Syawal

Its over finally. Gotten everything all upside down but then I accept it all with my open heart. I was disturb mentally, perhaps that’s the reason why my period came early and it was not like usual. Its really worrying me. The colour of the flow and its way too soon from the normal cycle.

Dear stress, please go away. Let me have the possibility of having morning Syawal like usual, like 3 years ago. Ive managed to get mom a piece of blouse, bought the coconut leave to make the ketupat and I hope I can still manage the spirit I have like now until syawal came. I just want to celebrate it like I did years ago. But I know its not going to be like those days.

Alling called this afternoon. I wasn’t feeling well, I was sleeping. Third attempt of calling me I pick up lying still on my bed half awake. Talk like usual and exchange stories. While I thought friends have left me for good but actual facts there was still many friends have me in minds and still keep in touch and sent me syawal message.

Now I know so long I did not have bad thinking, bad mouthing nor thinking they have left me but they still treasure my friendship, my warmth and comfort within them even tho they are busy with their life. I thank god for giving me the food, the happiness, the soul, the mind which really made me appreciate what life is, what blessing and what testament is.

For those who still fear of me, or even curious about me why don’t you come and confront me. Don’t go around and messing people. Challenge your courage, challenge yourself come upfront and ask me. What have you got to loose by doing it.

Fear of losing, curiosity and scared??? Everyone faced that in life. But the way of managing it, is by asking your heart what does it leads to, where does it takes you, when does it stop, what makes you do that, who makes you think of that? When you throw that statement and did a decision which is so far away from it does that make any sense?

Poor soul who cant answer its own heart of what reality brings in life. But im glad by now I found out who are friends, enemies and also someone you can trust. But im sure things happen for reason, with reasons and truth prevails. I still love you friends. No matter how hurt it is to accept it but reality opens up my eyes, mind and soul to take everyone equally for its own reason.

Date released : 2 Nov 05 (1.55am)
Currently listening:
Mood: No good – Im sick.