold them to tight i am scared they will find a way to get it done in another way.
Jetsetter lover??? Am i ??? Can i get a definition here or anywhere. Pls do anyone help me. Surely i cant do it when im attached. Now i began to wonder, is that a reason why i never think to get attached seriously to anyone even there is chance which come by.
Whenever someone is serious i become panic, whenever someone is ready I realize I have not. Would my partner let me explore the things i wanted to, would he let me go just anywhere i wanted to go, would he trust me that i am capable of doing it at my own pace the way i wanted it to be.
My dad thought me the sense of independency since i was small. Left alone without knowing nuts about certain things n i have to find out my own how to manage and solve it. At first i feel very bad, hurt and sad about it. I become temperamental, sulky and rebellious but then years after years of gathering the hard times, i began to earn the sweetness of being independent, being patience to find ways, being warm to ask, being friendly to be able to get help. And all those pays in giving me confidence in life to embark the difficulties
Nothing seems to be impossible if i give myself time to sit down and open my mind wider to Q&A, pro and cons to everything that needs to do. Sunshine would appear with a broad smile.
Well life is sweet. The more i find out about all this, the more i love myself and for those who would love to share life with me would you be able to have this passion along with me or let me venture it once awhile on my own. Would you not be jealous for the love i have for nature in a great way of exploring it??
I wish in 3 years time i would be able to find someone i could walk with to the beach n enjoy the sounds of current composing the melodious rhythm life drama, feel the breeze slapping my face as i scroll along the white sands, feel the earth opening the horizon to a great sunrise or sunset hand in hand reading what kind of music my heart playing while i envelope myself with the love of nature gives me.
Letting the nature to love me would give me great sense of joy to embark new life again and again.
In the love of my passion to travel, read and music, now i have more exposure to go more places. I travel almost every month. Until some people ask me, where do i work, what do i do that can allow me to travel so much. Not so much for me but for some who knows my condition will be very curious on how do i manage my kids and the travel arrangement esp on the budget.
I smile... and i am making the same question to me. How did i manage in between the tightness, why do i need to go, when is the best time, where should i go, who do i go with, what do i find at certain place. All this question has got pros and cons. Especially a person like me. Huge Q&A needs to be solved. Thank god i do manage so far. I have been compressing the urge, the needs of getting away from my nest when i was still married, when my kids are still small and now it all falls in just nice for me to have some breath out of my current place.
It doesnt have to be faraway, it doesnt have to be expensive, it has to be with the right person, right company, right purpose and right budget at current situation. How???? God always answer that for me as faith is always there with him whenever i had question and needs to fulfill. He is my best problem solver to any problem i have. HE is my best friend. As long as i believe HE will be there for me yes indeed HE proved me alright.
And that confirm everytime i plan my time to get away. HE take care of my family, my finance and also my wellbeing. THANK GOD FOR I HAVE YOU.
It goes along with the kind of music i love. It has to be with strong instrument rythm and tempo to make me liking certain song. Sax, piano and violin always leave me deep emotions when its played. I can drift my mind far and away.
I dont mind any song as long as it has strong elements of the instrument along. Yeah i can enjoy Gun N Roses, Beethoven, Pop Rock, Ballad, anything.
During younger years i like novels so much, n later more to family kind of stuff but now more on information that treasured along the depth of knowledge gathered. Fond of languages but no chance to learn except some chinese along the teens years.
Jettsetting my life now to something simple and easy has made me let loose lots of heaving things that used to be think and ponder. Perhaps it is because my kids are bit independence in doing most of the things they want and i gave them choice to do of course with guidance. I know its not easy to handle kids nowadays but if i hold them to tight i am scared they will find a way to get it done in another way.
Jetsetter lover??? Am i ??? Can i get a definition here or anywhere. Pls do anyone help me. Surely i cant do it when im attached. Now i began to wonder, is that a reason why i never think to get attached seriously to anyone even there is chance which come by.
Whenever someone is serious i become panic, whenever someone is ready I realize I have not. Would my partner let me explore the things i wanted to, would he let me go just anywhere i wanted to go, would he trust me that i am capable of doing it at my own pace the way i wanted it to be.
My dad thought me the sense of independency since i was small. Left alone without knowing nuts about certain things n i have to find out my own how to manage and solve it. At first i feel very bad, hurt and sad about it. I become temperamental, sulky and rebellious but then years after years of gathering the hard times, i began to earn the sweetness of being independent, being patience to find ways, being warm to ask, being friendly to be able to get help. And all those pays in giving me confidence in life to embark the difficulties
Nothing seems to be impossible if i give myself time to sit down and open my mind wider to Q&A, pro and cons to everything that needs to do. Sunshine would appear with a broad smile.
Well life is sweet. The more i find out about all this, the more i love myself and for those who would love to share life with me would you be able to have this passion along with me or let me venture it once awhile on my own. Would you not be jealous for the love i have for nature in a great way of exploring it??
I wish in 3 years time i would be able to find someone i could walk with to the beach n enjoy the sounds of current composing the melodious rhythm life drama, feel the breeze slapping my face as i scroll along the white sands, feel the earth opening the horizon to a great sunrise or sunset hand in hand reading what kind of music my heart playing while i envelope myself with the love of nature gives me.
