Young, Single and Bachelor

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Young, Single and Bachelor Current mood: Bitchy Category: Juicy and Raunchy “Daripada I beri you duit beli telefon, lebih baik I beri you duit beli cincin. Kita kawin lagi bagus luv”. I just laugh and stifle at the screen. He is still trying. He gave up once. When theres many outings in groups for drinks, snooker and music over pub. When one day I came with Zahar to one of our frens stalls in gombak, he kind of slowed down chatting with me and become quiet after that. Well I told everyone very clear, im not looking for a mate, boyfriend or husband in net. I was just looking for friend and extending my networking. I don’t have hidden agenda. Im not an opportunist nor a seeker of one attention. You came knocking, I’ll welcome you. You have reason to be here? So do I, but my clear reason is stated. Besides that im an open book, and as clear as crystal. I have nothing to hide, nor looking for something to fill in the gap. Basically I have you as friend just to fill in the blanks, to tone down the stress due to my bz job and exchange views and opinion. Besides questioning to prove the survey we did is right on track. Which was always successful. There will be many reason why I avoid young and bachelor male. Its not going to be fair to him, his parents or his future. I will age, I am a mother and I have commitment. I wont have all the time in the world to breed his children is one big reason. At this age considering about my health is more important. I know god knows better but its not wrong to consider his age and my age at this moment. He is at the peak of his sex life and im going to be menopause soon. When he is back like an adult to enjoy life and being successful, im already at the edge of waiting for time to perform my haj and waiting for my creator to invite me back in his den. Next reason, being a mother of four will always taking all my time to fulfill their wants and needs. I would love to give them the best and will not consider to add another cluster to be divided amongst them. That fair enough or perhaps not now while they need the best attention of me. It’s a no no fullstop!! That’s my wish as for now. My commitment to my children as I made the vow when I accepted my first marriage was to take care of the zuriat that given by HIM in my hand. That was carried by me for 9 months and 9 days. To be taken care of till the day they can manage themselves one day, insyaallah. Many men came. Some are pure seeking for companion, some are just seeking for bed partner and some was just pure looking for friendship. I accept them as it is. But to be accepted in my life like Zahar was far away from my thoughts. How did I fall? How I take that in my box of life? I don’t know. I don’t wish to take the headache again of manipulating myself, life and mind to create a space, place and piece of heart for any at the moment. Cant say anything much because god knows better for me tomorrow. HE granted one but he take it back. HE lend me one but just for a test he said and then HE decided its not suitable for me and HE send another woman for him. Now im glad that my ex has gotten himself a girlfriend which now means I can be his friend who listen or even talk to him like old days. As for the sake of our children we come to a mutual term that we talk should the subject need to be shared. Ive seen him smiling more sweeter while talking to me. That’s what I want. Not someone yelling, accusing or harassing. He has become the most handsome person I know 13 years ago again with his smile. I have run away from the first topic. Back to my story, I am thinking fairly as his mother would rather have single female to be the partner of her son. Which can be shared of with them when they are old. To grant them many grandchildren if possible. Every mom would want the best for their children which I respect them. It same goes to my mom too. She has been different lately. More sensitive to what I feel and need. Im glad patience is always the key to succeed and god always listen if you ask HIM passionately. Im glad HE did. Alhamdullillah. Or I have this in my raunchy mind since I was married. Why don’t my husband find another woman and marry her so that I have a space for myself sometime. He can spend his time with another woman of his choice and its legal. I did ask him to find one. But he refused. “I have you, why should I need another one”. I fulfill every needs that he want. I cater time, space and everything in between my bz time as a mother, daughter, friend, niece, employee and importantly as a wife. In my tired day, I never failed to smile, laughed, giggled with my colleagues, friends, relative, childrens and him. Was I missing those days? Practically im still the same. Its just the lack of a husband. Other than that? None. Widi make me laugh yesterday out of my sleepy mood. He was telling his experience in the hospital. Besides taking the pain he has live entertainment and we shared that last nite over tea and nasi lemak. Nina was laughing non stop, but arip was so cool, perhaps he was tired. Chelli pulak giggling je. Hmmm missed out some one there. She is in penang for an assignment. I receive beautiful photos earlier from rose and reposted the “GIRLS DAY OUTING”. The colours of ME was really nice n turns out well. Why aren’t us taking picture when the adventure explored. It will be next. Mind was raging with ideas of stomping my feet to Orchard road soon. Rom is tempting me to go with her. Besides those beautiful ladies is waiting to have me there. Would I then see many people on the street still. Would I be pissed to see them romping on the road? Im still thinking, I would just hop a bus from Melaka and get straight to Lion City. I missed Merlion on my first visit. I want to make sure Im gonna take pics from there. I have about S$800 still in hand which I hardly used on my first visit. 4 tshirts, 2 fridge magnet n some other few items. Not even S$200 finish. Boss please grant me a leave. I want to please myself this time. Walking, rambling, wondering, taking pictures, meeting people and have hell out of fun. It would be fun for me. Rom cant wait for the answer. So do I. God please let me have this wish. Grant me another mercy please. But deep in there an itch question, will I meet roslinah on the street. Shit! Whenever heart is saying something, im sure somehow it will be happening. Im gonna ask boss again. I will have to go, and I want to make it happen. Suddenly the visual of the lingering eyes popping. With the smile of course. Argh go away mister sexy smile, I aint needing you here. But the memories are welcome. *sigh*. The lingering eyes wont go. I have to go, so that the eyes will reside my bedside. Tomorrow I will ramble about the married man decent proposal. Will I consider that? I will have to seek for an answer with Istikharah again. Insyaallah, will meet again friends. Till then, sweet dreams. Date released: 231105 (1.21am) Currently listening: She is the BoM (Rufeddge) Cantik, menarik, tertarik kau memang the BOM! Mood: Pleasant p/s nina: I love to ramble in myspace somehow. Perhaps im stubborn but I find peace here. For some people that I don’t want to bring in myblogspot where I can reveal more of my life hapilly. Tq for understanding and being the best friend I had J