Inner Feed 4

181706
Category: Pouring


By 7pm I am already missing him badly but i have to be strong to overcome all the feelings. Yes, i love him but i must be able to strive for tomorrow. With or without him i am still strong and tough to face tomorrow.

Childrens talk hurts me more when they are discussing about CT and Datuk Khalid. I told them i am going to marry a Datuk too.
Eiman look at me sternly.... "No, you can't!"
I turn to her.... "Why?"
"You are marrying papa"
I turn my head away, Amani continues "ibu, kawin dengan Uncle Nazli"
Conversation stop there. I dont want to continue it nor discuss about it. No one should know what i had in mind and in my heart anymore. I have speak enough, said enough. I am embarking new stage of my life.

People can love me, people can share their joy with me, people can accompany me as and when they are free and i am free. But sharing my life like I shared with my kids and family, they have to think about it again.

Prove me you love me, prove me I'm important to you, prove me I am worth for you, which some has done that, but then that small portion of heart belongs to someone who dont appreciate and think that i would not turn around and flea again. Once i set my foot and mind, i'll be fading again to everyone's life. Im only waiting for the right time. Mercy??? I dont know... Blessing??? I'll talk to my father soon for his idea and opinion. The rest can go fly kite.

Somehow I think I manage to overuled Mr Wonderful. As much attention given and his words do give me ease of my when im in vain. I need nothing much than a company not just a body without a soul or soul without a body. I am greedy yes, I admit but to some visible things that I can have. If i couldnt, so its time to let go again.

Pain??? Yup, it is but it will heal with time if i allow it. So lets give a little bit more time while I enjoy everyone attention and love. And to you abang ... take your time and just hope time will not leave you far behind again like 15 years ago.

Aku tak akan menagih lagi seperti peminta sedekah walau kasih, perhatian, sayang ataupun apa yang kau pinjam dari ku. Cukup sudah "Suratan atau Kebetulan". Aku harus teruskan kehidupan....

2.14pm