Letting the nature to love me would give me great sense of joy to embark new life again and again.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
My hiatus moment
After holiday trip i rush myself to pack my bag again for my laproscopy and dd&c procedure in melaka. 3 nites i was alone by myself. Did a lot of thinking detaching myself n out side world. I learn about my surrounding n frens around me. Who are genuine, who are sincere, who claimed to be but not up to, who thinks they know but failed to be as expected. Am i expecting? I have long ago drop my passion to understand, to let go a feeling to love a man. But it came back recently. But it didnt come wholely like expected to be. Unsure of his feelings towards me sometime makes me reserve some for myself. He cant have the full trust and i cnt force him. I want it to come naturally within him. And when he ask me to go away for a while it makes me ask if you really need someone do you need to break loose or you nèed as longest string to let it go and when the elasticity goes the string will pull it back to you. I dnt have the answer, all i knw if it was meant for me it will be back safely unconditionally. And so with that i let it loose and unsure should i grow ìt, cherish, nourish, nuture it or let it perish. I let it be there lingering in my thoughts, mind and soul. Because it helps to keep me going. I have loving enough, i just want to be loved. If you cnt give it i wont force you. Yes i am very low now. Nothing seems to boost anything in me. You were around and used to contribute to my happiness but now i no longer do.
Let it be as i am a survivor, who will survive either with tears or laughter. I am going to take the challenge and invent the adventure of my life path. I forgive all... And i am praying everyone will succeed in their endeavour.
Saturday, September 05, 2009
A night in Semanggi
This time Jakarta was explored in different areas. Golden Boutique Melawai are where we stayed. Nice building structure as i could say of an old leftover colonial building and placed in a wrong area in Blok M surrounding. The place is packed an full of people. But it has added to my valuable experience. I took my fren to the very popular mid income to low income shoppers heaven in Mangga Dua and also Tanah Abang. This time nothing much was shopped as i was in tight budget.
I have have other personal experience in accomplishing a mission that was asked by a friend. An another experience is to traveo to Jakarta alone in a different airbus was totally new experience itself.
Thirdly i was seated to a young man who at first minding own bussines but at last writing his number at at my food buka puasa pack. Its just adding my travel experience of knowing people while we are in d air above the grounds. It just took a courage of a person to open a mouth to make friends.
I was taking a few rides to a different new places time but had not managed all. We spent lots of time in Taman Anggerik the big and high class shopping complex almost a day touring.
Nou much on shopping but inventing, exploring and experiencing. Perhaps the next round i will manouvere the experience of the night life as claimed by the new friend as heaven of food and entertainment. My curiousity build up in knowing what was it all about.
The whole new experience end up on the fourth day when this time i experienced the tensed of having mornin massive jam. I was almost give up, sulky and stressed but alhamdullillah god answer my silent prayer. I manage to board my plane but with lots of errors here and there. All in all it was a success and whole new experienced gathered. :-D:-*6th Sept 09
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Letting Go
Im going to let go some of the feelings for him.
I know i like him very much... i developed the love slowly within my passion, within the years knowing, within the unwanted feelings towards men.
i have pushed all the feelings and emotion far away. Although i am longing for being loved, pampered and cared for...
All for the reasons that i dont want to be hurt again. They wanted to love but they hate to commit, they wanted to care but they avoid to take responsible. For all that matters i take it they are not serious.
When i take someone hands to be hold, lips to be kissed, body to be embraced, i took it seriously with all my heart.
All i have is only pain when i know im able to love, to give, to affect but i cant expect anything in return and i let it go, far far away in the sky, across the border, the mountains, the clouds...
Take me away with you, blow the kiss all over and let them feel the love im blowing to all those who earn my affection...
I shall love myself more than anyone else...
I know i like him very much... i developed the love slowly within my passion, within the years knowing, within the unwanted feelings towards men.
i have pushed all the feelings and emotion far away. Although i am longing for being loved, pampered and cared for...
All for the reasons that i dont want to be hurt again. They wanted to love but they hate to commit, they wanted to care but they avoid to take responsible. For all that matters i take it they are not serious.
When i take someone hands to be hold, lips to be kissed, body to be embraced, i took it seriously with all my heart.
All i have is only pain when i know im able to love, to give, to affect but i cant expect anything in return and i let it go, far far away in the sky, across the border, the mountains, the clouds...
Take me away with you, blow the kiss all over and let them feel the love im blowing to all those who earn my affection...
I shall love myself more than anyone else...
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Secured Moment
I was called for the second interview for a challenging love scene. hahahaha NO it was not... it was more of conversation, communication and lots of action which desire no words... It was just felt and so many question and answers gathers.
I was happy, sad, angry and it was mixed upon through out the whole situation. I hand the write ups... I study the action, the reason, the story, analyse and i know its not going to be any sooner or later it is just about going with a flow.
The journey was beautiful with greens, scenery, discovery, long walks, deep thinking, relaxing mind and soul. Uncomparable with colourful Vietnam nor Medan. Its a soothing one, no rush, stress. Lots of smile painted... Yeah the colour was beautiful.
My heart was lighter this time after i came back. Yes i know i am hoping but nothing much bcos i know its not going to be a bed of roses anyway and with that i came home feeling so much enlighten.
Now my aim is to correct what have i not given myself so far. A chance, love, desire and destiny...I will try...
Dear god help me through. Although im wrong please walk with me thru ....
I was happy, sad, angry and it was mixed upon through out the whole situation. I hand the write ups... I study the action, the reason, the story, analyse and i know its not going to be any sooner or later it is just about going with a flow.
The journey was beautiful with greens, scenery, discovery, long walks, deep thinking, relaxing mind and soul. Uncomparable with colourful Vietnam nor Medan. Its a soothing one, no rush, stress. Lots of smile painted... Yeah the colour was beautiful.
My heart was lighter this time after i came back. Yes i know i am hoping but nothing much bcos i know its not going to be a bed of roses anyway and with that i came home feeling so much enlighten.
Now my aim is to correct what have i not given myself so far. A chance, love, desire and destiny...I will try...
Dear god help me through. Although im wrong please walk with me thru ....
Friday, July 24, 2009
Dulu Dan Sekarang
There he was back then, long ago in chat world. He was hard, not nice, talk nonsense, garang, but i know somehow there must be reason why he is so angry over women. Including me... since then i want to know why... keep on being his fren. Keep on chating, until i ask of his number one day. He refused me, i accept it and keep on catching him whenever i am online.
