Single...

Penna: Lynna
Released: 030706
Mood: Funny

Some men thinks it is strange for a person like me who have experienced life of living together sharing lots of things in life and now being alone to handle the difficult part of being alone and lonely. When sex was brought up I always smiled and then laugh at their ideas and opinion.

There is many reasons why sex is enjoyed by many and always reason why they arent too. I have my own reason and I think it is not difficult just to drift my mind away from it or simply think of other things or just call friend for a coffee. Theres so many way.

Yes indeed it was hard when I was alone on the bed and the feel of having a warmth of a person does strikes once a while when I was too tired to be away or to do something else. That is when reciting as many surah as I can or drift into a deep sleep. Most of the time I succeed but at times I failed.

Thinking of it the failure of my marriage which was caused by many things that comes from me who choose to keep things in my own self without sharing. Why I don’t like it neither enjoy it. I just give because it was my responsibilities to abide the needs of a man. Giving the best pleasure I can was an added task for me to earn what I need in the later life. But was I sincere and honest to myself that was another story.

Many of them would laugh at me but then I guess sometimes it is not about what im getting but what I can give most to make him happy. Despite the tiredness, the awfull feeling of not getting it right accordingly， I still think that’s the best I could do to make him fully satisfied, not being angry and remain calm. Stupid some may say but then it is just me who will fulfill every needs of his and wants. The rest are given to HIM to decide.

Yes only now I talk, I share, I voice it out but to a different people just to get an idea, simplicity should I shared my dreams and bed again in a form of marriage. But to make me able to agreed to the term of being in a commitment ermmm I need time, perhaps long till they get fedup like some did last time.

But I believe if ‘he’ is really honest and sincere no matter how long I took to say yes he will be able to accept me as I am. The colours that I offer in my life, the dark, the bright, shady, hazy, striking or pale im sure they will enjoy it just the way I took them. Whoever he is, once I accepted you and tie you deep in my emotional bondage will be cherrished and nurture like the greens around me, like the wind breezing, like the sun shinning, like the rain pouring, like the moon brimming, like the warmth you offered will be treasured deep in my thoughts, deep in my soul, sealed in my heart. But to make me open to it ‘he’ has to find a way, time, place, shot which triggers my softness to an oppening. The bitterness of yesterday has thought me a lot to be cautious yet I was still hurt. But then again it was just another lesson to learned, another moment to be kept in the box of memories.

While he is being quiet thinking of next step taken, I took the space to understand what I want, what I need or rather laying my path to the way I wanted to be. Friends has been filling me with their views and opinion to the extend taking a step of looking at the situation and place he residing just to make sure I was not fooled again by men.

One has asked me to move on, another said to get discreet and the other asks to be patience. Dear friends, my time frame is still wide open and clear. I shouldn’t take any neither actions nor getting any result now. I should remain calm and patient. Every action taken will surely comes with package of consequences and so I have to get ready for any of the results should I make a conclusion.

Time to rest again now. I need my brain again for Maggi Report… till then pal. And for you who is trying to understand me, here I am, this is me, the soft, the hard, the cranky, the silly, the cute?, the naughty (hehehe I am), sometime absurd, straight forward, romantic (when u get the right button bukan biten). Take your time to read and think while you are being hard there is a way to make u soft…beside proving you not all female are the same and not every male are comparatively same like you…

6.19pm