After holiday trip i rush myself to pack my bag again for my laproscopy and dd&c procedure in melaka. 3 nites i was alone by myself. Did a lot of thinking detaching myself n out side world. I learn about my surrounding n frens around me. Who are genuine, who are sincere, who claimed to be but not up to, who thinks they know but failed to be as expected. Am i expecting? I have long ago drop my passion to understand, to let go a feeling to love a man. But it came back recently. But it didnt come wholely like expected to be. Unsure of his feelings towards me sometime makes me reserve some for myself. He cant have the full trust and i cnt force him. I want it to come naturally within him. And when he ask me to go away for a while it makes me ask if you really need someone do you need to break loose or you nèed as longest string to let it go and when the elasticity goes the string will pull it back to you. I dnt have the answer, all i knw if it was meant for me it will be back safely unconditionally. And so with that i let it loose and unsure should i grow ìt, cherish, nourish, nuture it or let it perish. I let it be there lingering in my thoughts, mind and soul. Because it helps to keep me going. I have loving enough, i just want to be loved. If you cnt give it i wont force you. Yes i am very low now. Nothing seems to boost anything in me. You were around and used to contribute to my happiness but now i no longer do.
Let it be as i am a survivor, who will survive either with tears or laughter. I am going to take the challenge and invent the adventure of my life path. I forgive all... And i am praying everyone will succeed in their endeavour.
Everyone has its on trait. Weakness n strength
This time Jakarta was explored in different areas. Golden Boutique Melawai are where we stayed. Nice building structure as i could say of an old leftover colonial building and placed in a wrong area in Blok M surrounding. The place is packed an full of people. But it has added to my valuable experience. I took my fren to the very popular mid income to low income shoppers heaven in Mangga Dua and also Tanah Abang. This time nothing much was shopped as i was in tight budget.
I have have other personal experience in accomplishing a mission that was asked by a friend. An another experience is to traveo to Jakarta alone in a different airbus was totally new experience itself.
Thirdly i was seated to a young man who at first minding own bussines but at last writing his number at at my food buka puasa pack. Its just adding my travel experience of knowing people while we are in d air above the grounds. It just took a courage of a person to open a mouth to make friends.
I was taking a few rides to a different new places time but had not managed all. We spent lots of time in Taman Anggerik the big and high class shopping complex almost a day touring.
Nou much on shopping but inventing, exploring and experiencing. Perhaps the next round i will manouvere the experience of the night life as claimed by the new friend as heaven of food and entertainment. My curiousity build up in knowing what was it all about.
The whole new experience end up on the fourth day when this time i experienced the tensed of having mornin massive jam. I was almost give up, sulky and stressed but alhamdullillah god answer my silent prayer. I manage to board my plane but with lots of errors here and there. All in all it was a success and whole new experienced gathered. :-D:-*6th Sept 09
