Be it lah...

Penna: Lynna
Released: 220506
Mood: ............

Thought of the day: 930am

Apabila kau ingin berteman, Janganlah kerana kelebihannya, Kerana mungkin dengan satu kelemahan, Kau mungkin akan menjauhinya.... Andai kau ingin berteman, Janganlah kerana kebaikannya, Kerana mungkin dengan satu keburukan, Kau akan membencinya.... Andai kau inginkan sahabat yang satu, Janganlah kerana ilmunya, Kerana apabila dia buntu, Kau mungkin akan memfitnahnya.... Andai kau inginkan seorang teman, Janganlah kerana sifat cerianya, Kerana andai dia tidak pandai menceriakan, Kau mungkin akan menyalahkannya.... Andai kau ingin bersahabat, Terimalah dia seadanya, Kerana dia seorang sahabat, Yang hanya manusia manusia biasa.... Jangan diharapkan sempurna, Kerana kau juga tidak sempurna

Ambiläh Mäsä UnTuk Memähämi HäTi Ðän þeräsään Käwän, Keränä Ðiä Jugä,Seoräng Mänusiä; Ðiä Jugä Adä Räsä TäkuT,Adä Räsä ßimbäng, Sedih Ðän Kecewä , Ðiä Jugä Adä Kelemähän Ðän Ðiä Jugä þerlukän Käwän Sebägäi KekuäTän. KiTä SeLalu MelihäT,Ðiä KeTäwä, TeTäpi Mungkin

Cutting from my mailbox: 11.34am

I should instead thank you for the lovely company. Sorry for the disastarous dinner.. Will find a better place next time.. Perhaps just room service will do the next time we meet.

Well...i apologize if i acted and behaved indecently by any means... Darling if i am superman u r my cryptonite.. U r just irresistable in and out...your body against mine generated feelings I have not felt for a very long time... As if I landed in a strange land of long lost paradise.. But thanks for the cue to stop.. though i really wished the night never ended.. Thank you for the moment sweetheart..as long as it lasted... it will forever be thought and repeated in my mind over and over and over...

Will call you soon .

take care my luv.

bye.

On the other Inbox: Questions was asked:

Is this the transcript between you and *.V.*

220506

Every morning there is sweet, hard, bad or beautiful surprise arrive which gave lots of emotional tag on. As much as i want to be pure it has to be discovered and observed. So far thats how i made it through of how i am, be like i am, act like i am.

Flashing back on weekends activities:

Friday:-
Having good time over Laksa Johor in PJ with Akhtar and Rome, despite burning pain in my stomach and backpain. Then we head home and i hit the sack early due to my pain. Around 12.40 he wake me up feeling guilty for not calling me today. Tired and sleepy was what i told him beside being understanding of his busy schedule with work and his family beside monitoring his father in law in IJN.

Saturday:
Morning walk with CT and Rome was good when i was surprised by unexpected question due to my lower back pain. I was laughing all the way and shutting that out of mind. Silly, i was telling myself thinking over it while i left them behind talking to each other. They both don't keep any secret at all. They are friends since childhood, having to grow together and i was introduced during morning walk session and was fell in love with her too. Fun to be with, open minded, silly, witty and happy go lucky but with a very serious kind of actionable attitude that shutting me sometime to follow them out. Lunch is set to be in Seksyen 15. All in all mood was not good today, having to think of everyone schedule into my personal account too really pissed me. Tagging me into your daily moves is really not me unless i was asked before hand. Pissed i am, even when i looked at his face looking in amusement the way he chew, bite and swallow every bite of what he scurrying in his mouth.
Him that i did not seen in a week has never failed to affect me somehow. He took my hand and kissed it and never want to released it. And the effects lingers throughout the weekends. Perhaps i better dont see you again abang. It hurts me seeing you that way. I stop by at two places just to be with myself again and think when my cousin called and told me to have faith with what im holding now. "Along tak menyusahkan orang! Be rasional, dia sanggup berlaku adil pada along dan tak de kompromi dalam soal ini". I am somehow wanted to turn back leaving and let him lead his life like usual, no matter how difficult it is going to be on his side, he still has HER, and his family. I slept soundly after that and the medication works only for a while. I woke up at about 530pm feeling sad.

