After holiday trip i rush myself to pack my bag again for my laproscopy and dd&c procedure in melaka. 3 nites i was alone by myself. Did a lot of thinking detaching myself n out side world. I learn about my surrounding n frens around me. Who are genuine, who are sincere, who claimed to be but not up to, who thinks they know but failed to be as expected. Am i expecting? I have long ago drop my passion to understand, to let go a feeling to love a man. But it came back recently. But it didnt come wholely like expected to be. Unsure of his feelings towards me sometime makes me reserve some for myself. He cant have the full trust and i cnt force him. I want it to come naturally within him. And when he ask me to go away for a while it makes me ask if you really need someone do you need to break loose or you nèed as longest string to let it go and when the elasticity goes the string will pull it back to you. I dnt have the answer, all i knw if it was meant for me it will be back safely unconditionally. And so with that i let it loose and unsure should i grow ìt, cherish, nourish, nuture it or let it perish. I let it be there lingering in my thoughts, mind and soul. Because it helps to keep me going. I have loving enough, i just want to be loved. If you cnt give it i wont force you. Yes i am very low now. Nothing seems to boost anything in me. You were around and used to contribute to my happiness but now i no longer do.
Let it be as i am a survivor, who will survive either with tears or laughter. I am going to take the challenge and invent the adventure of my life path. I forgive all... And i am praying everyone will succeed in their endeavour.
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