200706
Category : Pouring
Sayang dikala aku dikelabui perasaan rindu, semalamku yang kutinggalkan selama 20 tahun kembali merona awan dilangit mengamit awan, merintis bintang, menyelar pelangi, menyerlah bumi dan menyelak rasa hati...
Tiba-tiba ia hadir setelah hilang selama 20 tahun. Sedang kau hanya 15 tahun yang lampau. Namun apa yang aku ada sekarang hanya jiwa kosong, hampa, luka, tersasar kedasar impian yang tak sudah...
Aku mula membenci pertalian, membenci penantian, aku menyusur langkah santai kedaerah sepi mencari ketenangan. Aku lebih tenang begini,senang, damai tanpa berperang dengan perasaan. Mereka in mencintaiku?? Biarkan… Mereka ingin meraihku??? Biarkan… Mereka ingin mencari perhatianku??? Biarkan…
Aku dengan duniaku, anak-anak, teman rapat yang lebih rapat dari kekasih yang lebih mengerti dari kekasih, lebih menyayangi dari kekasih, lebih prihatin dari kekasih.
Aku jadi semakin keliru antara yang kucinta dan yang mencintaiku.
“Tell them you are taken”
On what ground do I am sure that I am taken???
“Do you want me to meet and tell your mom”
If you need to…
“Ill find time, ill do that….”
And so till now I never did believe him. To gain my trust??? You got to pay for it… How long??? Don’t ask…
I wont be thinking about what I will have with him. I will have to leave to him. And last night I ache to hear his voice again telling me he miss me but no, I did nothing to make that realize and heard to my ears.
By morning the ache became unbearable and thus the call is made just to say hi and it makes me ache to be with him again. I miss him, yes despite my hatred towards him. BOLD!!! Yes, I am when I say that but deep in me is so shallow, melt, soft.
On the other hand the other party is bugging me more and more for the attention. Tired. I am very tired of relations. I am on mute mode now. Please don’t ask me to love, yes, the heart is taken. No matter how we made it 20 years ago the feelings of loving you is not there. I can only befriend with you. And I don’t have a way to tell him that.
Abang I wish you can hold me. Warm, comfortable and safe.
I miss you…
3.25pm
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