I detected a mirror of me in some people here...Since im writing aggressively. I traced down people who has been reading my blog continuously and some do subscribe… Im touch and glad but I don’t know much reason why they did… I used to write when I was in secondary… I write short story, novel and let my classmate read it. It was a hardcover book used to jot down science notes where I turn it to be my passion let out book hehehehehe….
Slowly those who I tracked down now pouring and telling… im glad they do write and let out what is in their chest at least…. No im not gonna tell who you are but it is good for you to let it out… Ive been keeping all those killing cells in me for long but now I found courage and way to let it out.
Some frens ask me ”what do you feel when people read yours life story”. It was not ALL MY life story dear friend… It’s a story around us… Things that happen to us day and night taking the moment of truth whether you like it or not…
I had problems talking or letting it out verbally… It flows down to my fingers and on to the screen so it was then readable by you…. Not exactly letting the world know but im just freeing some space for me to digest new things…. Which is amazingly doing some wonders.. Yes I found peace, courage and happier moods compare to before…
I came to YM for finding new friends… yeah theres many, hundreds, but I only keep few closed which I met regularly and call sometimes… Nice, honest, truthful, sincere too the extend I can tolerate.. Those who are not im still being me, yes you are still there in the list if you catch me there you are lucky if not… im fading just like a shadow… Im finding my comfort zone, if you are looking for a company with basic decency I guess u are welcome…
I mix around with just anyone who like to have me around but hey let me know you first… How long do I need that depends on the needs lol what kind eh??? I don’t know…. Its just I take time to know friends…
I do cry infront of ppl but I never let them hold or touch on the subject. Then I shed the tears and walk out with a pride and price… I cry many times for a person I love. Why because I know I cant have him nor he having me. So for those who have lend their chest or shoulder for me to cry on thank you (but is there any??? Oh ada sampai basah mmm sorry why did I do that ek??? Or you really touch my heart to pour out and let me feel better after???). Warm personality, strong, quick witted, soft perhaps, lovable and fun to be with that’s me. I like to make ppl happy to be around me. I do carry myself as I am. Often I hear ppl telling me “just be urself farm. Im with you”. Dear fren thank you. Someone tells me “you craved for love… I sensed that’s what you are lacking… Sensed of loved and belonging”…
I cried, deep inside me weeping and whining. Why cant I have what other ppl have. Nah I stop that and I stop asking that question. Sometime we are just destined to give but not to received. But I have to be admit I received that small amount of love even a bit, yes I do feel it. Thank you… God will love you more and give you more than you had given me…
So now I know, im not the only one here. Again let me tell you, its all a way to your heart to know what you really want. If you are not happy ask yourself, how can you achieve the happiness?
Let it out girl/ guys, now is not a time for you to stifled there.
Overcome the feelings, say it out loud. If you like him/ her tell it upfront. If he/she doesn’t like you, walk away with a pride and tell your ‘dear’ heart “ive asked and the answer is NO!”
So take a chance to move and challenge a new one.
I would love to say thank you to all my 3 confidante and for those who took the liberty to hold my hand to be who I am today, I pray to god to give him a way out from the junction and give him all the happiness he wants.
To all my girlfriends thanks for the support. Some may still like me some may not because of the real me is coming slowly to reality.
I hear out, I listen but for me to judge who you are is not me basically… Gossips, rumours are spice of life but sitting down with friends and enjoy the laughter is best than you pinpoint who and who, this and that. I cut that craps and stay away.
So Girlfriends never fear you are not beautiful, nor lovable, or even feel you are not good enough… think and reflect you may not be good looking but u have beautiful heart and may be passion for your garden or even an artist to paint your life beautiful in your own way… Start encouraging yourself….
Look in the mirror and see which part of you is attractive… praised it or e.g you don’t have a waist line anymore.. start buying a hulahop and swing your ass in circle and dance your heart out till you sweat and get back your stats.. It is never too late to do something.. NEVER… so if u look pale start taking collagen hahaha if you need deep looking eyes start putting eyeliner and mascara… You are beautiful its always in the eyes of the beholder dear friends… Say im beautiful everyday and let your inner heart “rasa terpuji” and you will full of courage and confidence…
I talk too much perhaps.. anyway Man love beautiful things as in not only what they see thru their eyes but a window to their heart is watching too…
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