My Passion

Penna: Lynna
Released: 020606
Mood: Cranky I am

Category: Blogging

Missing the same ringing tone was something I hate to do and wait. I’m telling Rome today to stop me for any action of reaching that tone. And she agrees with me and question about SG arise again. Tentatively I am going. Its only reminiscing the action why did I make that trip.

It has been almost a year since I dumped him and he was happily married now (should he be married). But this time my trip was not because I’m running away from my feelings but to enjoy my time with friends and visiting people that I want to meet.

This time I want to make sure fun and hoping to one another place because I want to enjoy what I have, what I can do and whom I am meeting. There’s is few people lining in the phone books but it depends on the availability of their presence. Whatever it is I have to jet-setters and on the go friends from here who is willing to run with the pace and few of them there are waiting.

Reason of going – meeting new friends. To see the reality of the people that I talk and write or sms. Are they real or are they fake.

This the best thing that makes me hurried back to office after lunch. After visiting nearby pharmacy, while stomping out of the door, a girl with black base and red rose baju kurung open the door with a wide smile to me. Very beautiful precious and so calming. I who was in hurry was stunned upon the smile widen like a sun shining brightly at 2pm. N my lips painted a broad smile for her in return for her beautiful gesture. Along the way I saw a girl who walk uncomfortably. I can see her pants is wet and I wonder and think at the same time. Why is it wet. My eyes scanning her up and down. There’s a guy beside her carrying a bag and she’s carrying tote bag under her arm. My instinct was saying something and her pants wetness became wider and wider. I went to a phone shop to buy my top up. And my eyes is still scrutinizing her action and her husband was getting some information from a bus driver for a direction of the bus.

My hearts saying her waterbag burst and she is going to deliver a baby soon. But why is the husband getting into the bus and not the taxi for her to be sent to the nearest hospital fast. After gotten my top ups I saw her and the husband taking a seat in the bus and it left me no choice to go in her direction. I was ready with a note to give her or the husband for her to be taken by cab to the nearest hospital in order for her to tested fast and lay down. Yes, I was worried and my heart was beating fast when I saw her wet pants when I pass by to the pharmacy earlier.

Finally the awaited period came and I rushed myself to Pusat Pakar Kementah this morning to get the jab. Now I am back to normal without the emotional disease anymore.

Angah message heal some of my question I have in mind and lingers in my thoughts. Leave it be for awhile. I am teaching myself to be strong. To be independent. If I can go through today, I will be able to go through tomorrow. My hard days has gone even I know I have lots more to go but yes I was never stop making mistakes. Unwinding myself to take the challenge making me hard and bitter each day. To bad it happens to us and I am not making use of your situation and I hope you are not making use of me too.

If my presence making it hard for you to make decision or to think. Here I am freezing myself to no use to you nor to anyone. I have let down my needs, my urge, my wants just to fit in yours. Great mind goes as far as the horizon can reach, great kindness cant be said by words, great colours not as beautiful as rainbow. The harder my heart is the worst I am going to be. And I know it is hard for any man to melt the ice. I could not care less now. I am married to my children. My only bondage. I am not going to fool myself with what you said, NO, not again.

If you cant portray your leadership, stability and constant pace to face life as it is, do you think I should be standing behind for the reason to make us strong. I should think about it again. You want the easiest way?? There is nothing easy in this life.

My huggable kids are back. My sleep are through till morning. The dreams that came few days ago was now picturing real on life screen. Time for sulking again huh say what. NO, here.. is where everything will be poured. You read or not I don’t really care anymore. Im worth not for someone. Im worth for myself and my darling angels. That’s its. She call me every now and then to make sure im ok. Can I turn her to be my dream man???

Yeah, he came every nite to pacify. It doesn’t matter if it is not for real. At least im not waiting for him to call but ready at my command even in my fantasy land. Not for real, yeah why not if only man come to me just wanting to have sex or to make me theirs. Why dont u just go find an easy lay or there's many women who can offer more than you wanted. I got better things to do than just pleasing man.

I was, I have and perhaps I will be or perhaps there will be no more at all. Im just waiting for my time to perform my istikharah and from there whether its hurting or not I am going to take that final decision by HIM and REDHA to the faith I have.

17.47pm