I ask again for his number and he gave me. I smile, and accepted it. We go on knowing each other virtually, thinking, talking arguing and one day i made my way to merlion city just to get away from my routine life, my heartache and i call him asking whether he is free next day as i am in his town.
Of course he dont believe me. Because i am known for talk for no action. The next morning i was waiting for unknown face whom i know as Mr Wonderful.
He came in his black outfit, "are you farmie"... i smile, he smile. We shake hand and his smile lingers. Im not sure what is in his mind. I am not sure what is he thinking. We walk through Clark Quay passing through poeple while talking. Its still morning, sun is just glowing shining above us. He is asking where do i want to go. Esplanade was first destination then we move to Mount Faber to catch the cable car to Sentosa Island.
Along all this journey only my mind n heart talking to each other while he tickles me in the cable car above the sea. He was nice after all, not as hard as i thought when we were usually in the cyber world of SMS. I like his sense of humour n no moment pass without anything to be talked about.
One stage pass.
Last month i came again looking specially for him to take me off from my ground to be somewhere i dont know. Just to lift my emotions, feelings and stress of me. The hesitation in the beginning fade off as soon as i see him smiling in the airport.
No, i wasnt making a wrong action i told myself. But i hold myself to the last day bidding my goodbye to him because i wasnt sure still of what i am coming for.
Second stage pass...
He confirmed my question afterall there is a man out there u can trust to be your fren, to listen to you without touching your heart or emotion. He prove me that one can love another unconditionally without expecting anything in return. He gets my credit for that.
That makes me want to come for next and yes afterall this years i have all my questions answered although not all. We talk and talk and talk like no end. We became silent when the wee hours come. Usually he was earliest who wake up n observe me sleeping. He is the strange man who always happen to peep in my dreams. Only that its faceless in dreams but this is reality.
I found someone similar to lingering eyes before but then he then fade off due to many things lacking in me. I took so long to bcome confidence and secure for a man. He gave up. And here i am confiding in myself again that patience will always lead you somewhere.
I love the way he talk, he look at me, the way he touch, the way he narrates what will be seen in his visual preparation to white screen. He can talk n talk n talk i let him till i drift in my sleep. I hope and perhaps and it stays forever. Im not going to say otherwise. No more. I want this to stay for a very long time as long as he needs me and yes i need him too.
He facinates me with his dreams and goals. Theres a lot of things that connect my soul without him knowing. I dont have to tell all, i am not willing to for now. I am taking the patches one by one n put it at the right place. Slowly one at the time so that it wont break up anymore. I just want him to hold me together.
I am not going to refused but to accept, to love, to nourish, cheerish... I love what i have now. Im willing to share now. I want it stay in my mind, soul and heart. God please bless me again this time with him around me...
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Securing ME
Hi darling,
I have questions pertaining to my last visit. First of all how are you doing...
I hate to disturb but my hand is itchy and my mind cant stop asking questions... can i ask..
I might as well do since i have started.. by now i know u may be smiling or already saying "bodoh dah tanya, tanya je lah"
betul tak???
See its difficult when you can read ppls mind, its bothering me all the while. But its only with ppl whom i allow my mind to connect with only yeah!!!
So darling,
I have not known the outcome of the last interview with the beast...
1) Whether i pass to be the beauty for the beast?
2) Did i let the beast freezing till sunshine?
3) Is he happy with the whole entire interview session?
4) Does she miss anything in particular that beast need in making him more hungry and thirsty? OR
5) She failed in finding the heart is not made of stone finally?
In order to be shorlisted, the slave need to know what next to equip the beauty for her preparation should she is shorlisted for a second interview.
On the other hand ...
In the wildnerness of my desire i think of you who came so gentle and passionate. It never triggers me out there exist such man.
I was only consume those in my dream, imagination before i goes to sleep ... some one would come home after his hard long days looking for his beauty to perk his day insisting to listen to his long days blabbers and so on...and at the end of it he will tease me which ends to long and passionate lovemaking...
Quietly in my own peaceful time nearly an hour sitting there alone in the airport collecting all the memories since day one i was there in SG back in 2006 while i was in the bus looking at the trees the entire journey home by bus thinking of you ...
How have u spoiled me. pamper me, made me laugh, anything that i need except for the moon n the stars...
what have i find out so far in a man, in building trust and relationship where i believe no man will give something without asking anything in return. But the more unconditional love u gave the more of me wanting to know how would that could possibly achieved...
In my difficulties trusting man around me, you have secured my confidence but passing one to another test that i produce without you knowing it...
Trust me that i yearn for the touch although im not sure what is in my mind n heart when i came last month. I just need u to prove u are the same like the rest of them in the universe but u failed me... and the comeback is just to make sure u are a man and a gentleman just like i wanted it to be...
You may ignore all those above bcos i am not just saying this to make u feel good but i write from my heart... the bondage of soul that i created in my life to be connected to a person so far away is isnt easy...
Although the consequences are huge but its the adventure that i take in order for me to please the real ME in her search of her soul partner...
Soul doesnt have to be marry off... soul is just to be connected... just continue to love and it will come back to u if its meant for you... thats what i believe so far...
We talked so much dont we... i can still feel the warmth of ur body, the smell, the lazy hands on my body, its all captured in my mind n soul... its hard to erase... but again when u found someone right, someone better, please do tell me so that i will disconnected the bondage of ur soul to me, so that u can concentrate on the love u having, so that u wont have to think of me while u making love to her. Please promise me...
Just let me love you the way you are... just let me feel the love you have for me... time for me to express what i have not done the entire of my life ...
