There he was back then, long ago in chat world. He was hard, not nice, talk nonsense, garang, but i know somehow there must be reason why he is so angry over women. Including me... since then i want to know why... keep on being his fren. Keep on chating, until i ask of his number one day. He refused me, i accept it and keep on catching him whenever i am online.
I ask again for his number and he gave me. I smile, and accepted it. We go on knowing each other virtually, thinking, talking arguing and one day i made my way to merlion city just to get away from my routine life, my heartache and i call him asking whether he is free next day as i am in his town.
Of course he dont believe me. Because i am known for talk for no action. The next morning i was waiting for unknown face whom i know as Mr Wonderful.
He came in his black outfit, "are you farmie"... i smile, he smile. We shake hand and his smile lingers. Im not sure what is in his mind. I am not sure what is he thinking. We walk through Clark Quay passing through poeple while talking. Its still morning, sun is just glowing shining above us. He is asking where do i want to go. Esplanade was first destination then we move to Mount Faber to catch the cable car to Sentosa Island.
Along all this journey only my mind n heart talking to each other while he tickles me in the cable car above the sea. He was nice after all, not as hard as i thought when we were usually in the cyber world of SMS. I like his sense of humour n no moment pass without anything to be talked about.
One stage pass.
Last month i came again looking specially for him to take me off from my ground to be somewhere i dont know. Just to lift my emotions, feelings and stress of me. The hesitation in the beginning fade off as soon as i see him smiling in the airport.
No, i wasnt making a wrong action i told myself. But i hold myself to the last day bidding my goodbye to him because i wasnt sure still of what i am coming for.
Second stage pass...
He confirmed my question afterall there is a man out there u can trust to be your fren, to listen to you without touching your heart or emotion. He prove me that one can love another unconditionally without expecting anything in return. He gets my credit for that.
That makes me want to come for next and yes afterall this years i have all my questions answered although not all. We talk and talk and talk like no end. We became silent when the wee hours come. Usually he was earliest who wake up n observe me sleeping. He is the strange man who always happen to peep in my dreams. Only that its faceless in dreams but this is reality.
I found someone similar to lingering eyes before but then he then fade off due to many things lacking in me. I took so long to bcome confidence and secure for a man. He gave up. And here i am confiding in myself again that patience will always lead you somewhere.
I love the way he talk, he look at me, the way he touch, the way he narrates what will be seen in his visual preparation to white screen. He can talk n talk n talk i let him till i drift in my sleep. I hope and perhaps and it stays forever. Im not going to say otherwise. No more. I want this to stay for a very long time as long as he needs me and yes i need him too.
He facinates me with his dreams and goals. Theres a lot of things that connect my soul without him knowing. I dont have to tell all, i am not willing to for now. I am taking the patches one by one n put it at the right place. Slowly one at the time so that it wont break up anymore. I just want him to hold me together.
I am not going to refused but to accept, to love, to nourish, cheerish... I love what i have now. Im willing to share now. I want it stay in my mind, soul and heart. God please bless me again this time with him around me...
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