How do you feel when your lifestory being published? Someone asked… To write about day in and out is a reminder to me. Im not to sure about others. Im putting it down for me to read it. When im alone when I need someone to talk to. Getting a real person mean inviting a relation. Be it friendship or whatever. Im not ready for those stuff yet.
Attention given by married man and young guys usually are sensational. Getting them spiced up with the jokes and humours really tackling them to be near to you. It was nice and good but barrier limitize everything. I create that so that they wont be near, too close to have it all. Yup I do fall for some of the quality and charm. But I cant afford to just think about myself. I have many reason not to take the offer.
Many things around me happens which open up my eyes wider while my heart is shut. At least I don’t shut it of friendship. When they come with special reasons I will simply tell them, im here just for friendship. Nothing more nothing less. If he really likes, really feel the chemistry he will try the very best till I say yes to a meeting. Sharing the meeting with my friends was one of the other exception he has to take. “Bandel bener ini ibu” bilang some friends.
Well I know what I want. If you can offer me something don’t just offer me the outer layer or the surface. I need the inner and the quality plus the true reason and the beauty of you. I have been with few married man before. Nothing comes so near except for two. Cool ehhh.
He really have a way and charm to hit me. Andrew was now a legendary and I hope things gets better with you and her. While the other one is still battling with his inner heart to get the gf and whether to divorce the wife.
All has been left behind as a memory and a lesson to learn. Should they come again later, my arms are wide open for friendship and will not anymore betray my heart to have any of you as my lover.
Both of them has came back once and I did welcome them but then again to hurt any heart, I shall say no forever. Yes you can share my laugh, you can share my jokes, no we cant share our life together. Im not going to hurt my kids anymore with your so called true love. Four hearts to only a person whom can provide a leadership which im not sure whether he can perform successfully is simply no no now. Insyaallah I hope god will open up my heart again one day.
All is in his hand. As for now I am glad I have my children to ask me everyday how am I and a warm hug just to make me going.
Date release: 19th October 05
Currently listening: One Moment in Time – Whitney Houston
Mood: Complacent
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