Just let me call you sayang, yes it comes directly from my heart n no one have earned that special place just as yet...
dont ask me why you, dont ask me why now, dont ask me where do i begin, i hold the whole answer of getting to know you, love you and what i want from you... you have said it ut loud, you have already given me the answer, but all in all im am going to let god to decide for me and at the same time let me just feel being loved by someone i want to be... with or without getting it back from you, i have already feel what i wanted, and achieved my dreams in true life even for a little while...
I still need and answer of the 5 questions... if you dnt respons to this then i know the answer is NO and i am not worth to get your love the way u said it... im not trying to make anything worst but at this point of time i wanna take the opportunity to feel free to express even if i cant get it right...
Darling no pressure, its just the way of telling.
I have never had things comes my way, NEVER... so do you right?
I heard u that nite... i turn around to hide my tears when u ask whether i am giggling... there is reason why god never grant us the love we want earlier bcos he wants us to experience more bfore the give the best... thats what i believe...
No matter how many times man come to my life n try to make it out and they never find way to knock the door, and never wanted to try again till i give up.. yes there is but then its about testing the warmth of the water i guess... Once they know the took the liberty to walk away....
I would not wait till one day u tell me "this is the last day we are going to meet. It is because i have found someone" once he said... yes i took so long... as long as i took to come back to u last month as i am a slow pacer, a slow observer and take long time to build feelings and confidence.. but u are still there along the way and i dont want to miss again of saying do i deserve a place in your heart to be loved???
You would be in silence for you long if you choose to ignore or confused of what you in your mind and heart... i'll understand!! its not easy... in search of your aim in securing SECURED LIFE you will forget some little thing you shouldnt missed... and behind a success of a man there will always be a woman... its in your hand... im sure behind your mom there is your dad and behind your dad there is your mom, no matter how they fight, they are still there with the love that bond them for the past 42 or 43 years already...
dont ask me how did i get all this just like you, we need time to meditate few hourss just to answer some question of our hearts that usually ppl failed to do..
im done dear..
with question of my heart, question to my conquest where are the love...
it is indeed in oneself and it was never heard but the others... and i believe when you love tricia you gain one you loose one thing rite... you managed to give as much but failed to get some and at the end you part your ways n frusturated with question why didnt i do so....
i have taken my chance... i leave my question here... should it come back then god has answered my prayer... should it stays here then it stays with you and it means you dont wish to share it at all
yes i am hesitating to send this, why??
should i loose you forever for asking at least i have already said it, expressed it , you managed to feel the real love which come together in the intimacy. waking up a woman desire, n shut it up again is solely is your hand... you have taste it, feel it, wanting it, envelope it in the warmth of emotions and feelings.. otherwise all those wont be happening if only one is tangoing...
If i loose you in real, i have already taste you, loved you and feel you.. its really up to you...
SECURING LIFE financially is important but securing love for life also are part of making life beautiful and happy...
life is a choice darling...
No matter what your answer is, i will still love you in my own way... will still be there quietly waiting for the sun and moon to bring me the light again in my life....
Dedicated to he is the wonderful
I have questions pertaining to my last visit. First of all how are you doing...
I hate to disturb but my hand is itchy and my mind cant stop asking questions... can i ask..
I might as well do since i have started.. by now i know u may be smiling or already saying "bodoh dah tanya, tanya je lah"
betul tak???
See its difficult when you can read ppls mind, its bothering me all the while. But its only with ppl whom i allow my mind to connect with only yeah!!!
So darling,
I have not known the outcome of the last interview with the beast...
1) Whether i pass to be the beauty for the beast?
2) Did i let the beast freezing till sunshine?
3) Is he happy with the whole entire interview session?
4) Does she miss anything in particular that beast need in making him more hungry and thirsty? OR
5) She failed in finding the heart is not made of stone finally?
In order to be shorlisted, the slave need to know what next to equip the beauty for her preparation should she is shorlisted for a second interview.
On the other hand ...
In the wildnerness of my desire i think of you who came so gentle and passionate. It never triggers me out there exist such man.
I was only consume those in my dream, imagination before i goes to sleep ... some one would come home after his hard long days looking for his beauty to perk his day insisting to listen to his long days blabbers and so on...and at the end of it he will tease me which ends to long and passionate lovemaking...
Quietly in my own peaceful time nearly an hour sitting there alone in the airport collecting all the memories since day one i was there in SG back in 2006 while i was in the bus looking at the trees the entire journey home by bus thinking of you ...
How have u spoiled me. pamper me, made me laugh, anything that i need except for the moon n the stars...
what have i find out so far in a man, in building trust and relationship where i believe no man will give something without asking anything in return. But the more unconditional love u gave the more of me wanting to know how would that could possibly achieved...
In my difficulties trusting man around me, you have secured my confidence but passing one to another test that i produce without you knowing it...
Trust me that i yearn for the touch although im not sure what is in my mind n heart when i came last month. I just need u to prove u are the same like the rest of them in the universe but u failed me... and the comeback is just to make sure u are a man and a gentleman just like i wanted it to be...
You may ignore all those above bcos i am not just saying this to make u feel good but i write from my heart... the bondage of soul that i created in my life to be connected to a person so far away is isnt easy...
Although the consequences are huge but its the adventure that i take in order for me to please the real ME in her search of her soul partner...
Soul doesnt have to be marry off... soul is just to be connected... just continue to love and it will come back to u if its meant for you... thats what i believe so far...
We talked so much dont we... i can still feel the warmth of ur body, the smell, the lazy hands on my body, its all captured in my mind n soul... its hard to erase... but again when u found someone right, someone better, please do tell me so that i will disconnected the bondage of ur soul to me, so that u can concentrate on the love u having, so that u wont have to think of me while u making love to her. Please promise me...
