Currently listening: Era
Mood: Thankful
There are many sensitive things im gonna right from now on. Since i have no chance to spit it out in reality. Writing all this without prejudice to anyone but only for me to think and ponder.
Why i dont have a heart to tell people what i feel when they come for help even at those time I too need someone to support me. Time to time i ask myself would i be able to help while im the one who need help. At the end of the day i told myself, i got a plate full of meal, i have entertainment tho i dont have to go out n spend money, i have friends to listen n advice, i have relatives who care less but there r still existed, i have car to go around, i got salary to support the angels education, what more to ask then, while they just need someone to be there?
What i lack was just a moral support surviving as single mother. But would that make me less as a person. So far no, i have not been let alone. Tho i crushed, crumpled and thrown once but it never makes me shattered fully like a broken glass. Even so i have gathered all the piece even a tiny bit to put it back there. There is pore, loophole or even scar but at least it was there back again, time will heal, time will tell. Ill polished that if i cant make it like last time, at least something.
What im doing now is to still be who i am before. I care even they treat me like shit but i wont be so closed. I help even i cant lend all the money if i can just listen, i would do. I am yes concentrating on my life but it doesnt mean i cant still listen if they need me, to advice. As much as i can do is just lend a shoulder. Even many will said how stupid i am, that would not change how i feel for them. I was there before wanting someone to help, to hear me, even they cant give the hand, they lend the ears, the thoughts that make me up till today. Why i become stronger because they motivate me, booost me till i am tough like a steel (thanks to kinchan for his way was tough but it was good method-god bless u always)
Lending an ears, write what i feel to me is nothing wrong. I cant change people but people around me will think and ponder when they hear, read or saw what happen. Yeah its very hard for me to say direct because i dont want to hurt anyone feelings. I still keep a lot of things inside me for what i hear, i read and i thought. It will only remains for my own consumption. I care about what people said behind me? So long im doing what ive been doing, without taking any from their life, i would be fine. Im sure god knows better why i did it for. If you cant understand, i would fully. Its always reason why things happen. We cant change things overnight. Perhaps some people can. But not me. I have gone through good days, shit happens along the way but still composing myself although everyone is stabing with needle from anyone but its only making my defence system being individual stronger and stronger. The hell that ive gone through makes me retreat myself in the lonely night seeking solace in HIS hand asking for HIS mercy and blessing. For those who has fucked up my life, for those who spit on my face, for those who hold my hand and wipe my tears has got or will get all the payment from HIM pronto. I just want HIM to let me have my angels, my little heart for mercy of those needy people and whatever he is giving me till today.
Till then that piece of heart of helping will still kept by me. I wont change that to make the new me. The new me is what i am today. Its okay if you throw me out. I wont throw you because god has never throw me even ive done lots of mistakes. HE just want me to reflect, think and be objective accordingly. I wont deceive myself just to please others. Ill do according to what shown to me. Alhamdullillah..........
Why i dont have a heart to tell people what i feel when they come for help even at those time I too need someone to support me. Time to time i ask myself would i be able to help while im the one who need help. At the end of the day i told myself, i got a plate full of meal, i have entertainment tho i dont have to go out n spend money, i have friends to listen n advice, i have relatives who care less but there r still existed, i have car to go around, i got salary to support the angels education, what more to ask then, while they just need someone to be there?
What i lack was just a moral support surviving as single mother. But would that make me less as a person. So far no, i have not been let alone. Tho i crushed, crumpled and thrown once but it never makes me shattered fully like a broken glass. Even so i have gathered all the piece even a tiny bit to put it back there. There is pore, loophole or even scar but at least it was there back again, time will heal, time will tell. Ill polished that if i cant make it like last time, at least something.
What im doing now is to still be who i am before. I care even they treat me like shit but i wont be so closed. I help even i cant lend all the money if i can just listen, i would do. I am yes concentrating on my life but it doesnt mean i cant still listen if they need me, to advice. As much as i can do is just lend a shoulder. Even many will said how stupid i am, that would not change how i feel for them. I was there before wanting someone to help, to hear me, even they cant give the hand, they lend the ears, the thoughts that make me up till today. Why i become stronger because they motivate me, booost me till i am tough like a steel (thanks to kinchan for his way was tough but it was good method-god bless u always)
Lending an ears, write what i feel to me is nothing wrong. I cant change people but people around me will think and ponder when they hear, read or saw what happen. Yeah its very hard for me to say direct because i dont want to hurt anyone feelings. I still keep a lot of things inside me for what i hear, i read and i thought. It will only remains for my own consumption. I care about what people said behind me? So long im doing what ive been doing, without taking any from their life, i would be fine. Im sure god knows better why i did it for. If you cant understand, i would fully. Its always reason why things happen. We cant change things overnight. Perhaps some people can. But not me. I have gone through good days, shit happens along the way but still composing myself although everyone is stabing with needle from anyone but its only making my defence system being individual stronger and stronger. The hell that ive gone through makes me retreat myself in the lonely night seeking solace in HIS hand asking for HIS mercy and blessing. For those who has fucked up my life, for those who spit on my face, for those who hold my hand and wipe my tears has got or will get all the payment from HIM pronto. I just want HIM to let me have my angels, my little heart for mercy of those needy people and whatever he is giving me till today.
Till then that piece of heart of helping will still kept by me. I wont change that to make the new me. The new me is what i am today. Its okay if you throw me out. I wont throw you because god has never throw me even ive done lots of mistakes. HE just want me to reflect, think and be objective accordingly. I wont deceive myself just to please others. Ill do according to what shown to me. Alhamdullillah..........
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