LAZINESS

Infected with virus of laziness nowadays. I just want to sleep when reach home. Cant even wait till after 11pm. Too tired of work maybe. As soon as I reach home take dinner with children and bathe and surely will be so fresh n nice to doze off. I wanted to write but my mind is not functioning anymore.

Had few calls while watching TV and feel so lazy to answer. I stop my mind from thinking other things. Kids, works and home that really matters now. Had a chat with some people today but not really entertaining them as I just gave a warm gesture as usual and don’t really bother to ask much. Had a chat with arif too (bukan incik amat tau!). He was trying to dig up some stories.

My stories was all about me not about people. What I write here was a true confession where I don’t say much to people in reality except to those who really understand. But then again as I approached more on my life I soon to stick only to what I want. We can be friends to anyone but not having something in between. I have been truly honest with people around me. They like it or not that’s about me. I cant be living in shadow anymore hoping people will understand. If Im angry I will spit it out, if I like something, ill tell you but if I decided its not worth I’ll leave it as it is. Some people misunderstood it. But heck with that. Being content n solely knowing what best for me has made me certain of what I need to deal with there and then.

Those people which I mentioned was those people who really have a way to get to me to talk or me getting views from them. They have been there before, and they have been there now. It change nothing of the facts they are there as a friend. Nothing more nor less. So Arif, its not difficult to understand me. Perhaps he may be liked by many but then a charm of the personality itself attracts so many opposite gender to him and im not excluded. But then again that’s about it.

I am cleared of myself now to stay away for relationship with anyone which is hooked or way too young for me. Proposal may be many but then im not interested anymore for the sake of marrying only and having someone to warm my bed. What is not enough? Loneliness? Was i? Do I have time for anyone? Or is there any way for them to get in to me?

They must have strong character, ready to challenge me, willing to find out more of hidden me, never give up to amuse me. But if you know the whole me its time to leave then. Its no point of waiting because the game is no longer exciting anymore. Some people who read this may be confused because they will not understand and follow what is this all about. For some who might (*might) understand, well I have to have the different character to get rid the old me.

Few times with married man is enough to learn a lesson of hurting me, her and I especially. To know a feelings of a woman is the best healing process for me to get rid those sad feelings. They are happy now perhaps to love and be love by their wife or perhaps marrying again with another who can share.

Spending my time with kids is my best time, tickling, giggling, cuddling with all four is the best moment I have to patch what I don’t before. Replacing n nurturing it making me feel warm till now. I don’t know how would people survive without anyone with them.

Bondage was the only thing holds a relation in life. The feeling of loosing something wont be there anymore. I have toss around juggling and meddling with rhythm of life. Now I can dance the way the music tune in. I may fall again, I may not, its all depends on me whether I let it be happen. What I want now is just god to hear the needy person. I still can eat, can run, can laugh, can smile and etc but those orphans, old folks need more than just caring people. They need love from you god, save them.

Ramadhan kau menjelang membuka semua pintu syurga, menutup semua pintu neraka. Tetapi berapa ramaikah di antara kita yang membuka pintu hatinya menilai kemanusian, ukhuwah dan silaturahim sesama insan…

Currently listening: Only to my heart
Mood : Contented
Released: 04 Oct 05 11.56pm