Just let me love you the way you are... just let me feel the love you have for me... time for me to express what i have not done the entire of my life ...
Just let me call you sayang, yes it comes directly from my heart n no one have earned that special place just as yet...
dont ask me why you, dont ask me why now, dont ask me where do i begin, i hold the whole answer of getting to know you, love you and what i want from you... you have said it ut loud, you have already given me the answer, but all in all im am going to let god to decide for me and at the same time let me just feel being loved by someone i want to be... with or without getting it back from you, i have already feel what i wanted, and achieved my dreams in true life even for a little while...
I still need and answer of the 5 questions... if you dnt respons to this then i know the answer is NO and i am not worth to get your love the way u said it... im not trying to make anything worst but at this point of time i wanna take the opportunity to feel free to express even if i cant get it right...
Darling no pressure, its just the way of telling.
I have never had things comes my way, NEVER... so do you right?
I heard u that nite... i turn around to hide my tears when u ask whether i am giggling... there is reason why god never grant us the love we want earlier bcos he wants us to experience more bfore the give the best... thats what i believe...
No matter how many times man come to my life n try to make it out and they never find way to knock the door, and never wanted to try again till i give up.. yes there is but then its about testing the warmth of the water i guess... Once they know the took the liberty to walk away....
I would not wait till one day u tell me "this is the last day we are going to meet. It is because i have found someone" once he said... yes i took so long... as long as i took to come back to u last month as i am a slow pacer, a slow observer and take long time to build feelings and confidence.. but u are still there along the way and i dont want to miss again of saying do i deserve a place in your heart to be loved???
You would be in silence for you long if you choose to ignore or confused of what you in your mind and heart... i'll understand!! its not easy... in search of your aim in securing SECURED LIFE you will forget some little thing you shouldnt missed... and behind a success of a man there will always be a woman... its in your hand... im sure behind your mom there is your dad and behind your dad there is your mom, no matter how they fight, they are still there with the love that bond them for the past 42 or 43 years already...
dont ask me how did i get all this just like you, we need time to meditate few hourss just to answer some question of our hearts that usually ppl failed to do..
im done dear..
with question of my heart, question to my conquest where are the love...
it is indeed in oneself and it was never heard but the others... and i believe when you love tricia you gain one you loose one thing rite... you managed to give as much but failed to get some and at the end you part your ways n frusturated with question why didnt i do so....
i have taken my chance... i leave my question here... should it come back then god has answered my prayer... should it stays here then it stays with you and it means you dont wish to share it at all
yes i am hesitating to send this, why??
should i loose you forever for asking at least i have already said it, expressed it , you managed to feel the real love which come together in the intimacy. waking up a woman desire, n shut it up again is solely is your hand... you have taste it, feel it, wanting it, envelope it in the warmth of emotions and feelings.. otherwise all those wont be happening if only one is tangoing...
If i loose you in real, i have already taste you, loved you and feel you.. its really up to you...
SECURING LIFE financially is important but securing love for life also are part of making life beautiful and happy...
life is a choice darling...
No matter what your answer is, i will still love you in my own way... will still be there quietly waiting for the sun and moon to bring me the light again in my life....
Dedicated to he is the wonderful
Black is a Colour???
Now i began to understand why Rome need me in her life despite the colourful surroundings she has from her workplace, friendship, networking, acquaintance etc.
By looking at the monotonous black which brings own desire, interest and attractions they still need colourful features to add the taste sense of longing and wanting needs.
Translating this into pieces without thinking into it could not be fun. Now i am able to transform all the colours into pieces and making it easy to read.
Complicate, complement to complete i conclude it!
By looking at the monotonous black which brings own desire, interest and attractions they still need colourful features to add the taste sense of longing and wanting needs.
Translating this into pieces without thinking into it could not be fun. Now i am able to transform all the colours into pieces and making it easy to read.
Complicate, complement to complete i conclude it!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Kenangan Terindah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yrv2D4htoro
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4S3k8RYzwpg
A slow patcher like me who build the trust and relations slow and found someone who matches one the dreams is really like am i still in a dream??? Is this real?? Is this happening???
I am missing my days of being a woman again, to be loved, to be pampered, to be seduced, to be desired...
I tried once, i tried twice, i tried and tried.... giving up soon...may be when this will never give me an answer.
Definitely i am shutting it!!
Thursday, July 02, 2009
ME
No matter how much i was hurt, i am still standing tall for the reason of tomorrow. No matter how much i tried and get tired but it never worn me out from being the ME. No matter how much you want to find ME u would not be because all the colours in ME represents lots of thing that is interpretable.
Currently the pain which enveloping me was throw out somehow but it keep coming again without me wanting it to return.
Chances is what i gave to people and people take it for granted.
Hurt me, make me sad, it will only making me HARDER, TOUGHER, try me then!!!
Currently the pain which enveloping me was throw out somehow but it keep coming again without me wanting it to return.
Chances is what i gave to people and people take it for granted.
Hurt me, make me sad, it will only making me HARDER, TOUGHER, try me then!!!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Complicate, Complement and Complete
Indeed what I am thru now is difficult but if I don't so it I will not have the answer why it should be that way.
At the same time on changing lane , I am trying the whole new experience of being in a junction. As much as I know I don't answer to any of them as they can’t make their own decision. Why should i???
In order to get an answer I have to drift into another path which leads me to honesty, sincerity and a gentleman. Yes, he cant fulfill, yes he wants me but its better to tell me rather to give me a hope in which he can’t grant it.
Yes, perhaps being in denial always make us make a wrong choice. We take the flow but alerting each other that direction was not a destination to where we suppose to be. We in short enjoying the companion but hate to accept whats next.
I am not going to loose another friend again. I will be putting the feelings aside not wanting to loose what I have experienced once before. Even this time without a second or third party.
