SAKIT

I slept about 1am last night. Wake up to work like usual. Upon reaching office when I make a turn to KLSentral I was hit by a pain behind my left waist right to my whole tummy. I was flooded by cold sweat when I tried to ease the pain or just shutting my mind from it. It was unbearable pain really which I cant just avoid by shutting my mind. I was shaking and trembling and hit with anxiety.

From the car park I walk slowly to my office with my children. Since maid ran off I took them to office and the twins is with the father. I start my day like usual and not thinking of the pain still and start doing my morning task. When I was hit again harder this time, I really can’t stand it and told my boss I can’t barely walk, sit or even breathing too cause me problem. I was laying crumpling my body on the couch fighting the pain. I’m sweating heavily in a very cold place.

I know by this time the advice from friends to go and visit the specialist strikes my mind. I was actually waiting for some money to go and visit Dr Fauziah in Ampang Puteri for thorough check up. Since three months ago I am getting period longer than usual. The colour, the smells and its longe, it’s a week longer than usual. There was no pain but the urine colour sometimes worries me. But I put it aside since raya is coming, the preparation for my girls is more important.

But today, when it strikes no I don’t want to delay that anymore. The visit that I promised myself. It could be the stone, it could be the fibroids again or it could be anything. I need a space for myself. I want to tell myself I should be doing this to me.

After the jab I was asleep till 430pm and there was so many calls from friends which I did not pick up. Sorry friends, I know you are worried but I cant help it. I cant even lift up my eyelid. Im really tired and worn off. I eat after the last meal yesterday meeting Kinchan, Puteri and incik Amat with my kids. I know im forgetting my routines meals but I cant help it. Everything tasteless and not nice nowadays.

I know I cant just follow my emotions but I cant force myself to take something. This morning my boss have the pleasure making Horlicks for me and scoop it to my mouth. After first spoon, I told her not nice, she looked at me sternly and babbling that even not nice I have to take it. Everything taste bitter nowadays. Only half of the nasi goreng paprik finish last night. That’s all I can afford to swallow. My second daughter make me a Milo and two slice of bread for lunch. My sister cook for me, since the rice is still hot I ate that at 5pm.

Kinchan called asking what happen to me and he got that message from Rome. Hmmm Rome called many times. Tee came to visit just right after I get back for my visit to doctor to get my nebulizer. Now after entertaining my kids friends and sending my twins to my moms house. A few minutes after my medications making my body all shaking and I guess its time to hit the sack.

Thank you god for granting the sickness so that I think of you more than anything else. The food, the friends who is thoughtful, the family and everything. Im glad im chosen to be tested again with the highest integrity.

Date released: 091105 (11.05pm)
Current listening: Erra Fazira (Cinta Kolestrol)
Mood: content