SEEKER OR FAKER

Both names is synonim I guess.  Two character who seeks attention and credibility on other people credit.

I & MacBook

Believe me or not, i have always been wanting to have few things in my life including this toy of mine.  Mashaallah i am truly blessed with this achievement but nah im not satisfied until im settling this soon really soon.

Thanks to Allah to this achievement and yes HE answered our prayer on the right time not when we ask for it there and then.

Beautuful life with awesome blessing indeed:)  Yes, I just want to pen down a bit of the feels i have upon achieving what other people could have years agoooo!!!

REALITY VS DREAM

 

People keep telling us women/ ladies to keep quiet on anything you don't like happening in your family, marriage, community, surroundings because it may shame you, or your own community even your close members in the vicinity.

How long can keep things that way.  How can you be defending on your patience to keep that reality from being exposed?  Just because we don't want the dirty laundry be carried all over the place and making the others being ignite in the story?

I do have that kind of situation.  I am still keeping it at bay and keep asking how long should I keep it away.  Its easy to just spit it off but isn't easy to sweep it under the carpet every time I itched to lay it in the open.  

Certain time it made me laugh watching them telling the tales again and again without hearing the OTHER story but yeah i don't have a choice but just laugh at it and find my own way to keep the itchy bitsy story from being told.

Well let me call back all the writing skill again and perhaps one day it will be pen down and will be a material to read on about reality check in life.

Right now let it just be the starting point for me to have draft line to write again.

#realityvsdreams

Raunchy Diary reality

2020 Roller Coaster

2019 stroll slowly in pace with every elements passing by.  The rise, the mishap, the hype, the thrill, the unlock mystery, untold story magnifies everything in life with blessing, learnings and the capasity of knowledge.  I am thankful, grateful and blessed with everything under the moon and sun.

The greatest creator plans has always been the best.  Too many thing in disguise unfold many good learnings for the whole 50 years roller coaster.  I take that as bonus and big jackpot.

The truth, the lies, deceit, infidelity, the joker, the fakes, the lioness, the loner, the tik toker, the tales teller, many more gave me good vibes  and laughter.  I learn to embrace family more closer and hold on the philopsophy of less is more.  Let that be understandable by me only so that it wasnt be messed by outsiders.  Keep that close to mind and soul now.  

Hear out, just listen, keep the comments and lets the tales tells.  Time has told and unfold so many things I need to know.  I am happy to encapsulate in closer, tighter and tie it up.  Let me just smile at it, love it and nurture it.

What ever i learned,  while i walk through it, I make me understand that is life.  That 's the thing i can let go and let it blown away.  I hold nothing to myself.  Not even love because I had gave it back to the planner.  Countless night spent just to figure out why and I am smiling at the end of the junction for the finale was good.  Far better than i expected.

Why was i expecting in the first place, while i know all is just temporary.  Now i see more rainbow colours than anything else.  I refuse to listen to unnecessary.  If i think its a responsibility of me to carry, i'll consider having thoughtful mind of it.  Finding the cause and consequences before i clear it out with solution.

Manage to clear 80% of debts while i was out of job since 2014.  I cleared 80% uncoloured vibes.  Snap off the negative aura.  Deleted many plastic surgeries list but kept many good memories of that.

Treasured so many tons of laugher and still moment which will be carried till my death bed.  I am more happier to be kidnapped and chauffeured to anywhere they like to take me. My 2 cents opinion only asked while necessary.  I no longer kept the unwanted stories.

Unless im triggered to dooms their day I shall be keeping that laid 7 meter depth buried.  Trust me, Im capable to dig it just as g00d as i laid it.  

#love

#live

#laugh

#ahappybirdjustneedairwaternature

Reminiscing the memories..

Wednesday,
27th November 2019

Wednesday nite market used to be our dating place.  Just to stroll the nite watching people and talks.  There i notice him with his wife parking the motorbike.  I smile in my thoughts of all the day he appeared here today. 

I stroll down the walkway trying to invite my appetite by scrutinizing the food one by one.   In the middle of the way he passed by me.  I smiled and he was smiling wider wanted to say more after i said hi.  I did not stop when he does because his wife was behind him. 

No, i will not let that happen if she is around.  I will not stir a womens jealousy although he thinks its alright for her just for a small chat.

I walk until im satisfied that nothing entice me, i turn my way back to the beginning where he was leading me by few steps.  My mind immediately told me to stop for sate and i am hoping he is long gone by then.

I was wrong when i am realized now im only a step behind his wife.  Without much time wasted i walk fast and left her behind.

My mind was disturbed always by his smile.  And I notice aged does catched his handsome face.  Plenty of dark spots visibly seen upon his wide smile.  He can be failing enticing me with that.  Until now i can still picture his smile.