In short I will be separating my mental needs and my feeling to total separation of needing a best companion for a very very long time. I know I complicate to complement in order to complete the imperfections of life needs.
No one will dictate what you want in life except you. So life is always about a choice in order to achieve your own destinations.
28th June 2009
1.11am
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Melody of Life Drama
I feel lost and numb ever since it hit me. I never want to do this but at force I am taking an action of what I wanted. Now I have a junction of what some people love and hate. I am taking a risk, yes, undeniably.
If once I had just refused myself but then now I am not willing to. Perhaps, I will fall, perhaps I will get the peace of mind, or perhaps I will be left alone again.
But then I have the chance, the opportunity to be love, desired and crave for. Was it wrong? I don’t want to think about it.
Triangle love?? No, it was not. Its many and I keep it flowing. How do I manage it? I don’t know. Let it be as it is. I am not going to rush anyone but if they take the bait and act on it that will be a bonus.
From what I see it wont be in the near future. It may take years again. But then I am the one who initiate it, the consequences will be mine then.
I cant see how frustrated one can be when sheltered are shared but they are like not knowing each other, not addressing each other neither being appreciated. Somehow the fierce me had made him talked and shared what had happened.
Finally the hearts are not made of stone. Time will tell and time will tame the symphony according to the melody of life drama.
Would I be getting what I want? Answers that could only be answered by me…
16th June 2009
12.09
Aku dan Dirimu
Biar entah berapa ratus kali lagu ini kumainkan, masih tidak kujemu. Dengan melodi, tempo, senikatanya yang indah. Ia menggAmit perasaan yang halus mengundang cinta sayang ku semula. Apa yang ku inginkan, ku perlukan, ku dambakan semuanya ada didalam lagu ini.
I cant let go the memoir of Singapore. Three years back and now it came fresh exactly and better than yesterday. I am craving for the moment of passion, the touch and yet respected for the love and honour I had stand for.
I know I cant have him but I’m going to try otherwise I will not taste what I want all this while. The difference that we had was great. In silent I admire the quality, the passion of his work that may not be found in others.
How did I trace that out? The slow pacer like me will observe and experience the moment of truth, gracefully, slowly testing the temperature, the urge, the needs that one can’t deny. I know upon that there is so many consequences will be faced. But I am not scared to loose nor to face further as in getting continuation of the truth.
With that I know who is really sincere, who is really taking advantage and who take it at the face value. People come and ago without looking back and some does which of course apologize with own reason. And of course everyone deserve a second chance and yes, granted for a period.
Was I too lenient or I am a fool. I let nature takes it call. So that I wont be jumping or racing against the time. Let it flow as it goes. I just have to taste it, experience it and let HIM take the leads.
June 15, 2009
1156pm
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Mr Wonderful
Love and passion left hundreds miles apart in Sentosa Island.
I am far away drifting from reality again. Here throwing my vision above the horizon that reach nowhere as far as my eyes can reach.
With my heavy hearts and emotions…
I am still experiencing the feeling above the grounds overlooking blue sea and beautiful scene ever in my life. Here besides me a creature tickling me thinking I would be scared of the height where we were.
I do of course scared but im not sure its him I’m not scared of too…
He appeared to be so nice. Splashing me with the attention, escorting me to a place I’ve always dreams to be.
The sound of waves following the current to the beach, with the breeze slapping my face, the sounds of birds running around, kids yelling happily building sand castle.
I hardly know him but he took the pleasure every destination I’ve mentioned without hesitating that I may not like it. He listen to my heart or so called needs in silent
It was a long ride on the air and long walk from the garden to the beach, exploring the ride of 3D cinema and lots of thing I can’t remember all…
The only thing I can remember was when we sit down by the beach staring far away letting our mind to drift into an illusion that I’ve never dreamed off.
Was it true enough I am with someone that I hardly know. And he is treating me like a queen to what ever I ever wished in my text message.
He oblige to everything I want. Every single thing I mentioned. I don’t know how I get the courage to trust someone. I never knew and infact proved me there is someone I can trust afterall…
After 3 years, my revisit was truly a surprise. I was so enthralled by everything I received… Even when I am so cruel to be kind to myself and he is still there loyally at the side with a barrier to go near me freezing in the midst of night. And yet he is still holding the respect for a woman whom he wanted so much to touch. Deep inside I was cringing for the touch, the love, all of the feelings he has for me.
I wasn’t sure because I know in every man lies a dreams of his own. As I am not young, with big responsibilities, I bet people wouldn’t dare to ask me in the hands of marriage but maybe only to steal the moment of reality.
I was only dreaming, assuming, and imagining that dreams were the only thing I have for the rest of my life.
I become so cold, I avoid my eyes looking into what I perfectly want in my entire life. I longed for the touch but nope throughout the whole situation he held his hand, desired and craved only to himself although I know there is nothing holding us in between.
Finally I know, I can trust someone opposite for the respect of who I am…
Until today I can’t help to remember how his sad face letting me go off the boarding exit…
Without me knowing my tears runs weeping slowly as I type him the thank you message. It wasn’t for the money, the love nor the exclusivity he gave but for the respect he has for me as a valuable present in my life. I was never feel so honoured in my life before as he has paint the colour so beautifully in my heart…
And this time around I was suppose to visit the Esplanade, the Flyer, the mountain again and few others was not materialize merely because I was not fit to have it all.
Now I am back to reality, normality and my routines of where I belongs. But the colour painted will stay as long as he still accepts me as what he wants to make me. Knowing I cant ask for much in life I would just be thankful of what given.
HE has never stopped testing me. Not yesterday, not today and I’m sure not even tomorrow.
I know someday, some one will write or show on white canvas or screen what is painted in my heart for being an honored woman of yesterday because he has made me one. He opened my eyes and soul that in this entire universe if I cant trust someone near, there is someone out there proved me that a gentleman do exist.
