Released: 14th February 06 (my sis bday!!)
Mood : Colourful
Today’s quote:
Don’t think I wont turn around and bite you head off just because I’m nice… and don’t mistake my niceness for stupidity.. J
Love letter awaits me as I arrive in the office last Wednesday. Penalizing on something that was not done by me and leads to many things. It happens every year when she needs to pay out for bonus and increment. The hell im going to take it easy this year. You want to eat me up? Wait till I bite your ass.
Mind is tested and jeorpadising my emotions. While best friend is facing the same facet of scenario I once went through few years back, the most I can do was just be there to listen. I’ve said enough, I don’t want to be blamed for another time. She may throw me out of her life for giving a view but at the end of the day the decision was hers fully. To listen or not, it was not my goddam problem.
The example was there for everyone to see, to learn and just to get the best out of it. Bidding my last word to her before Maghrib after a series of yelling on my ears.
I still can hear it till now…”stop nagging and stop telling me what to do”. “Well then just stay there even if you’re beaten to death. If you can’t live without him then just listen to him”. And so I was quite since then. I’ve told you a year ago. I’ve asked your guts whether would you have a patience to be seconder. I’ve asked you whether would you be ok to accept him only when he is there with you and when he is with her would you focused your mind to be only to you and your kids. Failed!! You failed!! But again it was your choice, when you yell at me, when you throw me out as friend, I just smile and walked away. Eventually I said you will realize and come back. If it is not to say sorry but for the essence of the friendship. Finally, yes you did and you admit it. Well I never speak for you, I speak for myself. By putting myself in your shoe and feel what I should be in when I was there and then makes me said what I’ve said. Best example when I give the advice of the courage to be a second hand. And when another friend of mine said it was over, I just shrugged my shoulder off. Told her too and well she took the challenge. Patience and respect plays a good role in life to be in a good relationship.
Now back to my love letter. I was called by her to voice out what’s my next plan in achieving my goals and keeping the company at the same wavelength of mine. Enclosing myself to me when I sat down telling her about progress of work and my plans and goals.
I was in a mess, but nothing jeorpadising my work to be specific. She is running away from paying. That I noted from year to year. I called Ida from Jabatan Tenaga Rakyat for advice. Sat down with her to hear her on what should I do next. To my relieve that I was actually backup by labour law. The only thing now is whether I should do it. Yes, with my health condition and benefit for hospitalization was not set accordingly. My appointment with my doctor is soon to be finalize should I do it in Melaka or KL.
Was money my problem? No, its more on my children. Should I be bedded for few days, who is going to look for them. Although I have found someone to look after them but would I be ok when I’m away from them that long.
I need to learn to be away from their smells, their nottiness, the yellings, the biting session and all the good time around them. One day they will go away, to further study, to be on their own, to be with their love ones.
Its hurting to see how the people in the office work, where they put aside the family values just to be encapsulate with their work. Neglecting the feelings of the kids and those closed to them. How the passion of work embrace them within the office itself not noting the time they should be resting and to be with their family. No, I cant be like them. I was once neglected, I was once have ceilings, walls and floor as my talking mate. I won’t let my kids go through the same scenario.
I know how hard parents are to make sure we have everything in life. From there I learn how to set aside the 24 hours for each and everyone. Learning process will never fade from individual who is willing to learn.
Now I’m setting my mind to be firm with my workplace. I’m not going to say yes while I have to say no. No more giving in while I shouldn’t. I should change myself and shouldn’t change others. Never expect anything in life but strive for what I want. God will, it will come, insyallah. Now I know why I’m being betrayed, because I allow them too. How? Too kind to be cruel? Or was it the vows that I make. No, be nice all the time, payback time is not in my hand. Eventually it will come, if it is not from me, surely good is for it kindness, pain for cruelty. He knows better than me.
“Live Goes On says Lee Ann Rimes”
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