Oh well that is the reason this blog reopen, rewrite and refreshed again.  Hope i have more to write soon

The ranting farmie
22.55pm
271119

Looking Back

I found this while cleaning ...

My mistake was to allow people come near me

First of all what tales are u talking about???  I dont write to pleased YOU or Him!!!  Lying or not it is not in your HAND!!!  Do I need to tell you reasons WHY I WRITE???? By the way who are YOU?????

You leave him or not its not my problem.  My simple phrase WAS "if he meant for you he will be there for you!!!" you got problem translating that????
Was i a problem to YOU??? and if it is WHY??? I cant see that i am going after him at all after my last meeting with him without your knowledge.  I can see that you are being inferior and insecure!!! WHY??? if he is meant for you WHY afraid of losing him?? Is he running away or he has another person that u failed to find out.  POOR you!!! 

His side eh??? He can say anything of course!! What makes he can lie to HER, he can lie to me, he cant lie to YOU????

He was just doing a bit of humanity while he still have it so what i did was just to pay back and I didn’t know that’s a problem to you. I failed to see that it’s a problem to him when he brush the hair away to look at my face and tell me to smile. Im sure if he can help me, he can help people as far as north, south to help other gals. For I know helping ppl has no barrier nor limit if he really meant to help.  I heard more of that, so it hurts me NOTHING at all!! Does it hurt u for him to help another woman??? Oh duh poor soul!!! You are scared for nothing!!!!

Was i hunting for him??? That’s up to him to answer.  I can only smile. For you and him to hold the true reason as per your and his understanding.  

Nobody stop you frm pursuing him so theres a problem with your statement. If it was not me there will be other girl.  Time will come when he too get fed up with you if he can have junction after 12 years of marriage why not after having you. 

He can say anything to her, you, me and any other gals, but it is a problem to me??? NO excuse me!!!!  He has his every right to be with who he love to be and who he loved right now.  Congratulations!!!  I adore because you have courage and wits to be a second person.

Lang Tengah need not an explanation either to you or him.  You dont need to know the real reason.  To be closed to him no need to be infront of you.  You wont know what he is doing 24 hours a day be it having good time with her or anyone else?  It was way before you know him.  Too bad you heard it too late.  Too bad he has to lie to you to be with other gals too.  Too bad he will still continue with that attitude to pleased you.
 
You got CHEATED before marrying him that even worst and feel sorry for you.  But ill pray for your happiness for he told me he wants to devote himself into you n HER.  So! happy sharing my dear gal. And i believe what he says for he is very honest and sincere perhaps towards you and both if he don’t have any other intention.   I don’t hold any grudge on you or him so take your chance and i just hope you don’t have to share with another other gal beside her.  Im happy for what i discover and thanks to you for being bold to email me hehehehe.

I wish you all the best in the path of your choice.  May god bless you with many child and happiness ahead,  should you be happy and not scared of being left alone  or have to find out what he does behind you.

And I guess to be a good wife is to look after his wealth, asset, dark secrets, health and also to keep your bedroom story lock only with you and him.

I pray to god he will treat you and her fairly so both of you will be in 2 kingdom of one leadership.  And that’s answer my polygamy question when he answer that questions.  I believe he meant well and I believe/ hope he will do what he told me.  So my friend “Have faith” for the truth enclosed in your prayer. 

If you think that’s the best for u then stay strong, fight all the battle.  It was never a war in life but human created it in due to achieve what they want.  Anyway suit you best to your need.

As for him I leave it to him on what he wants to say against me or on me.  For the statement he said is only for my VIEWING & HEARING only.  Should there be any provocation on this matter again I don’t hesitate to be another brutal honest again.

Good luck and all the best for your love and happiness.

It has been a long time since i last update.  No i have not lost my passion to write, it just because i have not been swimming into my deep thoughts.

I have focused on my children, my life and the progress has been taking in place.  I am just confused about myself.  About certain things turns out but i had never have a chance to think it over.

I just passed it out n carry on on life.  The colourful paint i draw had taken place just the way i wanted but i am just lost in me.  In search of my soul i found my creator but yet i am still had the emptiness.

Had not someone love me dearly?  Yes but did i love just the way he is?  I dont know.  I have not thought about it.  Why?  Because i dont know.  I have HIM and i will care less about him who have shown me his love, his passion, his feelings.

To me it is not as enough as i wanted...  Its  a strange feeling because my focus is more on HIM.  I have not find the lights just as yet.  Or have i allow him to ... no, no i think i was just feeling insecure and think he is not serious enough.

Till then it stays just the way it is now.

Drive my passion, it will lead to desire, purely it come from the soul.

24 June 15
1.23am