Dear……
I thank you for the journey you have shared yesterday. Today I am tracking the routine of normalities again with responsibilities on my shoulder and keeping my eyes wide open and hope tomorrow will always comes with beautiful of choice that we can choose.
Perhaps if I’d ever made you feel sad, or sorry to hear about my life story, or anything, even the making you froze at night please do accept my apology.
I am a human who still have desire and that abnormality would make your dreams shattered if you ever shared it with me. And because of that its better I don’t turn around to face you and race with the consequences of emotions later
I have 4 more creatures to be divided with one love should I decide to love someone again. Would any man shared that? I failed to think about it.
What is painted in my eyes now was the sad look letting me go while I am walking straight ahead without even wanted to look back of I know if I do, I wont be going home that night.
I wanted badly to love myself and that was the reason I take my bid off from my normalities for a while just to please myself and I was caught by sudden emotion for someone I adore in silent.
Anyhow, yesterday past and today had affected me so much. What more in him. I can still hear he said “if only we know each other before”. You know it wont change our fate. I hear that many times if it is not only you. The only thing I want to remember is “it’s because I love you”. It keep on repeating in my ears and heart and send me the many colours.
I have so much to share but I have so little space to think of. If I give a space here another would be empty, may be I’m wrong but yes I think too much of what I shouldn’t be.
I shouldn’t distract any of his attention anymore to his dream and future. I will be passing by in silent with an assurance my love for him will be felt whenever he inhaled the breath of life and I am not going to run for my life anymore knowing I have already expressed what I already need to.
As much as you loved me that will be at my expensed to keep and buried it inside me. I have feel it, taste it and I have to go on even without it. It won’t change me anymore as I would love the way it is in my silentness again…
All I know it grows and blooms like the sunshine which always peep my window every morning. The door is always open when my eyes meets you. As far as we are apart it is close until the next visit….
I am far away drifting from reality again. Here throwing my vision above the horizon that reach nowhere as far as my eyes can reach.
With my heavy hearts and emotions…
I am still experiencing the feeling above the grounds overlooking blue sea and beautiful scene ever in my life. Here besides me a creature tickling me thinking I would be scared of the height where we were.
I do of course scared but im not sure its him I’m not scared of too…
He appeared to be so nice. Splashing me with the attention, escorting me to a place I’ve always dreams to be.
The sound of waves following the current to the beach, with the breeze slapping my face, the sounds of birds running around, kids yelling happily building sand castle.
I hardly know him but he took the pleasure every destination I’ve mentioned without hesitating that I may not like it. He listen to my heart or so called needs in silent
It was a long ride on the air and long walk from the garden to the beach, exploring the ride of 3D cinema and lots of thing I can’t remember all…
The only thing I can remember was when we sit down by the beach staring far away letting our mind to drift into an illusion that I’ve never dreamed off.
Was it true enough I am with someone that I hardly know. And he is treating me like a queen to what ever I ever wished in my text message.
He oblige to everything I want. Every single thing I mentioned. I don’t know how I get the courage to trust someone. I never knew and infact proved me there is someone I can trust afterall…
After 3 years, my revisit was truly a surprise. I was so enthralled by everything I received… Even when I am so cruel to be kind to myself and he is still there loyally at the side with a barrier to go near me freezing in the midst of night. And yet he is still holding the respect for a woman whom he wanted so much to touch. Deep inside I was cringing for the touch, the love, all of the feelings he has for me.
I wasn’t sure because I know in every man lies a dreams of his own. As I am not young, with big responsibilities, I bet people wouldn’t dare to ask me in the hands of marriage but maybe only to steal the moment of reality.
I was only dreaming, assuming, and imagining that dreams were the only thing I have for the rest of my life.
I become so cold, I avoid my eyes looking into what I perfectly want in my entire life. I longed for the touch but nope throughout the whole situation he held his hand, desired and craved only to himself although I know there is nothing holding us in between.
Finally I know, I can trust someone opposite for the respect of who I am…
Until today I can’t help to remember how his sad face letting me go off the boarding exit…
Without me knowing my tears runs weeping slowly as I type him the thank you message. It wasn’t for the money, the love nor the exclusivity he gave but for the respect he has for me as a valuable present in my life. I was never feel so honoured in my life before as he has paint the colour so beautifully in my heart…
And this time around I was suppose to visit the Esplanade, the Flyer, the mountain again and few others was not materialize merely because I was not fit to have it all.
Now I am back to reality, normality and my routines of where I belongs. But the colour painted will stay as long as he still accepts me as what he wants to make me. Knowing I cant ask for much in life I would just be thankful of what given.
HE has never stopped testing me. Not yesterday, not today and I’m sure not even tomorrow.
I know someday, some one will write or show on white canvas or screen what is painted in my heart for being an honored woman of yesterday because he has made me one. He opened my eyes and soul that in this entire universe if I cant trust someone near, there is someone out there proved me that a gentleman do exist.
Dear……
I thank you for the journey you have shared yesterday. Today I am tracking the routine of normalities again with responsibilities on my shoulder and keeping my eyes wide open and hope tomorrow will always comes with beautiful of choice that we can choose.
Perhaps if I’d ever made you feel sad, or sorry to hear about my life story, or anything, even the making you froze at night please do accept my apology.
I am a human who still have desire and that abnormality would make your dreams shattered if you ever shared it with me. And because of that its better I don’t turn around to face you and race with the consequences of emotions later
I have 4 more creatures to be divided with one love should I decide to love someone again. Would any man shared that? I failed to think about it.
What is painted in my eyes now was the sad look letting me go while I am walking straight ahead without even wanted to look back of I know if I do, I wont be going home that night.
