Pleasing...

Penna: Lynna
Released: 240406
Mood: SAD!!!

"Sometime they are not honest when they said they are..."
I guess that is right. Why should i be honest while i am not? Why should i tell while i should just keep my mouth shut!!!

Hurt... thats what im feeling now. Trying to be the best of me to everyone around me would never make me feel good. Why do i pleased everyone around while i dont want to pleased myself. Well, by now i should be taking the invitation one after another perhaps.

Why not test them afterall they came nicely asking. "Can i date u you out Lyyna?" I dont take it up because im not ready or maybe i dont want anyone to come to me with a bondage of love that would make me feel tangle with emotions.

But why i come to him and accept him? The love that i kept before was still fresh and blooms from my heart each and everyday now. As much is i nurture it was i getting the same? No, i shouldnt ask nor expect the same as i gave. NEVER!!! that shouldnt be in my vocabs.

Im a learner each and everyday. If i can have it, it is a bonus. If i cant, LIFE GOES ON. I wouldnt die if i dont get any love im sure. Let me put it this way so that i wont expect anything not from anyone. No, i had enough, i gave enough, and i dont want any from anyone anymore. Ill ask more from GOD as he knows what the best for me and my children. I guess it is how i should be fair to myself. Look good just for myself, work best just for myself, walk confidently for myself, talk nicely just for myself and in return god will pay me of all the good will i've done for myself.

Few blogs that i read today, slapping my face of what i write in my own blog. Was i showing off? Was i boasting of what i know? Who am I to do all those? Why am i doing that for? What grudge does she holds on me just because i am writing the way i should in each and everyone shoes?? Who came to me and get all those infos and at the very end of the day slapping to herself. Stupid me was always being nice to people without knowing what do people really need from me. But im just doing what i need to do without a feel that i should be getting this from anyone. Was i proud to be who i am to you??? YES, I DO and will always do. Even one day if you slap me on the face for being emotional or angry over me, i would accept that action. Why because i have accepted you to be WHO YOU ARE.

And my mistake was to trust you as what you are and at the very end of the day you used what i said to hurt ME, to pull ME down and to kill ME softly.

God hear me please for i am not like what they think. I just want to be me. To give, and give and give... there is no return in that. No, i wont dare to ask anymore...

Dear god, take me in your good hand please...
I am very tired...
Let me retreat....

15.11pm