Moods

Im in a very critical mode. Fragile, vulnerable, temperamental!!!!!!!!!!. Im having hard time with myself, relations and career.

But Im still holdin to my faith and patience is my key. Deep breathing helps me a lot. But im scared i could loose my temper like and explosive volcano.

I am for who I am

Mostly people that I know or even admirers, stalkers usually look for me for the appeal that I have. They always associates me with sex, imagination, wild fantasies and ideas.

Raunchy, wild, agressive, are so opposite of me. Farmgirl always associated with that tag on. How does that comes to mind, im not sure.

All those are an immediate turn off to befriend with them. To me they are not sincere. They are there for me for a mission.

Sometime i wonder whats wrong with the way i dressed up. I know somehow i have all the features that all woman wants. Not that i dont like it but sometime i thinks its too bold on me where it fall perfectly in place . I thank HIM for all that i have.

For the personality i have, I dont have to wait for long to make friends. Pushing away my shyness once upon a time developed in me and transformed myself into a whole new person. One question will lead to another and a smile will turn to laughter. Was that wrong?.

Insecure? I do feel it sometimes. For it will make me feel i will be in trouble at anytime. But then it has helps me a lot by changing to be a friendly person and getting helps and also associates immediately and fast. I have many acquiantance, friends, family become closer and it warmth the situation all the time.

It doesnt fit to many people around. Especially on women itself. I care less about the details talks about people. I hate places which is so doomed and gloomy, slow, hazy and etc. I like fast, bubbly, colourful and wonderful.

Was I wrong in changing to be a whole new person with an image and personality liked by mostly male encounters only?


*sigh.......*
5.23pm

Between Needs and Wants

Learning process takes daily experience. Although its hard to swallow but biting and chewing it slowly would definitely do good and fast learning experience of taking how life is. The ups and down helps a lot to manage the feelings and emotional part as for being tough, hard or soft and moving on.

Im at the end of the junction. Its either/ or. Neither or nor.

I can choose to have freinds, family and my life.
Or
Husband, family and marriage life.

Big decision needs lot of sacrificing.

Torn!!!

Was I not happy without someone beside me at night? Was I lonely not to share someone in my bed? Was I not feeling good to splash all the good things in life to my children except for fatherly love. I have frens to love me, family to support me, children to hug me, acquantaince to keep me going, career to make me alive and I even got him, admirers, stalkers, lovers, ex'es...

Sigh....

Resume of a Lover

Application for approval/ shorlisting:

Capabilities

1. Cook

2. Make babies

3. Working

4. Socialise

5. Communicate

Sense of...

6. Honesty

7. Sincerity

8. Humourous

9. Responsibility

10. Confidence

11. Independent

12. Loving

13. Friendliness

14. Respect

15. Logic

16. Maturity

17. Commitment

18. Warmth

19. Happy go Lucky

Options….

20. Passionate

Hope this meet your expectation and would love to show you my competence

Private Dance

19 March 2007

The rythm, the melody swayz herbody left and right. Following the tempo and music to her ease. The mixture of the instruments blends in her magical move. Enticing her from within making the move flowing like a wind.

It has to blend in together with her emotions, her feel, her right situation and her timing. Well developed into her lyrics and blasted outright to everyone surrounding her. Its either they just look, they claps together or even hold on to her waist to fit in the rythm together.

The tempo which fails to trail every inch of her slender body will slowly left giving more rooms to whom can take her hand in the new melody. Fast, slow, tango, salsa, mambo, limbo, rock, soul, jazzy anything that catch her glittering eyes and her soul and crack a smile on her lips.

3.07pm