I wanted badly to love myself and that was the reason I take my bid off from my normalities for a while just to please myself and I was caught by sudden emotion for someone I adore in silent.
Anyhow, yesterday past and today had affected me so much. What more in him. I can still hear he said “if only we know each other before”. You know it wont change our fate. I hear that many times if it is not only you. The only thing I want to remember is “it’s because I love you”. It keep on repeating in my ears and heart and send me the many colours.
I have so much to share but I have so little space to think of. If I give a space here another would be empty, may be I’m wrong but yes I think too much of what I shouldn’t be.
I shouldn’t distract any of his attention anymore to his dream and future. I will be passing by in silent with an assurance my love for him will be felt whenever he inhaled the breath of life and I am not going to run for my life anymore knowing I have already expressed what I already need to.
As much as you loved me that will be at my expensed to keep and buried it inside me. I have feel it, taste it and I have to go on even without it. It won’t change me anymore as I would love the way it is in my silentness again…
All I know it grows and blooms like the sunshine which always peep my window every morning. The door is always open when my eyes meets you. As far as we are apart it is close until the next visit….
Beauty and Beast Talk
Beast need Beauty. Do you want to be the Beauty to be ravage by the beast?
if you allow the old maid to serve him she would love to try.
You must come for an interview 17th - 19th then!
if you allow the old maid to serve him she would love to try.
You must come for an interview 17th - 19th then!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Trust and Faith....
Something to ponder my mind around... People and their attitude & behaviour are not the same... This to remind me always that every creature has their own beauty created by HIM...
Dear ______,
I am touched with ... ur... message, actually i feel down at the moment , to be frank its been a year now, but i am keeping my sadness within myself. I try to divert things away from my life and feelings. At times i blame my husband , at times i wish i never whats happening around. Cos i remember my friend told me, wht u dont know will not hurt u. But when u found out about certain things, it hurts like hell, cuts u and leave u bleeding. Heart broken into pieces.
U know i never really had a friend i can really call best friend , be it in real or at work place. I keep most things to myself, cos i dare not trust anyone.
Sometime along the way i found a few friends whom i liked , though they had their bad points , but hey thats what friends are for, accept their good and bad points, no one is perfect but one day, this person called a friend was hurting u and my family.
Had lots of problem in marriage till i hated to see my hubby, never felt that hate b4 so much, to the extend i wanted him out of the house. Shouts quarrel is a daily routine and he seem to drift far from me.
Until my hub consulted a guy who could see things what u call that , ermm kind of like dukun,, it seemed that,, we had been put in a spell. This person whom i thought was my friend , whom i confided in, for my problems was the one who did this to me. She wanted to see me suffer, jeolousy is the reason .
I couldnt take it, nor belive it, until i went to see the man himself. Until now i couldnt bare to see her face or be close to anyone. I stay away from ppl or relatives. I didnt talk to her ever since, i couldnt !! I tried to be nice to her again but my heart couldnt bare to be hurt again and pretend nothing happened.
No body knows why i avoided her. Why i am not talking to her even though i am in the same room as her. Each time i see her, my heart hurts again. She has taken away my peace. I dont blame her but myself. i told myself that i would never trust any one ever again.
I know i need to regain back my feelings , my honour, my peace and my strength, i wont let her take away all that . What ever spell she wants to put on me, god is there to guide me and i can be strong.
I keep reminding myself so thats why i am online reading blogs , taking examples, collecting courage from readers , thinking if they can make it,, i can too.
Thank you _____, for offering ....ur.... time for me . A _______whom u dont really know. Some how i am telling u this , cos i need to get things out of my chest. Time will heal the hurt , the pain, but it will never be forgotten for the wound will leave a scar.
Dear ______,
I am touched with ... ur... message, actually i feel down at the moment , to be frank its been a year now, but i am keeping my sadness within myself. I try to divert things away from my life and feelings. At times i blame my husband , at times i wish i never whats happening around. Cos i remember my friend told me, wht u dont know will not hurt u. But when u found out about certain things, it hurts like hell, cuts u and leave u bleeding. Heart broken into pieces.
U know i never really had a friend i can really call best friend , be it in real or at work place. I keep most things to myself, cos i dare not trust anyone.
Sometime along the way i found a few friends whom i liked , though they had their bad points , but hey thats what friends are for, accept their good and bad points, no one is perfect but one day, this person called a friend was hurting u and my family.
Had lots of problem in marriage till i hated to see my hubby, never felt that hate b4 so much, to the extend i wanted him out of the house. Shouts quarrel is a daily routine and he seem to drift far from me.
Until my hub consulted a guy who could see things what u call that , ermm kind of like dukun,, it seemed that,, we had been put in a spell. This person whom i thought was my friend , whom i confided in, for my problems was the one who did this to me. She wanted to see me suffer, jeolousy is the reason .
I couldnt take it, nor belive it, until i went to see the man himself. Until now i couldnt bare to see her face or be close to anyone. I stay away from ppl or relatives. I didnt talk to her ever since, i couldnt !! I tried to be nice to her again but my heart couldnt bare to be hurt again and pretend nothing happened.
No body knows why i avoided her. Why i am not talking to her even though i am in the same room as her. Each time i see her, my heart hurts again. She has taken away my peace. I dont blame her but myself. i told myself that i would never trust any one ever again.
I know i need to regain back my feelings , my honour, my peace and my strength, i wont let her take away all that . What ever spell she wants to put on me, god is there to guide me and i can be strong.
I keep reminding myself so thats why i am online reading blogs , taking examples, collecting courage from readers , thinking if they can make it,, i can too.
Thank you _____, for offering ....ur.... time for me . A _______whom u dont really know. Some how i am telling u this , cos i need to get things out of my chest. Time will heal the hurt , the pain, but it will never be forgotten for the wound will leave a scar.
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