Individual...

Penna: Lynna
Released: 020606
Mood: Tired

By now that I know that being an individualistic is not easy. Everywhere I go there is people trying to get my attention and even I don’t addressed them at times they are still there lingering till the attentions are granted and they are listened, shared and being understand. And I realised it doesn’t take much time nor much emotions needed if it is straight forward. But most of the time once they feel the warmth and the friendliness, then its hard for me to get away again.

Why I am being hard for the first time meet? May be cecause I don’t know I don’t have reason to reject them again or may be I do feel the warmth of their company and that makes me out of time for myself. I hardly have time writing now what I feel here and compressed everything in my heart till it burst in a form of tears when I am being alone in my bed and when I start to read back all the smses from those concerned friend, from secret admirers, from attention seekers and from those I enjoyed the company too.

Building a relationship is already hard and what more to maintain. Sometime torn in between 3 of my best friends who needs my presence, my ideas and opinion. I need more time to be with my children especially when work pressured most of my time to be in the office. The love that I have for them still there but the time spent are so crucial. By the time I reached home the two honey bunch are curling in a deep sleep already for morning school. And the 2 elder one will wait for me to have dinner no matter how late it is. My heart crack at times, because food never amused me but in order to look after their feeling I sit down, listen to them despite the tiredness and sleepy mode.

Im not being fair, I told myself but then I still have to lead my life as it is. Pacing and racing with time. Socialising, working, attending to friends, family and attentively with what ever pops up there and then. Mood swings every minute but am able to manage it calmly.

I was smiling wide one minute reading ‘fool’ sms, and later cried in the lake of sadness but the other minute I was laughing over my stupidity and silliness. They said it all added in the spice of life. While we sulk we do need laughter and while we at the peak we do need to remember time of difficulties.

My third mission is still on the the KIV mode. Have not even start neither thought to launched it. Should I have the 3^rd stage mission or option of changing lane started? I’ve yet to decide.

6 months passed with me letting myself open with relations to almost everyone but has never thought of being serious in any. It’s not in my hand. Knowing that my ex has no longer bugging me with his emotional bondage now makes me feels so released. The next step was freeing myself from the debts, next to arrange for a new home for all of us and letting ONLY ME to rule my own life. Sounds simple but I do take future into consideration. While people say put your priorities first in hand but all those around me are still in the consideration. Without them who am I, what would I be, where would I ended. I think it’s fair if it is not much to consider and take into account. It is just a rough idea to think of the wiser part being away, alone and secluded or the simplest term being ‘INDEPENDENT’. Isn’t that what I am since I was born?