Penna: Lynna
Released: 040406
Mood: Cherio and Thankful
Currently listening: Could I have this Kiss Forever (Whitney Housten & Enrique)
Bismillahirrahmannirrahim…
Thank god, I am able to be back here to voice out my thankful thoughts to this space of mine. Thank you to those people who have been helping me with my surgery, who has been sending and looking after my welfare during the surgery, during the admission, during my treatment and being discharge and to take me back home to my children, families and my special space here…
My smile lingers even till now. My long conversation has made me said a lot of things. These few days has been affecting me badly after my surgery… I was affected badly by missing the smell of my kids, the laugh, the smile and affection. I cried few times being in the deserted place of loneliness without them though I was surrounded by mom, aunt and cousin’s and other families. Now I can be smiling again in the warm embrace of my kids, families, friends and to you my special reader.
As much as I miss my blog, he does too. He misses reading what I felt over the week since I was admitted. I met a lot of lovely people from a friendly monkey who visited me every morning to share a portion of breakfast, numbers of friendly nurses who came every now and then offering hands and lovely smile and also to all the doctors who has been attending to me. They are very very nice indeed and have had a very special smile to heal my pain sooner than I expected.
To Dr Harlina, my special thanks goes to you for recommending
2 hours of operation I was promised will make me smile again they said. “Not to worry” before I was given anesthetic few minutes before I was asked to say “syahadah” and started it with “Bismillahirrahmannirrahim”.
It was then realized they took 6 hours than suspected earlier. The cyst I had was complicated and severe whereby my right ovary was not as bad as left where the uterus, ovaries, intestine and bowel was frolicking into each other making it difficult to remove. My uterus has grown double of the normal size where it has been infected beside outside my ovaries. The long period, and the painful pelvic pain, was a normal symptom for endometriosis.
He was there waiting for me and has been answering all the calls that came in during the period. Yes, I informed my mom a night before I left for Melaka. I told my sister a few days before I leave KL. I called my aunt in Melaka few minutes before I was pushed to the operation theatre.
Why did I do that last minute while I know the operation date 2 weeks earlier? I was still hesitate that these occasion will renew my relationship with those people since my divorce took place. But I’m glad it went well.
The arm who has been rubbing my back when I feel like vomiting and the hand who took the mercy of putting some ointment on my neck and my head when I feel the world is spinning never change from those hand I known before since I was small. I don’t need to ask her to do that. I just had to sit down and feel the uncomfortablity but the loving hand would know what to do. Perhaps my aunt realize that I need that loving hand without being asked and she knows I never asked and will never will. It was never the same to have mom on the second day. Tho she is there but she is there. I know the difference and will never make any fuss of it. Will never say it why, where, and when. I’ve known her for being her so I will just accept her the way she is.
But when she shows her affection towards him on the day he came to pick me back in KL, it give me a message although it’s a bit too soon to say something about it.
I had a long talk with him just now. Voicing his doubts over his ability, over the future, over situation that might took place, over a short encounter of affection and passion of love has really give me some rough idea what to expect and to source out. I just wish god listen to my heart says. To give me another chance to renew my life, a chance to be able to love, a chance for my family to amend those things which happen and to look out of new series of renewal terms in my life.
Would I be able to do it and materialize it? It is in HIS hand. I’ve told him all about Z. I’ve let him read my SMS, my blogs, my heart says and knowing my family. It is now all in god hands. Im not taking you away from what you have, but im sharing what I can have in future and to be able to understand what has been communicated.
This is my first blog since I’m back in KL. I have a lots of things to write but disability, uncomfortability makes me just wrote it in a piece of paper for me to materialize it here perhaps tomorrow and the day after. Insyaallah I will share it with you readers for us to think and ponder what I have in mind during my hiatus period.
Till then its late, I need to rest again although I’m not sleepy but I need to be ready early tomorrow because I have appointment with doctor to remove the stiches. Sam is willing to drive me and mom is willing to accompany me. I was sorry for my sister who can’t use my car because it wasn’t with me. It was purposely set not to be with me for it to be serviced and to make my movement not as active. (*I know you are smiling, but I know your intention and concern very well*) (Thank you!)
Good to be back, kicking and alive again with a new term and mission…
J ;-) :-*
1.31am - 050406
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