Alhamdulillah

Penna: Lynna

Released: 180306 (4.04am)

Mood: Calm

I never ask people whether they need my help, I would rather go a milestone ahead and give it to them. Its clear that the milestone away is what they need should it be said and laid. That’s not me… but I don’t expect anything like that from others, no I don’t…

I was asked another question like…”do you have enough?” with his eyes staring into me... The usual me will ran my eyes away from the deep stare and will look around for amusement that can change the subject… Successful always in that matter… always… Yeahhh… I feel good when I can help… but whenever I need one its always choked up to my throat…. I never do find way out… I manage finding my own ways to do it right…

The email from Rome inviting my tears to run down my cheek upon reading… Only GOD knows how I feel…

Dear friend…

I know my ability… I would not be able to pay you back which stop me from taking… Its not easy to take when I don’t know when to return hence I don’t want my guilty conscious to haunt me the whole time. Never that I put it aside because I never want to sleep in that sleepless mind thinking that you would be needing it for your ownself and children… How difficult to get it is already a big matters to me, what more to repay…

My second boss always says this “when I forked it out to people, I never expected to get it back” see with this she made me mode guilty to take something which is not belongs to me…

Yes, I have problem managing this feeling since I’m able to throw the money to needy people but when I turn to be the needy I cant think I am one of them…

I was wrong, I know and people said I’m stupid, just take what is offered but it’s hard to separate that from me… I’m born to be independence, and feel self worth for what I did. People may laugh at me of that stupidity but heck be it…

A generous gentlemen knows me for only two days and bank in RM2k into my bank account to support my children needs once upon a time… I was stunned to death to know it 2 weeks after and the money was never spent for us but to the needy… I am only prolonging his “sedekah” to those who needs it better than us…

Another generous kawan who always did the banking in the money for me to get kids stuff and to bring them holidays… “God please give all this men your generosity and wealth and not to forget health to help others too…” and to you KAWAN, I still owe you, insyaallah one day, ill sit down by your side and tell you what I would do.

THANK YOU…. I am blessed and thankful till now that I never tookforgranted why they are sent to us… never did I ask again and again for them to continue giving. What I never stop, is to ask god to give them health, wealth and generosity to help other people….

Alhamdullillah…..