Movie that i watched that nite was produced by Tsfriend, FAZREEN WAHAB, where Hafiz, and her before burnt BMW was featured in the slot. It was a triangle love where lies a good lesson of how a person like me to think and being reflective of what should I do next. And what has HE got for me to making all this happen to me or to others which in that situation.

As much as ive run away from him way back, it is still haunting him till today and when he discover I am again single and having to live happily with my family and children, he is back asking to be in his hand again while having HER in his responsibilities.

Torn as always, in between what I want, his and what HE has gotten for me. He of all the people has gotten my mom, my sis, my aunt and my children affection since the very beginning. Ive always keep my frens and bfs as separate belonging from families before. But his surprise this time was really something that I cant stop it. He did it as and when he likes it. While I was out with frens he will call me telling im here and here n would be coming there and then. And the panicky me will have to tell that im not home and out with frens. To his dismay that I did not told him my whereabouts he will then ask when I am going to be home.

Was I suppose to tell where I am, or where would I be. Exclusivity for you? I dont know. Im confused, very confused, while my cousin urging to have faith that it will turn out to be fine,but im finding a lane to change it. Conflicting between the needs and the urge, desire and destiny, action and thoughts. Damn feelings. I just want what I want. I dont want to think anymore. Come what may and prove me that I am wrong!

Not giving up but I want just what I want. No more turning back. I dont do anything wrong.

13.37pm

Sunday
Porridge was served for bfast and Rome with the troops came and we dashed to Seremban to visit her mom. It was nearly more than a year i did not visit her in Bukit Chedang. Her residential always welcome me with the sweet natures kind of environment all over her place from the porch to the basement bedroom. Not even one place didnt invite my smile and sense of loving home. The only thing was missing is she stayed there alone. We were warm welcome and nasi lemak and the rest was lay out in her porch where her waterfall and 'koi' fish can be seen swimming happily running from one another.
I was invited to accompany her to Royal Adelphi in conjuction to Mom's day celebration. I thank her and ask her to enjoy her celebration but quizically asking myself why asking me and not her daughter. While i laze my eyes set on Rome and entertain her i feel that the gap both are creating are very visible and having me there is really to making it close again. I wish and hope they will keep the distant closer sooner than i think of.
I was hit with sinus since i reach there and was having actifed to cure. The children was a bit dissapointed because i couldnt fulfil that schedule like plan. Im sorry kids, i dont feel well. Reach home and land on my bed trying to get rid of the flu and the back pain really dont help. Later i heard the voice of my cousin and aunt with my uncle around the house. I woke up slowly and offer afternoon tea. But i had a good time and conversation about families then.
We will meet again during Eita's wedding this weekend and everyone has been assigned to have one task. Was i really looking forward? I dont know. Im looking forward to 2nd June. Whether it happen or not, my next wish was to meet Dot.

15.44pm

220506
Tiada diantara kita yang sempurna maupun lengkap. Yang melengkapi dan dilengkapi adalah sesama kita adanya. Dan bagaimana kita menerima pelajaran hari ini adalah bagaimana kita menelusuri hari semalam. Semalam telah pergi, hari ini datang lagi, esok yang tak pasti terus dihadapi.

Aku dan tidak kesempurnaan itu terus mencari dalam kehidupan. Dimana kurangku, silapku, lebihku dan entah apalagi. Iman dan taqwa itu saja yang aku punya dan kubawa walau kadangkala aku tersungkur jua dalam perjudian kehidupan hari ini. Hanya DIA yang tahu dan aku bersyukur masih ada tinta yang boleh lagi di coret dipermukaan ini.

15.56pm